Second Verse Help?

Thread: Second Verse Help?

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  1. Nonchocco said:

    Wink Second Verse Help?

    I need help to write a second verse in my song, what's your method? do you know any articles about this topic? tips? technique?

    I know what I want to write about but the correct words don't come... I only can force them out and I find my best writing is straight out from like the first verse I wrote but the second verse was down rhyming dictionaries and computer research which I don't like. Here's my second verse that I have come up with which I hate/mildly dislike and the song is about moving away from a place you loved, then revisiting later in your life:

    Walking down the pathway
    Recalling old times
    The unmistakable shipping bay
    Embedded in my ind

    Also, this is my second ever song and is the first ever story telling meaning lyric.

    Thanks for any help
  2. AleatheEccentric said:

    Default

    Times and mind... So you want something that rhymes with 'ime', 'ine', 'imed' or 'ind' in the second verse?
    How many syllables do you want to stick with?
    Also, try a thesaurus dictionary for 'recall' and other words that you might think of.

    I'm no teacher, but I like your lyrics. And I'll try to think of something.
    Last edited by AleatheEccentric; 08-28-2011 at 04:59 PM.
  3. AleatheEccentric said:

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    Um, okay this what I have so far... There are some that I prefer over others.
    Right now your syllables are:
    6
    5
    9
    6

    Would you mind if the syllables were longer in the second verse? Otherwise I would have:
    'On what has stood the test of time' -8
    'Recollecting those picturesque times' -9
    'Gathering old finds' -5
    'Colliding new and faded finds' -9
    'toward what was left behind' - 7
    'grappling how these fragments combined' -10

    Well, it's sort a toss up... Hmm...;/
  4. Nonchocco said:

    Default

    thanks for your help and efforts! , i decided in the end to take out unmistakable and put ' local' instead, i think i might make the first verse a chorus but it doesn't sound like a chorus

    thanks for your feedback and i'm glad you like the lyrics even if i don't