Good bye to a friend - adios a un amigo (english - spanish)

This third attempt to translate a poem to english is dedicated to my friend Frankie Jasmine, and Baris Akarsu, I wrote it sometime ago
when I loss myself a friend, that can make us cry, but give us the hope to find them sometime and somewhere else. Hope friends can help me to improve it, cause as you know my english is not good enough to this works, but I try by heart. Please don´t be shy to comment, we want to get better shape to our thoughts and dreams.Thanks in advance.

GOOD BYE TO A FRIEND

I cannot imagine you, there fallen.
If I saw you just a few days ago
full of hopes and flooding joy,
with your youth, plans and blooming dreams.
You had a life full of triumphs ahead.
How can be possible that the world is still turning,
¿Doesn´t understand that without you something has changed?
I´m anguished for you and for ourselves,
for our laughable human fragility
that remind us that we are nothing,
and that we can´t fight against the time.
We are toys at the mercy of the wicked destiny.
We are nothing but sand falling in a watch,
traces in a blackboard, made with a soft chalk.
dust and water forming a mixture
that tomorrow will be only ashes.
Maybe that irony that our destiny weaves
would make it angry, cause it knows that even we are mortals
we enjoy the good moments as we can,
and no matter that sorrows charge against us,
we change this hard life into a carnival.
And though now it wants to bitter us with your depart,
we will laugh of this new farce,
because will take your body away from us,
but then will be bigger it´s rage and angry,
cause won´t be capable to tear your memory from us,
neither the advises you gave us one day
nor the nice hours that you offered us,
our your smile from our thoughts.
And I give thanks to God at this very moment.
Because He allowed me to know you.
And He set a great honor in my destiny,
that one day I could name you “my friend”.


ADIOS A UN AMIGO
(A David Arellano en el día de su muerte)

No puedo imaginarte ahí desfallecido
después de haberte visto hace unos días,
lleno de esperanzas y alegría desbordante
con juventud, planes y sueños florecientes,
con toda una vida de triunfos por delante.
Como es posible que aún el mundo gira,
no comprende que sin ti algo ha cambiado.
Me angustio por ti y por nosotros mismos,
por nuestra risible fragilidad humana
que nos hace recordar que somos nada,
que no podemos luchar contra del tiempo,
juguetes al arbitrio del crápula destino
no somos sino arena en un reloj cayendo,
trazos en un pizarrón con débil tiza,
polvo y agua que forman una masa
que el día de mañana será solo ceniza.
Tal vez sea esa la ironía que teje el sino
que se enfada de saber que aunque mortales
disfrutamos los momentos que podemos
y a pesar de las penas que nos acometen
a la ardua vida en carnaval trocamos,
y aunque nos quiere amargar con tu partida
nos reiremos de esta nueva farsa,
porque alejará de nuestro lado tu presencia
mas será mayor su rabia y su coraje,
Pues no podrá arrancarnos tu recuerdo
ni los consejos que un día nos diste
o las horas gratas que nos regalaste,
ni tu sonrisa de nuestro pensamiento,
y gracias doy a Dios en este instante
por haberme permitido conocerte
y poner el gran honor en mi destino
de haber podido un día llamarte amigo.

@mexico62,

Thank you so much for this lovely dedication, expressing, yes, some of my feelings about the loss of BARIS AKARSU. You honor me by the dedication. I am very grateful to have the opportunity to hear this lovely poem in English. I like it very much. Gracias, mi amigo . . .

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

@mexico62,

Thank you so much for this lovely dedication, expressing, yes, some of my feelings about the loss of BARIS AKARSU. You honor me by the dedication. I am very grateful to have the opportunity to hear this lovely poem in English. I like it very much. Gracias, mi amigo . . .

In the way of our lives we know people that we cannot forget, people that maybe some day must go before us, but if they were special is our life, they stay with us forever. I hope God have a beautiful place for all that lovely people that once made our days brighter with the light of their souls, and thanks to God for sent us to earth angels that took care of us, and whom we could call some day friends. (Please tell me if I used correctly "whom" in the last sentence, Gracias)

Mexico62;very nice.Only one question;the first line,there like fainted.What did you try to say?There like fainted doesn't translate to something I'm sure I understand,and I DO want to understand what you're trying to express.Besides this,Englishwise youre coming along like an old pro.There are people who were born here that can't express themselves as well as you do.Bravo,keep up the good work,and look for my "Coming Soon" song,"Louie the Lip"I think you'll like it.Doug

Originally Posted by Doug Denslowe

Mexico62;very nice.Only one question;the first line,there like fainted.What did you try to say?There like fainted doesn't translate to something I'm sure I understand,and I DO want to understand what you're trying to express.Besides this,Englishwise youre coming along like an old pro.There are people who were born here that can't express themselves as well as you do.Bravo,keep up the good work,and look for my "Coming Soon" song,"Louie the Lip"I think you'll like it.Doug

Hi Doug, thank you for reading my poem, and for your attention, in the first line I tried to say "It´s impossible for me to imagine my friend lying like if he lose his consciuos", that why I wrote "fainted", I think of it as derivated from "faint". And is because this word keep the same meaning as the phrase have in spanish. You know that I´m not so advanced to write poems in english, but I wanted to share this with you my friends, so I do appreciate your effort to help me to make it better. Hope you and many other friends give me some good ideas to change and improve it.
Thank you too for your possitive words, I try my best to write and give the essence of my thoughts. And be sure that I will try to help you in what I can, but you are number one in writing lyrics and rhymes, Gracias amigo Doug.

P.S. I´ll be waiting your kinds advices to improve this poem, specially if you can help me to make some rhymes, and in the first line, thanks again

Dear mexico62: Personally, I love the way you express yourself casually. You speak with purity and impactfulness. When you write notes to us on the threads, your heart is obviously in each expression. Please never lose that quality for the sake of perfecting grammar . . .

However, you asked about the following sentence. YES! Your use of "whom" is correct ! . . . The only minor corrections to that sentence are in 'bold':


From Mexico62: "I hope God has a beautiful place for all these lovely people who once made our days brighter with the light of their souls; and thanks to God for sending to earth angels that took care of us, and whom we could call friends."


Si, si, si, Mexico! In its simplest form (there are exceptions for special clauses):

We [subject] could call [verbal phrase] friends [object] > "whom" is for referring to the object, in this case 'friends'!!!
"Who" is for referring to the subject. In some sentences it is very hard for me to decide upon 'who' or 'whom.'

You did a great job!!

Hi F. J., Thank you again, your words fill my heart with joy, cause I know that you are true and honest, I´m glad that I found you here, I think that we write because we want people read and know what is inside our heart, that is why is important that people like you, Doug, and all of our friends (in ATL), give us an opinion about our works, even if it could make us feel sorry, but in this way we can continue growing up.

As you say, I will try not to become a grammar slave, but you are so nice and kind to explain about grammar it´s so clear the way you explain, that I´m certain that I got the point in the use of who and whom, and I´m checking about all your advises. Gracias amiga.

you are doing a great job too !!

Mexico62;I would change the line from;there like fainted,to:there,fainted.The word"like"is unnecessary.I think that's what you're trying to express.Frankie J.,do you agree with me on this?In any case,just trying to help.Not trying to "rain on your parade"!!!
I hope you take this with the love it's given,Doug

Doug and Mexico,

This is the first line:

I cannot imagine you, there like fainted.

Doug is right--using your own translation, you may remove "like." His suggestion cuts to the quickest, clearest, most appropriate option. The line remains in your own words, with improved English and good punctuation:

I cannot imagine you there, fainted.

_ _ _ _ _

A phrase one could use in place of "like" is "as though." "As though," in this instance however, would weaken the line of your poem.
The line is better as Doug suggests--in keeping with your own translation, grammatically correct, and it fits your poetic/emotional sense also.

I will explain the use of "as though" on another English thread. (When done, I'll add the link here for you, so it's easy to find.)

Hi F. J., and Doug, Please don´t worry Doug, I know that all the time you think in helping us, so please you and F.J., can make all the corrections that can make a better job., and I can see that both of you are so special, talented and huge hearted, so your ideas and words are always welcome, because I know that they come from your lovely hearts. Gracias, ustedes son mis maestros y amigos. (Thanks you are my teachers and friends).

Dear Mexico62: I have read a post on another thread referring to this poem. Unfortunately, I must have read your introduction above too quickly.
This is your poem! Oh, my! How wonderful!! I thought it was a professional poem you translated into English as a dedication to me, regarding BARIS AKARSU!

Your poem is quite lovely, very meaningful, and well done, my friend. Congratulations!

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

Dear Mexico62: I have read a post on another thread referring to this poem. Unfortunately, I must have read your introduction above too quickly.
This is your poem! Oh, my! How wonderful!! I thought it was a professional poem you translated into English as a dedication to me, regarding BARIS AKARSU!

Your poem is quite lovely, very meaningful, and well done, my friend. Congratulations!

Hi F. J., and thank you for your kind and friendly words, and thanks for the feelings that all of you in this site and is these forums show to each other, I told you some days before that some of my writings are from several years ago (maybe 30), I wrote "good bye to a friend" in 2008.
I´m so glad that you liked it and thanks for sharing your thougths and open your heart to us, you are a wonderful person, friend, writer and teacher, Gracias amiga.

Obviously I've been ignoring this section way too much lately. This is great! And I enjoy the Spanish just as much as the English.

First line: I'd like to suggest "I cannot imagine you, there fallen" ... a poetic synonym for one who has died. Yes/No? Frankie, Doug, what do you think?

Moonride*r* when you're right,you're right.I think this expresses exactly what mexico62 was trying to say.I vote,"Yes"!!

I "second"--or is it "third"--that "YES"!! Mexico-Amigo, I like "fallen" . . . It has a more adult sound than "fainted," yet still allows the misconception--that you could not believe it was actually death.

Originally Posted by MoonRide*r*

Obviously I've been ignoring this section way too much lately. This is great! And I enjoy the Spanish just as much as the English.

First line: I'd like to suggest "I cannot imagine you, there fallen" ... a poetic synonym for one who has died. Yes/No? Frankie, Doug, what do you think?

thanks a lot MoonRide*r*, I love that you liked the poem, and thank you too for your correction, this is great for our poetry workshop team, I hope you continue reading and helping to get better, gracias amigo.