Cancer & Gemini

(Verse 1)
The thought,
makes my heart,
start to quake
Just a whisper

I love her more,
than she cares to see
Is it just me?
Can't resist her beauty

(Chorus)
Home is where I'm safe
She's gotta be free
Do or die situation
It's harmless infatuation

But it's more,
can't you see?
Connected by hearts
We're meant to be,
and it's tearing me apart

(Verse 2)
She deserves space,
a bit of comfort
Not made to collapse,
under pressure

Unveil your feelings,
honesty is bliss
We'll be okay,
assured by a kiss

(Chorus x 1)

(?)
But when there's doubt,
just know that,
sacrifices count
And believe in yourself.

But when there's hope,
just know that,
it's in your heart,
you have to believe in yourself.

This is beautiful...I like where this is going. If it was me writing this I have an example below.
I write rap. so I'm not sure what style of music this was written to.. Nice job..Feel free to use anything I wrote...


(Verse 1)
The thought,
makes my heart,
start to quake
Just a whisper

I love her more
than she cares to see
Is it just me?
her beauty is the Abyss
my love runs deep and I can’t resist her



But it's more,
can't you see?
Connected by hearts
We're meant to be,
and it's tearing me apart
internally Suffering for eternity

Well thank you for your honest opinion and for your help! But I think it has to stay like this because it's molded around the music, and it's more of an alternative/Radiohead-esque song... but thank you a lot! And I do like what you have added, so if I do rewrite the music, I may very well use what you have offered. Thanks again.

No prob..I write rap songs. lol But it's nice to see you've gotten this handled... Good job.. let us know when this goes on audio. I'd like to here it.

-bump-