Please read my lyrics and write a feedback.

When im with you
Beat: Eminem when im gone(XFabio14X)

This is more for the girls and to anyone who KNOWS music. Use the beat provided by Youtube. Name of video is "Eminem When I'm Gone(instrumental)" The person who provided is named xFabio14x. The lyrics starts at Exactly 0:05. Please let me know how i did. *Im thinking of giving this song to someone. Thank you for taking the time to help me. The song is only about four minutes and a half. Once again thank you and please leave a feedback

I remember the first time i actually saw you
That was the 1st time i knew it was true
That love at first sight is real and great
Because i was staring at my beautiful soulmate
But we didn't talk until a few years later
Because i was still a young, immature little skater
Who would dream of having a girl, such as yourself
And i would be the perfect one-who put you before myself
But that all changed on that one special day
When we started talking and i listen to everything you say
And from that we begun our wonderful relation
As we were a happy couple Of gods creation
As i would make you smile, and you would make me laugh
I was glad we finally had each other at last
Then one day i gave you roses and a box of chocolate
And i whisper something in your ear you would never forget

(Chorus X2)
when im with you all my problemes seem to be gone
Because our love is so strong and so true(small pause)
And know there is nothing we cant possibly do
And ill always be happy, as long as i always have you

Now we fast foward until a couple of years
Where we are a couple who are very dear and sincere
And how our love is still so very strong
That there is nothing that can possibly can go wrong
Then i finally get a chance to meet your family
Who turned out to be really loving and who accept me
They said that we would be happy with each other
And that nothing will go wrong as long as we had one another
Then your brother tells me to be a good man
And always be the best person i possibly can
After that we go by the big blue ocean
Where we sit down as we express our emotions
Then we take a stroll in the beach, you and me
And then i stop and slowly drop to my knee
And then pull out this beautiful diamond ring
And then you start to cry as i begin to sing

(Chorus X2)
when im with you all my problemes seem to be gone
Because our love is so strong and so true(small pause)
And know there is nothing we cant possibly do
And ill always be happy, as long as i always have you

A couple years later, we now have children
And now im a father who promises to be there, And
I have to face the new upcoming challenge
Of being a good father and keep the house in manage
And now that kids is a part of our happy life
You become the best mother, and a perfect wife
Your mother comes over, how happy she is
Because now she has her very own grandkids
And she tells us what a great marriage we have
And how we make excellent mom and dad's
Next thing you know, our kids our leaving home
And we have grandkids of our very own
Because now we are very wise and elderly
But our love is still so strong, honestly
Now our holidays are even more great
Because we have a big family with no hate
Its the fourth of July, and we go to the park
With our family, and we wait until its dark
But while we wait, we sit and conversate
On how great our life been, as if it was fate
Finally the sun goes down and its dawn
And the fireworks slowly start to turn on
And i look back at our wonderful life
And how this all began, and ending with my perfect wife
Then i wake up, alarm clock ringing, i start thinking
And start blinking, was i really dreaming?
Then i grab my back pack, slowly begin to walk out
But i can still here the song without a doubt & it goes

(Chorus X2)
when im with you all my problemes seem to be gone
Because our love is so strong and so true(small pause)
And know there is nothing we cant possibly do
And ill always be happy, as long as i always have you

wrong section buddy.

New To site where i go?

Not bad I think I got the flow right with the song an it rolls together decently. Nice..

Thanks i just started writing songs too. Means a lot.