Dragon Hunt

***************
In days of old
Or so they say
To prove you were worthy
A Dragon you'd slay
But,other than movies
Cartoons and such
Finding a Dragon
Your chances.........not much

Now,as ironic
As this may sound
Chasing the Dragon
Can now be found
Pretty girls,friends
And parties abound
Chasing the Dragon
Was all around

My first impression
It was a joke
Then I caught one
Did it with coke
Lit a fire.........
Sucked real hard
A one-eyed Jack winked............
I drew my first card

Now your happy
Act like a clown
Good-looking,rich
The talk of the town
But what goes up
Gotta come down
Cause when you run out
It's,"I'll see you around"

I didn't slay a Dragon
Just got a good look
Couldn't resist
Went back,got hooked
So,you ask
"What's your point"
Don't chase Dragons
Please,pass the joint

Then,one day
You're sick to the bone
You call up your chums
They hang-up the phone
Now no girls
Friends or money
You've blown it all
On dragon-honey
Take it from me
You're gonna drown
Sooner than later
You're dead in the ground

5/11/01

The message that was here no longer applied,so I deleted it.the problem is,I can't think of anything clever to put in it's place.See Comment 11 and pretend it was here.

dude i think right wavelength is right. i love the imagery here especially the card reference in the 3rd verse. i think that this would suit stoner rock really well, real Down stuff methinks. \m/ sex, drugs, rock and roll dude!

Thanks for taking the time to Comment on my song.I was hoping for more input from people reading these posts,but what can you say?

I think its good, bad and crazy all in one lol it kind of blew my mind wasn't expecting that, but I like it a lot. We got to slay the dragons in our lives.

Real cool piece here Doug I'm glad you told me about this. This ones hard I don't see much of anything at all I can offer to help (as usual with your scriptures) just one word things, I'll give it a shot. Feel free to ignore these as they're not much;

"In the days of old
Or so they say
To prove you were worthy
A Dragon you'd slay
But,other than movies
Cartoons and such
Finding a Dragon
Your chances....... *weren't* much."
(my reasoning is simply that this is the last line of a verse that takes place in the past you know? So the word 'weren't' fits that theme I think)

"now as ironic,
As this may sound
Chasing the Dragon
Can now be found
Pretty girls,friends
And parties *renowned*
Chasing the Dragon
Was all around"
(the way you wrote it sounded great, just adding my touch really. Sort of felt that 'abound' and 'around' we're too similar in vowel sounds)

Aha that's litteraly all I have. This is a great job. I love the last two stanzas and especially the last six lines. Perfect man.
- Nicholas

I'll check out your other piece soon, I remembered I owed you a read-over so I squeezed this in before work.

@Doug, smoothtung: Just gotta say, I understand the grammatical reasons for the change noted by ST. But then again, when did songs/lyrics ever really adhere to grammar--not often. My vote is with "not much." To me it fits with the casual, rather defeatist tone of the poem/lyrics. For me "it fits."

No offense, smoothtung! I know you're wanting to help Doug in whatever way you can because he's so good at helping us. Just differing opinions!!

I really like this Doug, I like how you used the idea of the dragon its quite a formidable foe.

Great stuff Doug. I don't have anything more concrete to offer, coz as I read it I was just cruisin' on that wavelength that Tomatomic mentioned

For those of you old enough to remember the commercials on both radio and television that went,"I'm Chiquita Banana and I'm here to say"......well,if you know the rhythm of that jingle,That's what I have it mind for the rhythm of this novelty song.(No refrain/chorus)I hear steel drums in the background (a la Carrie Ann by the Hollies)It goes pretty much the same until the line,"Then one day,You're sick to the bone,You call up your chums,They hang-up the phone"that part slows to a crawl.Then.........
Back to the regular beat.It's suppose to be funny( that's why I put the "Please pass the joint"line in)I hope you all understood where I was coming from.If you didn't,I hope,now you do!P.S.if you want the rhythm of this song;YouTube Chiquita Banana Ads

Yep, I got it, and my first big clue was these lines.... they just set off an image of a certain lightheartedness/non-seriosity in my head...

Lit a fire.........
Sucked real hard
A one-eyed Jack winked............
I drew my first card

I also got a visual impression that you may be winking back at the card, or the situation, or something

Dats it!!!

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

@Doug, smoothtung: Just gotta say, I understand the grammatical reasons for the changed noted by ST. But then again, when did songs/lyrics ever really adhere to grammar--not often. My vote is with "not much." To me it fits with the casual, rather defeatist tone of the poem/lyrics. For me "it fits."

No offense, smoothtung! I know you're wanting to help Doug in whatever way you can because he's so good at helping us. Just differing opinions!!

No Frankie I completely agree, I told him feel free to ignore what I said. It's just Doug asked me to read over a piece and give him some feedback. I personally feel like I'm cheating someone by just responding 'this was real good' but at the same time I couldn't find ANYTHING that needed obvious changing in this script. So I sort of just relayed two small things (that were so small and personal to him that it really didn't matter either way) just so he didn't feel I was leaving him out to dry when he in return has been so helpful to me.

Understood precisely, ST!

The thankyou button has vanished for me somehow. 'thank you'

I know me too I don't know what happened to it.

Ahah over-usage

Yeh, the "Thanks" rules are a little more specific than the "Like" button; there's a caution to use it for posts that are truly useful. In the past week, I was afraid I was gonna get "overuse"--there were so many things that were helpful and much appreciated on the lyrics/poetry threads!

You and all of us Frankie, we take the ATL form of some peace loving hippies on here it's great.