Haiku

Thread: Haiku

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  1. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Waves embrace the shore
    Kisses each grain of warm sand
    Drag away their prey
    Last edited by Frankie Jasmine; 12-15-2012 at 05:49 PM.
     
  2. Guest said:

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    I suppose you meant to say "drag away their prey"? Since we're talking about waves in plural? I shall assume so, and I choose to let the next poster begin with a 3-syllable line by means of a 5-7-3 haiku, hoping to see some nice, firmly nature-themed 3-5-3'ish haikus:

    Drag away their prey
    tides of time do ruthlessly -
    silent sea
     
  3. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Thank you for the correction, OI.
     
  4. VivaPalestina's Avatar

    VivaPalestina said:

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    I've always thought nature much harder to do - i'd want to use scenery to describe human attributes, but in haiku they just describe...the scenery itself

    Silent sea
    Glitters in the night
    Crashing wave
     
  5. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Sometimes, if done just so, the workings of nature can be applied (implied) to human experience. But don't ask me to do it!

    3 - 5 - 3 haiku with nature and human elements:



    Crashing waves
    Foaming white water
    Forms a smile
     
  6. Guest said:

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    Noor, a traditional Japanese haiku is a picture, something like this:

    japanese-art.jpg

    It is supposed to simply paint a vista with as few syllables as possible. Bare and plain.

    This is a famous haiku by Natsume Soseki (14th century):

    Over the wintry
    forest, winds howl in rage
    with no leaves to blow.

    ...and to continue the thread...

    Forms a smile
    September sun does
    as we die
     
  7. VivaPalestina's Avatar

    VivaPalestina said:

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    As we die
    pathway of heaven
    greets us
     
  8. Guest said:

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    You're a lot into pathways, Noor Beautiful trees, thanks for sharing! And now I only get 2 syllables to start with

    ...I give you... 2-4-2!

    Greets us
    Hades alone
    lonely
    Last edited by Guest; 12-16-2012 at 08:23 AM.
     
  9. VivaPalestina's Avatar

    VivaPalestina said:

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    Wondered when you'd figure it out I'm still searching for my pathway you see, so I like to see it everywhere. In my mind I started off with something completely different...but I dont know what happened, my subconscious took no heed.

    Lonely
    willows stand,
    silent
     
  10. Guest said:

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    Silly subconscious, I shudder to think what'll pop out next

    I really like your last one. Very, very good!

    silent
    grieving heart
    graveyard
     
  11. VivaPalestina's Avatar

    VivaPalestina said:

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    Thank you!
    Are you trying to tempt my subconscious back with this graveyard business? I have a question, for asymmetrical haiku/senryu, is the last line always less than the first?

    Graveyard:
    endless rows
    watching
     
  12. Guest said:

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    No, thinking about those dead children and their relatives.

    It often is, but always?... Can't say I know. In fact, there are a few famous Japanese examples where the last line is longer, so go figure.

    watching
    heavens are
    serene
     
  13. VivaPalestina's Avatar

    VivaPalestina said:

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    serene
    quiet falls
    here
     
  14. Guest said:

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    We'll soon end up with one syllable per line

    here
    for you
    love

    (Just think how many different meanings such a tiny poem can have!)
     
  15. VivaPalestina's Avatar

    VivaPalestina said:

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    I'm trying to stretch you and see how you'll introduce more syllables and stuff

    Love
    A rose
    Blooms

     
  16. Guest said:

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    Ha, you can try! I think we ought to avoid singular verbs on the last line. It imposes too great limits on the following poem. If you have to use a verb on the last line, please don't use a singular form Can't require it of course but I'd prefer things that way...

    Blooms
    withered
    hope
     
  17. VivaPalestina's Avatar

    VivaPalestina said:

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    Would roses // bloom have been better?
     
  18. Guest said:

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    I like the content better as a singular (love as a singular). A matter of taste; my remark was more general in nature - we've had a few poems now with a singular verb on the last line. It requires a single subjective in the next poem, which is a bit too narrow for my taste
     
  19. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Shall we try to get back to more syllables at the end? Of course, the one-word beginning and end haiku have been very good anyway--e.g., the multi-meaning "love" one. Also, I'll try to get a plural ending somehow . . . ?


    Hope
    Spring grass
    Emerging
     
  20. Guest said:

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    Gerunds (-ing) are decent, thanks Frankie. I feel that simple plurals give the most wiggle room (in this case, "emerge") as you can use it in a number of ways. And of course we can work our way towards more syllables Still, it was fun to try as few as possible. I really like my 'love' poem, it's powerful and very concise, and even the seriously good guys over at the poetry forum thought it was seriously good. Probably my best haiku/senryu to date (unless one would prefer to date me instead ).

    Emerging
    wings from Southern seas
    melting ice
    Last edited by Guest; 12-16-2012 at 09:01 PM.