The Penitent

Thread: The Penitent

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  1. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

    Default The Penitent

    Even now when it rains you can feel the pain
    Still echoing through the age old rain
    Reminding the world of what could have been
    As they stand amongst the dying men

    Such a day left in vain
    What I have is left slain
    People can’t rebuild the past
    So why not make it last

    In the salted Earth of death
    You can still feel my breath
    Crawl across the ground
    Slithering as it casts no sound

    I can still feel the people walk overhead
    They cry and wimpier about a life long dead
    Why do they waste their time?
    When they could be drinking a fine wine

    I feel like I owe the Planet
    Some news that may cause panic
    Of the desolates of which I have seen
    Meandering through the darkest scene

    I have grown tired of the pain
    And now I must escape from the rain
    Up from this ground I shall come
    And bring news of a plan left unsung
     
  2. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Okay so this poem is the sequel to the pain after "The Penitent" comes "The Harbinger" which is in the works, and then the already written "The Desolates" then who knows after that. The same person is in all of these poems he/she is the carrier of pain who wants to spread the word that more pain is close to setting in. He/she knows pain far too well so it is his/hers personal responsibility to warn the world of the pain he/she felt.
     
  3. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Hey guys this is the 2nd poem in my series of poems The Pain, The Penitent, The Harbinger, The Inception, and The Desolates. Check them out in that order hope you like.
     
  4. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    A Star is Born!John,I hope you publish a book with all your writings in it.Sorry this puts your work out of order,but I'm sure you'll remedy that.Good work,Again!!!
     
  5. mexico62 said:

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    Hi Johnb31, I just finish reading this poem, the second of the series, I told you THE PAIN, was better to read the second time, and I like the way you write because it makes think, search in dictionary (spanish is my first language), and we know that this poems are a great intellectual work. I remembered I heard the word meander somewhere, that´s why I spend more time to aswer, now I know that this word I heard in "Across the Universe", is like move in zig zag, as a snake, I love this word is so poetic, and all the estructure of your poem. Edgar Allan Poe said that there is nothing as beautiful as a long poem, in this case he was right, I continue with the next "The Harbinger"
     
  6. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Thank you so much I'm so glad I'm able to share my work with others and give people a chance to read them. I never thought anyone would ever read my work and I'm so thankful that people can thanks to this website. Thanking for your amazing coment and for taking your time to read and even translate my work that's just amazing.
     
  7. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Johnb31: My observations so far from Pain and Penitant: When I first begin reading these two poems, I ask myself, "Is this really going to be a good poem? . . . Or will it merely enter into many rhymes with little meaning? Which way will it go?"

    Both times, I have NOT been disappointed! You took the poem somewhere, and you did it well. At this point I do not feel I am getting the full impact of Penitant with just one reading. So I guarantee that I will be reading it again!!

    There is a major difference I recently figured out between poetry and lyrics. Lyrics must grab somewhat at the start because people are "listening" to someone sing (in reality, at least; and on ATL if it's not interesting, I doubt people read on). Whereas a poem can start slowly or even vaguely, then build gradually. In lyrics the meaning or the story must be very clear or else very engaging. In poetry, again, one can let his/her own theme build at the pace s/he chooses. Why? Because poems are meant to be read over and over for deeper understanding. Whereas with lyrics, if the audience does not listen the first time, they will not be back to listen again. So with poetry, you have a captive audience (at least for those loving poetry!). If what I'm saying makes sense and is helpful to others, good, as it was a new insight for me.

    Good, again, John. Please keep up your work! Now I am onto the Harbinger. . . . You really make me want to glimpse inside your mind, you know that?!
    Last edited by Frankie Jasmine; 09-11-2012 at 09:23 PM.
     
  8. amaryn's Avatar

    amaryn said:

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    +++ Frankie! Fascinating debate WHAT are poems and WHAT are lyrics......

    right now I don't want to enter this debate as it is a minefield. I intend to disagree with you though

    @THANKS JOHNb31 for a poem that is indeed obviously part of a chain. Therefore my comments must come later.
    Especially the plan left unsung tickled my mind.......
     
  9. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Check out the silent echo series it's all of the poems together.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind
     
  10. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    Frankie;
    I rarely disagree with you on anything concerning Poetry or Lyrics.Your critiques are,without equal,your passion second to none.Dat being said,most people are hooked by a song by it's music;melody,harmony,guitar riffs,all the things that you can "hum"to yourself without knowing a word of a particular song.Being someone who writes lyrics first,then the melody,I wish it was the other way around.There are exceptions;Bob Dylan comes to mind.Most people consider Song Lyrics next to irrelevant,much to my dismay.When I've asked friends "to read"my lyrics,their response has been,"Who cares about the words!"Please tell me I'm wrong,Frankie,I hope I am!
    Just to be clear,I'm saying the Lyrics,per say,doesn't "bring them back"it's the melody,rhythm and strong musical content.The lyrics are almost last in people liking a song or coming back for more.
     
  11. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Part of that is true Doug but I think it depends on the type of song and the audience. Pop songs for instance have little to no lyrical content worth caring about and in those types of songs the beat and the rhythm is all that matters, and the listeners typically don't care about the lyrics, but lets face it most people that listen to pop usually don't know much about music as a whole and only listen because it sounds "cool". Now look at alternative rock ie linkin park, shinedown, switchfoot, etc all have a deeper meaning behind their lyrics and people like these bands because of their meaningful lyrics rather than just because of he sound. I think there is different shades of people out there, some poeple look at music as an art like us, some people sort of care about music but don't see it as an art and others can't comprehend the true beauty of music. Unfortunately music is becoming a dying art you no longer need talent to write or record music you just have to have a computer and that's sad.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind
     
  12. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    John,
    I agree with everything you said.I think that people first fall in love with the "Sound"of the song,then if that turns them on,they'll learn the words.Half the time people sing along to songs with the wrong lyrics.How many times have you found out,sometimes years later,that you've been singing the wrong words to your favorite song!I wish the Lyrics got more credit,I just feel people look at "the words"as an afterthought!
     
  13. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Yeah your absolutely right Doug often times people miss the most important words in a song, the words that define it. I think the music is meant to bring you back to the song that way you eventually discover the lyrics to their entirety. I think its a good way to get people interested in music and get them to continue to listen to that song. I don't think were meant to really hear every lyric to begin with I think we only hear the rhythm and beat because that just comes natural to us. I think you really have to listen and think in order to hear and understand the lyrics. I then come to the conclusion that music is for thinking people not those that are mindless, and there is a whole lot more mindless people nowadays who will never fully understand lyrics of their favorite songs then those who do. So unfortunately I think the realization of what music and its lyrics truly are is lost except for in a few people in the world but once we are gone lyrics will have become irrelevant. I mean Europe which is considered to be ahead of us socially has already had music no lyrics at all just beats and stuff.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind
     
  14. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    Let me just say this in closing;one of my favorite songs of all time is "Solitary Man"by Neil Diamond.I love his voice and his delivery.All my life I had thought one of the lines was "paper rain."Just this week I learned he was singing "paper ring!"Does that make me love it any less?Of course not!Just goes to show what I was speaking of in my above remark.
     
  15. Tomatomic said:

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    this is awesome dude. great technique; you nailed the imagery, rhyme scheme, the phonology in this is extremely versatile, which from my perspective gives it a level of simplistic complexity (if that makes any sense) that is definitely pleasing to read. poetry is the perfect method of expression and you do it really well. congratulations and keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  16. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Hey don't forget to check out the rest of the silent echo series which is all of the poems including this one.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind