my 1st post on here i hope you like it!! im Only 13 :D its called 'the girl i love'

Thread: my 1st post on here i hope you like it!! im Only 13 :D its called 'the girl i love'

Tags: love rap
  1. quickspitter1998 said:

    Post my 1st post on here i hope you like it!! im Only 13 :D its called 'the girl i love'

    For the Girl I Love

    Sheís out there I believe,
    somewhere in the streets,
    waiting to be complete,
    and Iím waiting for her

    I dropped my life and took,
    a long lasting look,
    and my body it was shook,
    Sheís out of this world

    And I could bring you home,
    and youíd never be alone
    Thereís more than I have shown
    and Iíll always be waiting for you

    And I could never leave,
    I would always believe,
    that you are the one for me,
    and thatíd be the truth

    You have to start to find,
    words you lost in your mind
    Speak now and Iíll speak mine,
    itís true that I love you

    We could be the show,
    the ones that people know,
    and honey I know where to go
    But itís all up to you

    And I could bring you home,
    and youíd never be alone
    Thereís more than I have shown
    and Iíll always be waiting for you

    And I could never leave,
    and I would always believe,
    that you are the one for me
    And thatíd be the truth

    Donít you know that youíre the line,
    That Iíd cross in this life of mine?
    But itíd be just fine
    Itís all honesty

    Youíre so beautiful and itís true,
    inside and out I love you,
    and without you, donít know what Iíd do,
    and I couldnít ask for more

    And I could never leave,
    and I would always believe,
    that you are the one for me,
    and thatíd be the truth

    Yeah thatíd be the truth,
    that you are the one for me
    Thatíd be the truth,
    that you are the one for me
     
  2. quickspitter1998 said:

    Default

    any comments about what you think please!
     
  3. Eams's Avatar

    Eams said:

    Default

    good with the ryhmes, but you should try to write more... structuraly? like try to make each line in a verse have almost the same amount of syllables. and i
    d flow alot more smoothly, good job for a start
    The stature of a man is not decided by the size of his fists, but by how he uses them.