stone hearts

She ain't budgin,.listen to him,his heart aches for you
no..she ain't hearin
she's indifferent,though he's insistent
she just wont crack n understand him..its no different
love on the rocks,thorns we keep walkin on
mistakes every now n then they keep stalkin on
get your case straight but she keeps dodgin on
switch play to heart gears so they keep rollin on
on my bended knees..maybe i was wrong,
maybe my steps weren't right all along..i beg on please
but they wont just take it..livin a string attatched to it
n you wont just break it
stone hearts..that's the theme come on
take the iron armor put it on..dress up your stone heart
they aint gettin you..quit gettin them
get your life on track,have it rollin on wheels like a sewin machine..stitchin hems.

16 bars..any comments..

The lyrical potency of the substance you have is actually decent, although I think its an over-played subject...
But thts just my opinion. Tho, your rhyme scheme is odd, and limits the flow of the piece. Play around with re-writes an uncage this thing

thanx..still workin on a re-write for a better rhyme scheme..