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Thread: Honesty

  1. #1
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Cool Honesty

    ****************
    Your web was spun
    You knew I'd fall
    No hesitation
    I gave my all

    Then you started
    To lead me on
    I misjudged you
    We don't belong

    Never the truth
    Why always lie
    Just to laugh at me
    To see me cry

    I once believed
    That you were it
    Not a lying cheat
    A hypocrite

    You had me fooled
    But,not for long
    Second verse
    Same old song

    What first attracted
    You to me
    Was your Honesty
    Your Honesty

    Lesson learned
    I won't be back
    Not for diamond rings
    A Cadillac

    When you get older
    Alone at night
    Just remember the boy
    Who treated you right

    Written 2001
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 04-06-2014 at 11:39 AM.

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    mexico62 (07-15-2012),Saybers Lyricals (06-10-2012)

  3. #2
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    Can i use this if i reference you, i have a song instrumental that i think would fit it perfectly

  4. #3
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    Really great, relatable

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    Brilliant in it's simplicity!

  6. #5
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Fantastic, Doug. You get so much across with so few words.

    I hear a country song, but I know that's not your "venue"!!

    I really like this song.

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    Doug Denslowe (09-08-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saybers Lyricals View Post
    Can i use this if i reference you, i have a song instrumental that i think would fit it perfectly
    Hi Saybers Lyricals, if you make a song using this lyrics, please let us know where can we hear it, or if it´s possible at least some demo, we know that Doug have a very good style and he knows how to make good rhymes, so his lyrics are so musical, you can check his others posts, if you have good music you can make several number ones, and thanks to Doug for share your work with us. Saludos a todos.

  9. #7
    Senior Member Johnb31's Avatar
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    Nice job I like this I can feel the anger or more like regret for being with her in the first place.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind

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    Doug Denslowe (09-08-2012)

  11. #8
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Again,Thanks for giving this,one of my best,another shot at fame!The Chorus in this was sung so unusual,that to put it in as "just words"would have loss it's power!It's the sixth verse;What first attracted you to me,Was your Honesty,Your Honesty.
    Sung;Your Ho-----nes----------teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,Your Ho----------nes---------------teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!Sung with such Pain and Passion that I didn't have the heart to..........write it,as I have just done.So,again,Thanks John for shining a new light on this "oldie"!P.S.I tried to get in touch with Sayber Lyricals,he/she seems to have dropped off the Earth!The last thing was in June,we're still waiting to hear back.
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 09-09-2012 at 02:59 AM. Reason: Sayber Lyricals Comment

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  13. #9
    Senior Member Experimentalist's Avatar
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    well done Doug, similiar content matter to most of my work, damn girls who leave you high dry and make you cry! Damn *****es! I like this bit in particular.

    I once believed
    That you were it
    Not a lying cheat
    A hypocrite



    I can relate to this right now, perfect way of putting it, my ex may get a quick text actually with your 4th stanza!

  14. #10
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Thanks for giving me a reply,Ex.This was written about a girl who I wasn't attracted to,but kept coming on.(See:Cruel Intentions)
    I first thought she was so honest(Honesty)Then found out it was all a lie(Lie after lie,And I'd believe,Cause you had something,Up your sleeve.From Cruel Intentions)Me Me Mine is also written about the same girl.My favorite "Honesty-verse" is:
    When you get older
    Alone at night
    Just remember the boy
    Who treated you right

    It ties it up into a nice bow!
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 09-12-2012 at 10:52 PM.

  15. #11
    Senior Member Thatsmeonthetrain's Avatar
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    I love how angry this song is. It's so cruel and tempting!
    This is great, Doug.

  16. #12
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Doug, where's my post on this song?! I know I made one, because I referred to the Hooonnneessteeeee! part, which I think is great! (Maybe I forgot to hit the Post button, IDK.) The way you wrote it makes it a real gut wrencher. BTW, that's a good thing! Gut wrenching is good. And if we heard it--likely GREAT!

  17. #13
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    I remember reading it.I think you posted right after I posted Comment #8!Well,thank you again for posting on the Honesty Thread!
    Maybe the "higher-ups"thought you heaped too much praise on me,and censored it!Who knows?I'll keep my eye on this one!Thanks again,I appreciate it more than you'll ever know!!!!

  18. #14
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    I like the feelings behind this and you have some good rhymes going on but I would love to see this written in a more structured pattern with obvious change ups. Reads too much like a poem for me.
    Kathy

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    Doug Denslowe (09-19-2012)

  20. #15
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KathyB View Post
    I like the feelings behind this and you have some good rhymes going on but I would love to see this written in a more structured pattern with obvious change ups. Reads too much like a poem for me.
    First off,Kathy,I want to Thank You for taking the time and energy to give me a Reply.The fact that you "Don't Love It" even means more.Most folks(like me)ONLY give positive feedback.The fact that you were "Honest"enough to give me feedback that had both positive and negative reactions shows others how it should be done around here.For that,I applaud you!Now.......as far as it being "more like a poem"isn't that,in fact,what Song Lyrics are?Poems put to music?In my book,a successful song is merely a Poem with a beat and a Chorus!Thanking You again,for your great critique.
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 09-19-2012 at 11:13 PM.

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    Ah ha! No in fact lyrics are not poems put to music....giggle, the debate begins....lyrics are lyrics and poems are poems...there is a fine line between the two.

    There are "tells" for a poem so that writer know the difference. For example: If a writing doesn't follow a song structure, No obvious title or the lyric isn't conversational....it is classified as a poem...I do know rap and some other genres are not as conversational but putting that aside I would ask you how many love interests have you said that first paragraph to...I'm betting none.

    So by my saying I would love to see this in a song structure I meant an 8 line verse 4 or 8 line chorus repeat verse then chorus you can add a bridge if you wanted. So it would be v-c-v-b-c

    Just to show you, you don't have an obvious title in the first 5 parts....

    Your web was spun
    You knew I'd fall
    No hesitation
    I gave my all

    Then you started
    To lead me on
    I misjudged you
    We don't belong

    Never the truth
    Why always lie
    Just to laugh at me
    To see me cry

    I once believed
    That you were it
    Not a lying cheat
    A hypocrite

    You had me fooled
    But,not for long
    Second verse
    Same old song

    Remember these are just opinions. We all have em....
    Kathy

  22. #17
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Okay,I'm up at 4:41in the morning,so I want to tell you how this Really goes,when I sing it.

    Your web was spun
    You knew I'd fall
    No hesitation
    I gave my all

    Then you started
    To lead me on
    I mis judged you
    We don't belong

    What first attracted
    You to me
    Was your honesty
    Your honesty

    Your hooooooooonnnnnnnneeeeeeeesssssssssttttttttttttttt eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    Your hhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooonnnnnnnnnneeeeeeesssssssttt ttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    Never the truth
    Why always lie
    Just to laugh at me
    To see me cry

    I once believed
    That you were it
    Not a lying cheat
    A hypocrite

    What first attracted
    You to me
    Was your honesty
    Your honesty

    Your hhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooonnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeessssssssst tttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    Your hhhhhhhhhhoooooooooonnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeessssssssss stttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Etc.


    When I post my Song Lyrics,I don't always say exactly how it's supposeto be sung,
    Sometimes I leave out the Chorus,sometimes I leave out the arrangement
    I give folks enough to see the work,but I have hopes of someday recording,
    So,I don't give everything away!

    Again,your critique is one of the best I've read,keep on giving them!

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    you shouldn't worry about copyright as soon as you put pen to paper its yours.
    Kathy

  24. #19
    Senior Member Johnb31's Avatar
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    Finally someone besides me says it lol.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind

  25. #20
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KathyB View Post
    you shouldn't worry about copyright as soon as you put pen to paper its yours.
    But did redeem myself,as far as it being a Song Lyric or is it still a Poem?

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    Jim Colyer (09-21-2012)

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