feedback?

sparse cries far and wide
Forge the silence of foreign pride.
More defy mortifying skies
In appraising glance to therefore fortify.

Morbid lies.

Devine culture cultivates the crops
Left from the fox, then infiltrated hawks.

And last spring, box springs coiled in bulk,
Though haunting offerings soil spent hope.

Gallop but cant canter with valid plantars.
We saddle up glanters in expanding pander.
But of the commanders, trochanter is banter...
And sirs,
answers for standard, transfers pranksters...

Cranes stir
before being slain,
And rangers paint bird bleeding stains...
Raiders and razors scrape 'seeming' lanes.
And tracers embrace tapered freezing rains.

While condemned art embarks, close the door.
Defend not, benchmarks, that hark old lore...
We intend lots with sent cards but hearts tore.
Intensive plots and penmarks, tear apart more..

Lets spar war, shards of star forms like star wars..
Or arbors enlarge thorns in parks, an on stores an artforms.
Forlorn like scorched cores an parkour followers,
We sword more but force amour like 'rods' an 'copters...

The other similar thread was to simply show you my process and edits in writing this

Bump leme know what I can work on

....bump

@ssholes...

I like the rhyme scheme and vivid imagery. But the way you organized your bars made it hard to read and put a flow on it. It was sort of all over the place imo. Good drop though.

Yo son you already know your dope haha. I always like your drops but sometimes i feel like your too wordy. Like, having an expansive vocabulary is great but i feel you take it too far sometimes and that that actually is detrimental to your rap overall. Thats just me though. Scale that back and it'll be to nice in my opinion.

Yea thanks dawg I got ya haha . Sometimes I get carried away. Thts why I like battling because I can make simple flips dope because of meaning and placement.

real stuff..like the poetry..perfectly mastered rhyme scheme..

Thanks bruv I appreciate it