New song..unfinnished. feedback

Thread: New song..unfinnished. feedback

Tags: None
  1. SK'nDeep's Avatar

    SK'nDeep said:

    Default New song..unfinnished. feedback

    this is a song I wrote about four months ago...
    I'm am still working on this one...please tell me what you think so far...
    no Hook as of yet..

    It’s a new day now but why does it feel old to me?
    Is there supposed to be a rain cloud over me?
    Unloading it’s weight until I break down emotionally?
    and oppose every wise quote that was told to me.
    Yo hopefully karma will stop choking me and let me breathe.
    bless me free of my nightmares so I can rest in peace.
    Smearing my cheek of each tear so I can complete these years.
    I may appear normal but internally I reek of fear.
    Scared of losing my sanity cause god won’t answer me.
    Got me thinking that death is after me and my friends and family.
    So my cortex is in panick the more I snore and rest.
    evil screams infest hurting more and more in my chest.
    Sending jolts of pain through my spinal cord and neck.
    until my only minority now deformed resorts to stress.
    Stuck to the sheets in the morning from pouring sweat.
    It’s hard to except So I Smoke a Newport until I’m short of breath.

    Reluctant to go to work, cause my career's not going as planned.
    sick and *ucking tired of killing myself for the man.
    Watching customers trow away a grand like garbage tossed in a can.
    while I’m using the same damn change out of the coffee can.
    driving in a car that’s more trouble than she’s worth.
    Used to be cool at first , but now her ac doesn’t work.
    Neither do her breaks or her ****ing seat belt restraints.
    Every day I pray that the she keels over before she cranks.
    cause I hate drive in this ***** like a 80 year old lady.
    She ain’t safe to speed but at lease she gets me from A to B.
    Just like the grind I’m fed up Every day my Life’s on the line.
    death's Inclined to catch up ,always following behind.
    5 months ago I lost my mind at work squealing off in the parking lot.
    Screaming *uck HH Gregg letting off steam when I was off the clock.
    put my self in this corner backing my self in a darker spot.
    Now there is no one's hiring hoping to find any open slot.

    Copyright 11/03/11
    Peace Love Empathy

  2. smoothtung's Avatar

    smoothtung said:


    Eminen type flow. Yeuut another good piece hah. Jesus...
    Part when you said "*uck hh gregg letting off steam when I was off the clock" fit perfectly
  3. SK'nDeep's Avatar

    SK'nDeep said:


    thanks man...I got shafted by them *ucks...I worked there for three years as sales and opeations lead.still looking for work to this was feb of this year when that Em has rubbed off on me. I
    Peace Love Empathy

  4. Molotova's Avatar

    Molotova said:


    Heyyy, this is how I feel sometimes ! It's always good to find a piece of yourself in someone else's lyrics. Nothing to improve, just solid stuff like always.
    1 <3
  5. SK'nDeep's Avatar

    SK'nDeep said:


    thanks molo....any advice from anyone?
    Peace Love Empathy