In Your Eyes

Just an experiment. I am not a songwriter but i woke up in the middle of the night with one musical phrase creeping thru my brain, fell off to sleep again but now hours later i have my very first "complete" song-writing attempt....written for an EDM score, 4/4 time, the tempo intersects between house and trance, around 125 bpm so that it can go either way. I can also half imagine a piano version....

Wish i knew all the right terms for vocal pauses, breaks or cuts. Words followed by dots(...) use a whole 4-beat bar and a comma takes a beat. i hope all of that extra annotation doesn't irritate. (edit, i took out most of the "annotations" so that it's easier to read...also added a small but important word that i left out before)

If this is not all that great, please be kind but also please don't encourage me to do anymore!


It's all in your eyes, there's so much there for me to see; all truth that i will ever need to know


-verse 1-
Eyes...your eyes cannot lie
When i feel them search me and touch me inside
I'm wakened by the sadness and the pain that you can't hide

-verse 2-
Arms...you hold me so tight
While your own heart was breaking, you turned on the light
that warmed me like the sun and made me know i'm the only one

-bridge-
The truth that i have learned, in your eyes
Love will always burn, in your eyes

-chorus 1-
Eyes on fire, let me see
Pain...no one can see but me
But I know, now I claim the prize
The fire of love that burns, in your eyes

(repeat chorus 1)

-verse 3-
-possibly a breakdown for these 2 lines-
I know i am the flame, and i won't lay you down with blame
for all the shadows in your heart...
.....
-instrumental rebuilding/uplifting-
.....
I know it's not a lie, when your kiss sets me on fire
And you hold me like we've never been apart
(just hold me like we'll never be apart)

-chorus 1-
Eyes on fire, let me see
Pain...no one can see but me
I know, now I claim the prize
The fire of love that burns, in your eyes

-chorus 2-
Hearts on fire, let me be
Love, that wants to set you free
Fan the fire that gives me life
The fire of love that burns, in your eyes

In your eyes
In your eyes
In your eyes...
-instrumental-
.....
....

Welcome to the Club!The songwriters club,that is.Very good,especially for your first attempt.If you hadn't said so,I'd think you were an "old pro"Keep up the good work,looking forward to more.

Thank you so much! That's way more than I expected!

!!!!! Why you been keepin secrets like this from me Boo? This is great!!! Dying to hear the melody now...
Arms....... yeah.... next time I see you I'm gonna squeeze you till you pop <33

Tess, this is a wonderful adventure into a different world of art--lyrics writing. This is beautiful poetry, even by itself. I hear truth in it. (Very important to me.) The fact that it came to you as a song and not as poetry is significant. Do with that gift as you will . . .

I am very proud of you for this.

Moon and Frankie thank you SO MUCH, both of you, your comments on and offline (Moon♥) mean more to me than i can express

P.S. And your fan, Doug D.! Guaranteed--he says what he means and means what he says. Period.

Oh yea Frankie (and Doug) the sincerity is obvious and Doug i've read some of your stuff, and your talent for writing gives your comments even more weight, so thank you very much again!

I like this as well it flows nicely. Even in the spots u said it might be sketchy.

Thanks (again) Johnb and yea i've worked out the melody and i'm very slowly trying to use a demo copy of FL Studio to arrange it, just as a test to see if i can do it....this is my first effort at doing anything like this and its going sooooooooo sloooooooooowly but i do hope i can finish it....i'm sure that i would be better off buying the full version of the software but i don't wanna spend $200 or more unless i know that i can actually put it to use :-/

Girl, what you call going slowly and what I call going slowly are defo two different things! You're a go-getter! Go get 'em, Tess!

if you only knew how sloooooooow i move a lot of the time you wouldn't be saying that <3

The eyes never lie. Good lyric.

This could work with music or as standalone poetry.

Fantastic work.

33 "Likes" and counting,it looks like you've got a Fan Club started.I'm in!

Doug, I just made it 41.
..... You know I had to do it coz that's my baby up there. <33

42!!!

I never even paid attention to that "like count" up there in the corner, but tysm guys!! again

Wow. I have no idea what you're talking about when you say 'bpm, 4/4 time, edm score or trance and house' but I DO know that both choruses are astonishing. So beautiful

EDM=Electronic Dance Music and Trance and House are subgenres, both are in 4/4 time, between about 120-140+ beats per minute,. This is a very rough sample of what i had in mind for this song