Original rap lyrics

A place to post your original lyrics, advise each other on how to improve them. Please don't be rude, this is not a battle thread. It's for constructive criticism only.

Here's my opener:

Too many people vindicate discrimination in this nation,
makes me wonder why there's no retaliation.
We are all equal, end the hate and advocate a new foundation
on which we can build for future generations.
We should provide the education and a little inspiration
to the younger members of the population,
because it's us to whom they listen, not their teachers or their parents
or the lies they're fed by corrupt politicians.
My observations of today are that most kids just want away
and find some way to release all of their frustrations.
Then altercations start to play out 'cause these kids are led astray
and I believe it's down to lack of information
about the system that's behind it, the system they should be fighting,
the system led by guys in suits all hiding
behind religion, gender, race and all the other forms of hate
that leave most people in irate conditions, blinded.
These sociopathic power addicts take advantage of the fact it
takes an average man a whole life-time to manage
to get a sense of realization of the game that he's been playing,
simply mindlessly obeying to his damage.

hey youre from yahoo answers right?

Sorry Yung Cheezy, but the first six lines aren't rap.

All you've done is just rhyme the ends of the lines.

Take a look at this video on how to write a sixteen bar verse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=HbRBtlr2x-I

@killanatural - yeah I'm there too.

@mixa - I'm pretty sure it is rap. I didn't just rhyme ends of lines. eg: "vindicate" rhymes with "end the hate", "people" and "equal", "wonder" and "build for". Not only that but I made every 2 lines contain 29 syllables so that it keeps a flow when you spit it over a straight 4-4 beat. And as far as that video goes I can't watch it. Youtube is banned in China.

Originally Posted by CheesyBacon

Youtube is banned in China.

SOPA kai PIPA, tora ston internet, ti na kanoume, gamoto!