Unfinished - want feedback before I continue.

Thread: Unfinished - want feedback before I continue.

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  1. CheesyBacon said:

    Default Unfinished - want feedback before I continue.

    Let me know what you think about lyrics, flow, rhymes, topic, etc. The idea was to give a story of me growing up while referencing all the music that got me through.
    Please give me some constructive criticism/advice. Even if you think it's good I'm sure you can find something to be improved. Shaadow/SBU, especially you guys.
    I think it reads more like a poem, but there's a beat in my head that it fits to.

    Sometimes I find hard to stay in my own zone
    Like my mind is tired and floats off into ozone.
    I get lost in 'Black Thought's, try to regain control
    But the harder I try I become less hopeful.

    I've been told by many people, again-n-again
    I got an 'Immortal Technique' and a lot of 'Common Sense'.
    But if my sense is common then I fear to dispense it
    Like a devout mormon who don't want to repent sh*t.

    So I just buy a '2pac' from the corner store
    And act 'Biggie' on the corners til I get a 'Smalls'core.
    Then light a bowl and play some tunes to release all the stress
    Cuz smokin's 'Mos Def' good for my head, even if it's bad for my health.

    Didn't learn my ABC til after I knew my 'Jay-Z'
    Never focused in school, those 'Guru's couldn't engage me.
    In retrospect I guess I spent way too much time
    Getting wrecked, checked-in but no expect-ations from life.

    And this ain't no lie, I'm simply telling the truth
    But I've matured like 'Emimem' after the death of 'Proof'.
    When I turned sixteen it suddenly struck me
    That to achieve any dreams required patience and study.

    I had to borrow, beg and bribe just to get into college.
    I brushed all of my sorrows aside to make way for knowledge.
    Cuz knowledge was the only way to motivate my white @ss
    And "forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past".
    Last edited by CheesyBacon; 01-21-2012 at 02:07 PM.
    Hip-hop is art. Don't make a pop hit, be smart. Take it back to the start, like KRS and Rakim use passion and heart.