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  1. #141
    Senior Member amaryn's Avatar
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    About a year ago I was rapping about zombies and a mechanical /virtual world as I was challenged by someone on one of the rap threads and when reading "VOICES" , Frankie, over and over, it sort of strongly came to my mind again.
    I see it as a strong, partly sad and partly emotional protest, even filled with horror and disgust in places, about the way society is going.
    You are showing a world more fragile than ever, Frankie.
    You may feel "Voices" is a bit clumsy, but I think it should.
    I don't feel good after reading it. I don't want to. Believe me.

    Thank you for that!

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    Frankie Jasmine (10-10-2012)

  3. #142
    Senior Member Teshka's Avatar
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    Hi Frankie i hope i can make a comment this time without the site going down, its been so frustrating for the past couple of days!! again i dont have any critical advice, just wanna say that this makes me think of the after effects of a nuclear holocaust where nothing will grow back either. It has a poetic lift in the words not like an angry heavy metal song but it paints the picture so strong and clear....and it lets me feel that you were not destroyed by the cataclysm that you can see the evidence of.......i hope that you can understand what i'm saying...
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~

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    Frankie Jasmine (03-17-2014)

  5. #143
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    I understand you, Tess. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Again, I am glad that the poem ("When The Flowers Fled") is not linear; that the expansion of meaning takes hold in the reader's own mind. That such a simple poem has come to mean so many things surprises even me. And I feel honored to hear everyone's expressions. Tess, one thing that comes through in most of my poems is hope--even if only a distant ray; because that hope is reality, not only to me, but for many people in many situations. Thank you for noting not only survival, but the glimpse of hope and faith.

    Amaryn: "Voices" What a meaningful comment! I was even a bit shaken when you said, "You are showing a world more fragile than ever..." "Fragile" applied to so many connected but unconnected people worldwide really hit the nail on the head--and was a thought that had not occurred to me. Sometimes in great strength and power (such as the cyberworld) the people and society can, indeed, become fragile. I really appreciated that thought from you.

  6. #144
    Senior Member amaryn's Avatar
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    Thank you Frankie. It's exactly how I feel. It frightens me a lot. It has "blown my mind" too often already not to be noticed by myself either.
    It is a big problem where I live too, as people find it always difficult enough to communicate with one another.
    There was a famous actor, Antti Litja, who could be seen in movies putting the problem in an even humourous way in front of peoples' eyes.
    In spite of all they loved him!
    You could see him for example entering a pub where there was one person drinking beer at each table, not talking with anybody else
    Now they all have their cell phones to communicate with. You don't have to meet "face to face",lol

    Your "Voices" brings to the surface a lot of other "modern symptoms" too. I feel uneasy, as I said.
    You are courageous to bring it up, dear!

  7. #145
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Default Dedicated to My One and Only

    . . .


    ONE AND ONLY


    What have I found
    Without even knowing?
    Why did I receive
    Without even dreaming?

    Solid granite around which
    To wrap my arms
    When slipping at the precipice
    Thus evading harm.

    Foundering, wind-blown,
    Boat cast about at sea,
    A dead-weighted anchor
    Preserved my life for me.

    Am I parched in the desert?
    Am I engulfed with fire?
    Am I dried-up to consumption?
    Then as by deluge, I’m respired…
    With sweet, weightless rain,
    In quenching, bulbous drops.
    To heal my every cell until
    The plague has given up!

    If I'm hot, spread before me...
    Cool, soothing shade.
    If cold, I’m wrapped in a
    Blanket, homemade.

    Do I have a need, a want,
    A desire, or a mere wish?
    No matter what it is--
    I am always given this.

    Have my lips not spoken?
    My mind not yet given a thought?
    He brings all these gifts to me
    Just because he wants.

    “Take this piece of coal
    To have and to hold
    And cleave to it
    To the End of Days.
    You will be blessed with
    A Diamond of Great Hope.”

    Is that what was asked of me
    That fortuitous day in July?
    If so, I said “I do” without
    Comprehending why;

    Or how else could this be,
    Such life and so much love
    Has been granted,
    With so little asked of me?

    A gold temple chalice,
    Honorific Olympic fire,
    Life’s circle unending,
    He’s my every desire.


    ………


    F. Jasmine
    10-11-2012
    Last edited by Frankie Jasmine; 10-12-2012 at 07:52 PM.

  8. #146
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Frankie,
    Very sweet!Two little suggestions;the "is"in the 5th verse.The "that"in the 10th verse!Then I give my blessing!

  9. #147
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doug Denslowe View Post
    Frankie,
    Very sweet!Two little suggestions;the "is"in the 5th verse.The "that"in the 10th verse!Then I give my blessing!
    Noted and done! Why? Because you're right, of course! Now I have something to put before you (and anyone else who's interested). This verse:

    Is that what was asked of me
    That fortuitous day in July?
    If so, I said “I do” without
    Comprehending why;


    Since this is talking about a long-ago day, should it read:

    That fortuitous day one July? = helping implicate a more distant July? OR
    Does That fortuitous day > "That fortuitous" sufficiently imply it? OR
    That fortuitous day of July? = about as limiting as the original "in July"?

    I rather like "That fortuitous day..." so I don't want to change it to the more bland, "That long ago day in July." But I'm open to comments about that, too.

    Even though it is a love poem, I want it to be good, because he deserves for it to be as good as I can make it. [I know it's not great. And always, I continue to "tweak" my poems after posting!]

  10. #148
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    I didn't think it needed changing.The way you put it,correct or not,is natural.If you're going to leave "July"(which I like better than dropping it)in July works."On July",naw,"one July"too proper sounding,"that fortuitous day"again,too proper."In July"for me,is the best,most natural way to say it.That's my opinion,for your edification.

  11. #149
    Senior Member Teshka's Avatar
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    "That fortuitous day IN July" is JUST FINE! and that whole poem is SO SWEET!!!!! but i do have to ask dearest Frankie, what are tups? i'm just not getting that one

    Or how else could this be,
    Such life and so much love
    Has been granted,
    With so little asked of me?


    but i get that part perfectly!!
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~

  12. #150
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    tups. I thought a tup was a tuppence (I read a lot of classic British novels, so I pick up some unusual words). Actually, it is the disk at the end of a pendulum. :S

    I have some work to do on my own with this poem. Dedicated to this wonderful man, I want it to be better. I will keep the thoughts: direct, simple, and understandable in mind as I rework--especially the "tup" part!

    Doug and Tess: For the tips, comments, and support, my appreciation!

  13. #151
    Senior Member Teshka's Avatar
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    Yvw and thank you Frankie, and maybe thats ok bcs it sounds good and who else would know? well if i had not asked about it, but now the cat's out of the bag
    but now i'm thinking that "drops" would also work well as a rhyme with "up".....
    but please don't give it too much work bcs it really is beautiful just as its written!!
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~

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    Frankie Jasmine (10-12-2012)

  15. #152
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Thank you, Tess and Doug, because you have each said it's good as is! I was nearly ready to deconstruct parts of it for about a half-day! Speaking of pendulum, that's an emotional pendulum swing on just a minor thing! (Hey--the start of a new poem????)

    That you called "One and Only" (the title was so appropriate, even if predictable) "beautiful" helps me. "Sweet" (for some reason I don't understand) has a not-so-desirable connotation, like "sappy," "mushy," "gushy," words like that. I know you all probably did not mean it that way because of your other words; that's just my personal reaction to "sweet" (if applied to a written work of mine).

    Thanks for all...

  16. #153
    Senior Member amaryn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine View Post
    LONELY CORNER

    Tonight I am in my Lonely Corner. It is not a Lonesome Corner . . . because that would mean I was waiting for someone. The Lonely Corner is a place I can go to be by myself; like a wounded dog. I can trail off to a Lonely Corner, lick my wounds, and help myself get better. It is a healing place. But a lonely place.

    Tonight I want to solve the problems of just a little world. The people I've hurt, disappointed, let down, I want to create beautiful poetry, lovely writing to prove that I am in tune with them. Even though they have been left feeling I don't understand, and I cannot help. Within myself, I know I can help.

    There are things to think about. Sometimes I feel that words contain the power to lift someone from the depths of despair. Or remind them that they are not flying so high as they think--that a crash is coming, and they're unaware. Maybe it's not my business. But I think so, because I love them. I love. I do not always know if I am loved back.

    Sometimes I may appear fragile. But I am strong. I may appear weak. But I feel within me the mightiness of Samson. I may look negligible. But I feel inside the power of a near-nuclear reaction--not for destruction, but for positive giving power, healing sayings, uplifting of spirits. How can this be?

    Do I think too much of myself? Or have I been so non-productive during the day, that the things I might be capable of doing nearly overwhelm me at night?

    Wherein is my power? Do I even have it? Will I follow-through and use it to create something that will really benefit someone else? Or several someone elses?

    All I know is, I feel a change a comin' . . . and it feels very, very real. What will I accomplish? Something? or Nothing? . . . Somehow, settling for Nothing does not feel like an option; and it is not an option I like.

    A change is coming . . . How will my life change from here on? What wonder will happen? Or what disappointment will come if the wonder fails? I don't know. But it's comin'. And I'm getting on board. I am licking my wounds, becoming stronger than before, and my mojo's in gear. I feel a change is coming.

    I've been here before. And, oh! Life became sweet! . . . What will it be this time? Something small--or just as big? Change is exciting. And change is frightening. Will I let down or fail the Thing Coming? I don't think so.

    What will it be? What form will it take? I am excited to find out . . . when my last wounds are healed . . . and that power comes upon me that says: YOUR LIFE IS GONNA CHANGE! I won't be fighting it. I'll be fighting FOR it.


    Frankie Jasmine
    02-21-12




    Such crisp, clear lyrics . . . Bring it on. Bring on a change . . . It's been a long time comin' . . .
    Hi Frankie

    Reading this today I have to congratulate you: you have come out of a corner courageously, faced a lot of facts and put them into words
    in a way that has kept many of us following your poetry throughout summertime.
    I can only say: may you succeed even further, as so far on the way you got!
    I bet you even were surprised yourself!

    THANK YOU for what you've given to us!

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    Frankie Jasmine (10-13-2012)

  18. #154
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Default The Black Orb

    . . .




    THE BLACK ORB


    I hold a black orb
    To use it means death
    To let loose of it means life
    I cannot absorb all it means.

    The orb can kill only one
    That one should be me.
    Do I have the right or
    Must I fight it?

    I don’t know.
    I am alone
    In a shell where my voice
    Echoes around me,

    Or is it even my voice?
    I don’t know any more.
    I am Nothing.
    I am almost disappeared.

    Anyway, what does it matter?
    My body feels wasted--
    Yet it’s sound and strong!
    I should not be too hasty.

    My mind works but I cannot
    Understand if it is with or
    Without proper recognition
    Of what’s right, or consequences.

    When a leaf falls off a tree
    Why is it others fall in succession?
    Is it because each must do so?
    Or are they connected?

    Does one fall earlier because
    It is weak?
    Do the others follow because
    Their life blood is cut off?

    Are families like that?
    Or can one die and fall
    And the rest remain beautiful
    And strong afterward?

    This is what I do not know.
    My color is changing
    I’m sapped of life-giving things.
    Do I give up or continue to hang?

    And yes, it feels like hanging
    Struggling to hold on,
    I have not even enough within me
    To form a bead of sweat.

    I am so weak.
    The orb is in one hand
    And might end
    My own suffering.

    The orb holds secrets.
    Maybe it will work, maybe not;
    Without knowing I cannot foresee
    The real outcome.

    Death is not certain at all.
    If it were, how much easier
    This would be
    For me.

    But the others—are we united
    By the tree, or separate?
    Can I die and the others
    Continue to live?

    I am not allowed to know
    The outcome which would
    Free me to do what I must.
    Like rust I hold together
    Two lagging pieces of metal
    Which have already given out.

    What power do I have compared
    To the maleficent black orb?
    None. I am nothing. I feel nothing.
    I feel everything.

    I am numb, but pain dominates.
    I am dumb, but I long to scream.
    I am in deep shadow but I long
    For the light to reveal the truth.

    Truth is no longer my possession.
    I am lost in a hellish desolation.
    Are thoughts real? Am I real?
    Are voices real? Are imaginings real?
    Ah, yes, imaginings have taken on
    More meaning than ever.

    They are louder and stronger
    Each day.
    Saying that it is time to pay the price
    For your screwed-up life.

    I cannot see the light.
    Someone tells me it’s
    Around the corner.
    But I have my honor.

    I don’t want to live like this
    Any more.
    Where is the door? Why will
    No one show me?

    Why do people move about
    As though I’m not here?
    Am I in an alternate
    Universe

    Because I hurt?
    It is so…very…lonely…here.
    I have lost every fear
    Of what may come

    Or of what I might bring about
    In the middle of the night
    While everyone else sleeps
    Peacefully.

    I have the black orb
    It beckons me to open it
    I want to open it
    What stops me?


    ---------
    F.J.
    10-16-2012
    Attached Images Attached Images

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    Teshka (10-17-2012)

  20. #155
    Senior Member Teshka's Avatar
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    Hello Frankie, i've missed you a lot in the past few days. I've read this 3 or 4 times but couldn't get the time to respond. the major effect that this had was that the last 4 verses remind me of a place where i once was, i'm sure not the same as you and no dont worry its not a bad thing and its like how someone can feel a certain peace from identifying with something that someone else says or experiences. Thats what i want to say about this, but first i caught the flow or progression of this from beginning to end, and second, just that this brings something home and thats my "critical review" that it works and it tells a long story (or so i feel) that may be compressed in a very short time frame, like maybe sitting on a back porch alone on a starless night and feeling the weight of a lifetime falling on you....and then wondering where and how far it will push you. Do i have it right, is that close to what one should get from this?
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~

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  22. #156
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Tess: To this line--"how someone can feel a certain peace from identifying with something that someone else says or experiences..."--I would add the obvious, "even if it is painful." I have experienced this from others' poetry, including yours. Sometimes when it is a younger songwriter/poet, I think, "Oh, how could they ever express what I feel??" yet there is (as you say) peace or comfort in that.

    Again, we come to the discussion that poetry means different things to different people. This is the beauty, I think. So I am so glad you expressed how you perceived the poem somewhat as a "life passing before one's eyes," and I enjoyed the image of sitting alone on the back porch. So . . . you have given every bit as much to me--through your viewpoint--as I was able to give in the poem. This is not "what was" for me, but you have broadened its meaning greatly by your input. Thank you so much for your thoughtful, insightful sharing. I look forward to it each time. Both for the feelings we share and for the ideas we share which are different. I'm so appreciative.
    Last edited by Frankie Jasmine; 10-17-2012 at 05:00 PM.

  23. #157
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Frankie;
    I can HEAR this as a Song!The last verse or one with "the orb"could be a chorus/refrain.It's very Pink Floyd-ish.While reading it I could imagine an echo chamber making the words/lyrics all the more potent.P.S.8 ball,anyone?

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  25. #158
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Wow. "Songworthy" from Doug Denslowe! I feel as though I hit the big time! Thank you so much, Doug, and for the "echo chamber" thought. That never occurred to me--I like it!

  26. #159
    Senior Member amaryn's Avatar
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    Hi Frankie!

    Living On the Dark Side Of the Moon
    , to speak with Doug and Pink Floyd. That's where I find you in this poem of yours.
    Again, it is so honest, so full of questions, dark considerations, touching philosophy and the ever lingering question hanging above everybodys' head: IS THERE A DOOR TO GET OUT or TO ENTER SOMETHING ELSE?

    I feel this one strongly connected with myself. As does Teshka (am I right?).
    I also recognize that there are moments of hope- or is it agony?: " I long for the light to reveal the truth" That happens to be so in much of your poetry: struggle.
    These are first considerations and observations from my part. I'll have to read it often.
    It has much to give.
    Thanks again

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  28. #160
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    @Amaryn:

    Agony cries out for hope.
    When no end is in sight,
    the struggle is compounded
    by confusion, desolation, loneliness.
    Untenable solutions emerge.
    Some are easily rejectable.
    Others are not so easily rejected.
    Yet others are redoubtable.
    Decisions are hard because the question remains:
    Is this solution or step rational? . . or not?
    Stalemate can set in.
    At that point, options dwindle to:
    Endurance of more of the same;
    Possibility of more pain;
    Numbness.

    Yes, struggle is an adequate word for it.
    More like a war, with some battles won,
    some lost.
    The goal is to emerge from the war.
    I will myself to emerge.
    I work to emerge.
    And I fight to emerge.

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