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Thread: The Smithy

  1. #1
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Cool The Smithy

    ***********************
    Once the greatest Blacksmith
    Who now hated life
    Thanks to the murder
    Of his daughter and his wife

    With the help of his hammer
    And the world's hardest steel
    He forged an invulnerable weapon
    Any poncho could conceal

    Leather straps on his shoulders
    Steel plates on his back and chest
    A six-gun and an iron will
    To put it to the test

    Soon he'd find those who
    Turned his life to dirt
    First he'd kill them
    Then eat their brains, for desert

    Anybody who faced him
    Usually wound up dead
    Nothing was able to stop him
    Except maybe,a bullet in the head

    Leather straps on his shoulders
    Steel plates on his back and chest
    A six-gun and an iron will
    To put to the test

    He killed a small army
    A few managed to retreat
    All rambling stories
    Too horrible to repeat

    Written 2008
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 04-15-2014 at 10:12 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    OK. First of all, I'm not into modern revenge songs, especially violent/murderous ones. That being said, violence and murder as art shows up from paintings, to Appalachian Mountain Songs, to rap (that kind I don't care for usually), to legendary poetry. So, looking at what I read as a poem, and from the distance of "time" and modern-day relevance, I like the poetry of it and could hear it as the following: poetry, Mountain music, or an Irish ballad (just my 'acceptable' frames of reference for murdeous songs). As for poetry, it's done pretty well! What came to my mind after reading it was another murderous classic--Harry Chapin's "Sniper." I like "Sniper" and some similar songs because they give insight into the person (for good or ill) to put perspective on the carnage. That's why I need the time separation (which the title "Smithy" brings to it, although they still exist in my neck of the woods) or thinking of it as an Appalachian Mountain song. It primarily sets another era, and for that reason I like it. Easier to deal with than current drug/street violence. Ending chorus/stanzas are great.
    _ _ _ _ _

    P.S. Just a "Frankie Reality Check" which you can take or leave, since my opinion matters no more than anyone else's--certainly including yours!--the eating brains was a little much for me. The rest was solid (excuse the pun) imagery.

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    Doug Denslowe (06-23-2012)

  4. #3
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    That line upset my old guitar player as well.It was put there for that very reason;to upset the reader/listener.It was intended as a comic book anti-hero or some character from a "B" movie from the 50's.I very much respect your opinion and feedback.I hope I didn't turn you off to my other lyrics/poems since that is a stand alone tale,not representative of my work,just of that piece.Thanks
    Frankie J.I love hearing your input and view.Doug

  5. #4
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    No. Not put off at all, Doug. Just going through some of your stuff, but you've put up a lot in a short time! I am limited online (time), so I may have to get to others later.

    Sounds like you are already playing these songs--to audiences?? If so, please continue to give your basic description of the music style. It helps me to "hear" it your way instead of my own imaginary music (which happens kind of naturally in my head if the lyrics flow well, which yours do.)

  6. #5
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Don't like the brains part, but ditto on everything else!

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    Doug Denslowe (06-16-2015)

  8. #6
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine View Post
    Don't like the brains part, but ditto on everything else!
    Thanks.........up for new readers......

  9. #7
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Holds up still, Doug!

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