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  1. #1
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    Thumbs up Please read my lyrics and write a feedback.

    When im with you
    Beat: Eminem when im gone(XFabio14X)

    This is more for the girls and to anyone who KNOWS music. Use the beat provided by Youtube. Name of video is "Eminem When I'm Gone(instrumental)" The person who provided is named xFabio14x. The lyrics starts at Exactly 0:05. Please let me know how i did. *Im thinking of giving this song to someone. Thank you for taking the time to help me. The song is only about four minutes and a half. Once again thank you and please leave a feedback

    I remember the first time i actually saw you
    That was the 1st time i knew it was true
    That love at first sight is real and great
    Because i was staring at my beautiful soulmate
    But we didn't talk until a few years later
    Because i was still a young, immature little skater
    Who would dream of having a girl, such as yourself
    And i would be the perfect one-who put you before myself
    But that all changed on that one special day
    When we started talking and i listen to everything you say
    And from that we begun our wonderful relation
    As we were a happy couple Of gods creation
    As i would make you smile, and you would make me laugh
    I was glad we finally had each other at last
    Then one day i gave you roses and a box of chocolate
    And i whisper something in your ear you would never forget

    (Chorus X2)
    when im with you all my problemes seem to be gone
    Because our love is so strong and so true(small pause)
    And know there is nothing we cant possibly do
    And ill always be happy, as long as i always have you

    Now we fast foward until a couple of years
    Where we are a couple who are very dear and sincere
    And how our love is still so very strong
    That there is nothing that can possibly can go wrong
    Then i finally get a chance to meet your family
    Who turned out to be really loving and who accept me
    They said that we would be happy with each other
    And that nothing will go wrong as long as we had one another
    Then your brother tells me to be a good man
    And always be the best person i possibly can
    After that we go by the big blue ocean
    Where we sit down as we express our emotions
    Then we take a stroll in the beach, you and me
    And then i stop and slowly drop to my knee
    And then pull out this beautiful diamond ring
    And then you start to cry as i begin to sing

    (Chorus X2)
    when im with you all my problemes seem to be gone
    Because our love is so strong and so true(small pause)
    And know there is nothing we cant possibly do
    And ill always be happy, as long as i always have you

    A couple years later, we now have children
    And now im a father who promises to be there, And
    I have to face the new upcoming challenge
    Of being a good father and keep the house in manage
    And now that kids is a part of our happy life
    You become the best mother, and a perfect wife
    Your mother comes over, how happy she is
    Because now she has her very own grandkids
    And she tells us what a great marriage we have
    And how we make excellent mom and dad's
    Next thing you know, our kids our leaving home
    And we have grandkids of our very own
    Because now we are very wise and elderly
    But our love is still so strong, honestly
    Now our holidays are even more great
    Because we have a big family with no hate
    Its the fourth of July, and we go to the park
    With our family, and we wait until its dark
    But while we wait, we sit and conversate
    On how great our life been, as if it was fate
    Finally the sun goes down and its dawn
    And the fireworks slowly start to turn on
    And i look back at our wonderful life
    And how this all began, and ending with my perfect wife
    Then i wake up, alarm clock ringing, i start thinking
    And start blinking, was i really dreaming?
    Then i grab my back pack, slowly begin to walk out
    But i can still here the song without a doubt & it goes

    (Chorus X2)
    when im with you all my problemes seem to be gone
    Because our love is so strong and so true(small pause)
    And know there is nothing we cant possibly do
    And ill always be happy, as long as i always have you
    Last edited by DaFlyBoxer; 12-14-2011 at 10:26 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Thanked 91 Times in 84 Posts

    wrong section buddy.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
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    New To site where i go?

  4. #4
    Senior Member smoothtung's Avatar
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    Not bad I think I got the flow right with the song an it rolls together decently. Nice..

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to smoothtung For This Useful Post:
    DaFlyBoxer (12-15-2011)

  6. #5
    Junior Member
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    Thanks i just started writing songs too. Means a lot.

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