Finnish Poetry [it hasn't a title yet]

Mooooooiiiii kaikille!!
This is my first thread and even if there's the poetry topic on this site, I thought to put it on the translation section.. Because more than make it read, I need really help to translate it.
So hope you'll not be mad at me!

I tried to translate it in finnish by my own, but since I'm not good at all unluckyly (but i'll succeed one day! One day far, far, far away of course , the result was a disaster.
That's why I'm asking help to you people.. It'd be totally appreciated.. Even because i'd love so much see how it sounds...
The poetry/abnormalthingicantdefine/ is this:

Once upon a time and the moon knocked.
How to die on a lotus flower.
Pale dawn of melancholy, flee away from this evanescent heresy.
Run to me, run to me, come to see the winter melting even the life.
Come with me, come with me, I'll bring you to touch the shining stars.
How the hearts fade away and you die in a dream, even the north wind will end its path.
Talking voices and fearing shadows, that's how it was on a hot day of torment.
Wipe your tears sad little girl, laugh to the spell of a gentle poetry.

Ps. Forgot the most important thing: Thanks for the help in advice!!

Once upon a time and the moon knocked. -Olipa kerran ja kuu koputti/ kuuhun koputettu.
How to die on a lotus flower. - Kuinka kuolla lootuskukan päällä.
Pale dawn of melancholy, flee away from this evanescent heresy. - Melankolian kalpea aamunkoi, pakene pois tästä häipyvästä harhaoppisuudesta.
Run to me, run to me, come to see the winter melting even the life. - Juokse luokseni, juokse luokseni, tule katsomaan talven sulattavan jopa elämän.
Come with me, come with me, I'll bring you to touch the shining stars. - Tule kanssani, tule kanssani, tuon sinut koskettamaan loistavia tähtiä.
How the hearts fade away and you die in a dream, even the north wind will end its path. - Kuinka sydämet haipuvat ja kuolet unessa, jopa pohjoistuuli päättää polkunsa.
Talking voices and fearing shadows, that's how it was on a hot day of torment. - Puhuvat äänet ja pelkäävät varjot, niin se oli kuumana piinan päivänä.
Wipe your tears sad little girl, laugh to the spell of a gentle poetry. - Pyyhi kyyneleesi surullinen pikku tyttö, naura hellän runouden lumoukseen.

This is pretty much a direct translation. A better translation would require a deeper undestanding of the poem. Alas I don't really understand poetry that well, so there might be some errors. Tried my best though

Haha nevermind don't worry, I think that this is much as well!
Really kiitti, kiitti, kiitti, kiitos paljon, you helped me a lot!!
I swear that i could spend even an entire day by reading this.. I love finnish so badly! You have such a beautiful language..

Eräänä päivänä kuu tahtoi tietää, kuinka kuolla lumpeenkukalle.
Alakulon apea aamunkoi, pakene pian pois tästä haihtuvasta harhasta.
Kiiruhda kiiruhda kanssani katsomaan, kuinka talvi sulattaa itse elämän.
Mennään mennään yhdessä koskettamaan tähdenloistoa.
Kuinka sydämet haipuvat pois ja nukahdat ikiuneen, siellä mistä itse pohjatuuli löytää matkansa pään.
Äkeät äänet ja arat varjot, sellaista se oli sinä helteisenä piinan päivänä.
Pyyhi pois kyyneleesi surullinen tyttöseni ja naura vielä kerran se runouden hellä taika.

That's my effort. I took much more "poetic freedom" than ocean to get it fluent finnish and especially also to get some alliteration in it, as alliteration is one of the most important elements in finnish poetry. I hope you don't get offended my changes of words because of alliteration (for example "äkeät äänet"). There were some parts I'm not sure if I understood your meaning right so I just tried to imagine what you probably meaned (the beginning of the poem). Some of my changes affected to the whole meaning of the sentence (for example heresy = harhaoppi, literally finnish "illusion teaching" so I left away the clumsy sounding "oppi" word).

This is literal "backtranslation" of my version to the english:
In a one day moon wanted to knew
how to die on Nymphaea alba
Glum dawn of the melancholy, flee quickly away from this fading illusion
Hurry hurry with me to see how the winter melts the life itself
Let's go Let's go together touch to star brightness.
How the hearts fade away and you slept eternal sleep, There where the north wind itself will find the end of it's travel
Angry voices and timid shadows, that's how it was in that day of torment and heat.
Wipe your tears away my sad little girl (tyttönen = diminutive of girl) and laugh once again that gentle spell of poetry.

P.S. If you want to know how it sounds in finnish you can try this. (You better try only one sentence at the time, because if you put more, then he reads annoyingly aloud also the punctuation saying "piste" which means full stop in finnish.)