I'm new here and I want to see what you guys think this......

I'm new to the forums and want some input to a song I wrote.... I don't know what to name it either.... So if anything comes to mind please share

I imagine it like acoustic but modern rock/ pop punk ish at some parts

Verse 1
I left the street
Where I walked alone
I made my mistakes
Have nowhere to go
Iv come to an end
Iv stumbled and fell
Ever since then iv been going though hell

And I wish you could see
Every word we spoke still affects me
Every breath I breath
The feeling never leaves


Verse 2
Lost in my thoughts
Lost in my dreams
Iv waited for you
For so long now it seems
(still here I wait)
You left me behind
(still here I wait)
I'm gonna be fine
(Still here I wait)
You tore me to prices and killed me me inside
(I don't care in gonna be fine)


Chorus
All iv learned
in all of my life
Is nobody cares
All the lies they've shared
Just stomp me down
Into the ground
Crush my dreams
Silence my screams
Leave me here to die....
Cause all I ever wanted was to leave
But all I ever got was your grief

Verse 3
No one knows
How I feel inside
Everything's broken
Yet still I don't die

And Iv left
All feeling behind
I have stopped waiting
I no longer cry

And wish you could see
How this affected me.....

Chorus
All iv learned
in all of my life
Is nobody cares
All the lies they've shared
Just stomp me down
Into the ground
Crush my dreams
It's to late for me...
Leave me here to die....
Cause all I ever wanted was to leave
But all I ever got was your grief

Verse
I've become the victimized
The utter truth desensitized
I can't even recall the pain
The living dead tear me apart
Let every thing iv thought depart
And leave me here alone...

Chorus Copy
All iv learned
in all of my life
Is nobody cares
All the lies they've shared
Just stomp me down
Into the ground
Crush my dreams
Silence my screams
Leave me here to die....
Cause all I ever wanted was to leave
But all I ever got was your grief

Originally Posted by Noahaa

I don't know what to name it either.... So if anything comes to mind please share

Title suggestion: Nobody Cares

Originally Posted by Mixalopoulos

Title suggestion: Nobody Cares

Sounds pretty good... Thank you.
What do you think of the lyrics

I like"Into the Ground".The lyrics are good,a little "heavy",but good,all the same.With the right beat,I could feel this rock.It seems kinda bluesy,which is a good thing.Keep it up!On second look;Nobody Cares,seems better.It's your song,it's your call.

Originally Posted by Doug Denslowe

I like"Into the Ground".The lyrics are good,a little "heavy",but good,all the same.With the right beat,I could feel this rock.It seems kinda bluesy,which is a good thing.Keep it up!On second look;Nobody Cares,seems better.It's your song,it's your call.

Yeah, I like the name mixalopoulos suggested. I think I'll use it. Thanks for the positive feedback. What do you mean by heavy? Like sad heavy?

Dear Noahaa,

For me, it's heavy in the sense of becoming hopeless. At least that's how it sounds in the latter 2/3 of the song. In the beginning, there is hope . . . for example Verse 2:

Verse 2
Lost in my thoughts
Lost in my dreams
Iv waited for you
For so long now it seems
(still here I wait)
You left me behind
(still here I wait)
I'm gonna be fine
(Still here I wait)
You tore me to prices and killed me me inside
(I don't care i gonna be fine).


This is a "lift" in the mood of the lyrics, giving hope. You're basically saying, 'Look, I've been smashed down so many ways that I don't know which way is up, but I'm not giving up--as a matter of fact one day "I'll be fine"!'

However, after that the song shifts to:

"It's too late for me...
Leave me here to die....
. . .
Leave me here to die."

Within the span of the song itself, is a giving up and giving in to being used, misused, abused. My advice: Don't give up totally. Express everything as low as you feel. That's real. But when you have even a glimmer of hope--despite all the bad--people want to identify with that.

Either the song should be a song of gloom/doom (as you know, many genre of songs are!) . . . or a song about: Continuing pain ('No one cares'), you're flat on the pavement, but as long as there's a faint breath within you, you will get up, somehow, some way.

Noahaa, if your song were nonsense, worthless--believe me--I would not bother to make these comments! I comment because you indeed have something to say and you do it pretty well!! How you feel should determine what the song will be.

As it is, the 'hearer' is confused whether you're the fighter talking in Verse 2, . . . and s/he's asking himself/herself what thought/incident made you totally give up in the remainder of the song?

If you (that is 'you' in the song!) are ready to give up on life, Verse 2 would need to be changed to show that.
However, if you can't even lift your face up off the cement--but inside there's one breath left and one thought left that whispers, "I want to get back up"--then go with that! If that's the case, that fighting spirit despite adversity would need to be repeated again in the song and definitely toward the end. (Personally, I like the **I'm gonna be fine** part, even if it's sung by another voice in the background! The verse is more than "hopeful;" it is determined!)

You have to be true to yourself first. This is more important that all of our opinions. Really.

If my meaning is not clear, please let me know. Also, I hope you do not take what I've said as harsh or too strong. I do not wish to be. I really want to help--if I can be that "listening ear."

Frankie,
Thank you for the input I don't take what you said harshly at all... I think you made some good points... I think I'll try to write some "hope" into the end of it

I wrote this about 3 months ago so it might be hard to get back to the mood.... I'm thankful you want to help but what happened is over and passed.... I'm just going back through some of what I wrote during that time and I thought his one was one of the better ones....

I came back to read this again....after listening to some "We Are Wolves" yesterday, and this time right away i thought this should be a Punk song!

Frankie;two words:Best Critiques!!!!Keep on giving them,they're simply the best things going on this site(besides the song lyrics)