Bruno Mars - Grenade PARODY!

Yesterday I was hit by a very funny and well-played parody:

[UdbHiDnbhb0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdbHiDnbhb0[/video]

Please help me to transcribe erorrlessly this particular hit on its own.

By the way I like very much the original: Bruno Mars' Grenade.

My broken apprehension follows:
[
wage's man
but I know
...???...
I've got your name tattooed on my chest, neck and face
Let's get hitched
right away
or at least pick a date
I've got next week open
when you have open

...???...
but you tossed it ...???...
and said something I couldn't hear
what?
I gave you all my ...???... and finger-nail clippings
I hope I don't sound arranged
but I'd chop off my head for you
I ...???... my meds for you
I'd drink a bottle of KRAZY glue
and lick ...???... chairman shoe
ooh that's a good shoe
I'd peel you a million grapes
and make you a portrait ...???... tapes

yes I ...???... from robots and futuristic apes

Ooh, get your damn stinking paws off my girlfriend
you dude-ape from the future

Calm down you crazy clown
what is wrong with you
stop offering things that you never have to do
just take your pills
pay your bills
I don't you want dead
why would I wanna boyfriend who doesn't have a head
a little pile of glass
pull my heart out through my ***
you know what you could do for me
what baby?
the dishes and the trash
let's take that tango class
then watch some live-time TV
I'd shop ...???... with you
buy you tickets ...???...
I'd go approach with your book club friends
I'd tell you that you are not fat again
this nightmare never ends
I would rather eat fifty grenades
and wear a ...???... made of razor blades
than I have to deal with you baby
and your stupid mom
]

And for those who can read by lips: what is the girl saying?

We just met, but I know, you're my soulmate,
I've got your name tattooed on my chest, neck and face,
Let's get hitched, right away, or at least pick a date,
I've got next week open, when do you have open.

I sent you my left ear but you tossed it off the pier,
Then said something I couldn't hear, what,
I gave you all my string, and my fingernail clippings,
I hope I don't sound deranged.

But I'd chop off my head for you,
I just went off my meds for you,
I'd drink a bottle of KRAZY glue,
And lick a bathroom attendant's shoe,
Oh that's good shoe,
I would peel you a million grapes,
And make a portrait using audio tapes,
Yes I'd protect you from robots, and futuristic apes.

Oh, get your damn stinking paws off my girlfriend,
You dirty ape from the future.

Calm down you crazy clown what is wrong with you,
Stop offering things that you'll never have to do,
Just take your pills pay your bills I don't you want dead,
Why would I wanna boyfriend who doesn't have a head.

A little pile of glass pull my heart out through my αss,
You know what you could do for me,
What baby?
The dishes and the trash let's take that tango class,
Then watch some live-time TV.

I'll shop at Target with you,
Buy you tickets to Dave Matthews,
I'd go to brunch with your book club friends,
I'd tell you that you're not fat again,
This nightmare never ends,
I would rather eat fifty grenades,
And wear a Speedo made of razor blades,
Than have to deal with you baby, and your stupid mum.

Thanks Mixalopoulos,
I did so many errors, grmbl.

brunch = in between breakfast and lunch