These are NOT lyrics and I KNOW they are out of place. I just want people to see this

This is a piece I wrote over the course of the previous week and I would just like to see peoples reactions and advice for how to put it into song. Do I completely scrap it? Or break it up? Or maybe it's a rough outline for a 'suite'.. I have no idea. Long and short of it; help is needed.
Here goes..


Let me tell you about a road. Stretching far out into nowhere, this road is barren and seeded with rocks. Wedged into the soggy dirt, decaying stumps cascade out into the middle of the road and reach for the ankles of passersbys. Too narrow for anything but the feet of men and women, it stretches long, out into the woods. It is stitched between pines and maples. Mixed amongst them are the strong oaks, and occasionally a birch tree will spark mystique in anyone’s journey down this road.
Now imagine that you are indeed walking along this very trail, wandering further and further into nowhere. Worn into the middle of the path are footprints. They dot the road and indicate unmistakable signs of travel. Along the edges of the road lie rusted soda cans, complemented by occasional plastic wrappers or piles of pocket change. Once in a while you come across an old pair of tennis shoes, or a rag, with no evidence of how they got there besides the lonely footprints down the center of the trail.
Snaking through fields where the grass towers all of five feet above the ground, the road seemingly runs forever as it opens up into the mountainous background. Peace for a moment seems inevitable. Though soon, lightning claps above and the rain is not slow to follow. Regret soaks the air, and for the first time, this road seems as though it can only get worse. Debated are thoughts of turning back. Again, your eyes turn to the side of the road, where there lies a pile of bones. They resemble human bones, and you shudder with fear as the hairs on the back of your neck rise.
Look; up ahead lies an opening, but the earth is scorched, and where there once grew trees and bushes, heaps of black now reside. It is at this moment you notice the even greater opening past this one, filled with black ash and stumps symbolizing the headstone for every fallen tree. The heaps of black stretch as far as the eye can see; now your journey down this road seems more like a lost cause, turning back seems to be your only option.
Somewhere back where you came from, there must be a road that opens into the sea, or stumbles into the skirts of mountains. Though, all you do is stand there, sizing up the landscape and looking past what looks like a battleground. You find peace for a moment as the mountain cap rises above the scorched land off in the distance. A second thought arouses perhaps a greater decision. Maybe this road eventually opens up out of the ash, and heads for greater things. You don’t know where it goes, but something in the pit of your stomach tells you that it leads towards a better place. As you listen, you start to hear a tune, a tune which only the stronger man hears on his way down this path, though some follow it to different directions. But you, you are following it into the teeth of the mountains, on to bigger things.
In this world, there are many things that can bring you down, some are simply more powerful than most. No matter how strong you think yourself to be, there are circumstances where you are deemed too “loose” yourself. When one lets this happen and throws all hope into the wind, trouble and therefore consequences are almost uncanny. Though most people don’t know that the adversity in which I’m talking about strengthens the person who is already strong enough to make it through. In the end, your demon becomes your savior, and only the people that have experienced the journey down this trail know this. It is a trechorous privelage.

Heavy. Very heavy. I like heavy. To me, this has to be a poem--an epic poem. The visuals and feelings are so full that I don't think a song can hold it.

However, there are some heavy-hitters in the ATL lyrics world and the real lyrics world. I think of The Who, "Tommy." Alan Parsons Project, any one project just about - "Turn of a Friendly Card," "Tales of Mystery & Imagination." Pink Floyd, "The Wall." So to answer your question, if done as music it would almost need to be done as a suite. It is too rich and deep for one song.

On ATL, I refer you to the following very deep, dark lyrics executed very well:

By Tomatomic, "The Ballad of (holy) Mary (mother of) Gein"

For this reason: This is a deep, dark theme, well-woven, well-written, graphic, full of meaning. However, it is more of a picture of a story and yours is actually a journey. Maybe this poetry/lyrics by Tomatomic will inspire you for your own expressions, which are just as deep and meaningful.

I say: Go for it! If you're not ready for a suite, do an epic-type poem as the structure for a future suite.

Well this is just freakin' awesome Nicholas. I don't know if you've ever even had a thought to listen to one of the early 70s Moody Blues albums, but they often made a whole album a theme, a story, an epic journey. Maybe that's the best way to go with this. It's too good not to do something with it....

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

Heavy. Very heavy. I like heavy. To me, this has to be a poem--an epic poem. The visuals and feelings are so full that I don't think a song can hold it.

However, there are some heavy-hitters in the ATL lyrics world and the real lyrics world. I think of The Who, "Tommy." Alan Parsons Project, any one project just about - "Turn of a Friendly Card," "Tales of Mystery & Imagination." Pink Floyd, "The Wall." So to answer your question, if done as music it would almost need to be done as a suite. It is too rich and deep for one song.
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Yes in the back of my mind I was thinking it almost had to be a suite (I would make it a poem but truthfully I don't know where to start), I was almost trying to ignore the suite idea though knowing that it would be soooo hard and such a long and grueling project. But i guess Diamonds are made from pressure right? Thank you so much for the reference and I WILL do my homework. And as always thanks for the kind words

Originally Posted by MoonRide*r*

Well this is just freakin' awesome Nicholas. I don't know if you've ever even had a thought to listen to one of the early 70s Moody Blues albums, but they often made a whole album a theme, a story, an epic journey. Maybe that's the best way to go with this. It's too good not to do something with it....

If that's the name of a group Moon than surprisingly I have not listened to them yet, I'm passionate about music history so I'm going to have to catch up on them. I think I'm going to create a suite and like you two said, use this piece as a reference or something to myself. Something I can break up and delve into different sections for different pieces.
I know I sound like a broken record but thank you very much moon for the feedback. I've been on other sites and have never gotten the same responses and reactions that I get here. I appreciate it more than I can write in words guys, really.
Take care

BTW, if I forgot to say it, the journey you describe at the outset is very interesting and good. And a little scary, but with some hope too. All important elements that came from your creative mind. I agree w/Moon--too good to just set aside and do nothing with.

I'm gonna have to come back to this, missed a lot last night and trying to catch up but yea props!! From a glance i think that this could be really great as a suite... i'll be back later on today or tonight, gotta finish reading it as well as say more i'm sure...

Ok, take your time! I'm just appreciative you guys are willing to help

Idea:

Late at night, at work, aaaall alone (groan) with nothing better to do, so I got to thinking. What are some of the most lyrics-packed songs that I could bring to mind? Right away I thought about Eminem and Rihanna, Love the Way You Lie. So this is what the lyrics of that song look like, all packed up together, in comparison to what you've written here:
_______

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn. Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry. Well, that's alright because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie.
I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight. High off of love, drunk from my hate It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love it, the more I suffer I suffocate and right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me She ****in' hates me, and I love it. Wait, where you going? I'm leaving you, no, you ain't Come back, we're running right back, here we go again It's so insane, 'cause when it's going good, it's going great I'm Superman with the wind at his back. She's Lois Lane but when it's bad, it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snap, "Who's that dude?", I don't even know his name I laid hands on her, I never stoop so low again I guess I don't know my own strength.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry Well, that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie.
You ever love somebody so much, you could barely breathe when you with 'em? You meet, and neither one of you even know it hit 'em Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah, them chills, used to get 'em Now you're gettin' ****in' sick of lookin' at 'em. You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em Now you're in each others face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'em You push, pull each others hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're in 'em. It's the race that took over, it controls you both So they say you'd best to go your separate ways, guess that they don't know ya 'Cause today, that was yesterday, yesterday is over, it's a different day Sound like broken records playing over. But you promised her, next time you'd show restraint You don't get another chance, life is no Nintendo game But you lied again, now you get to watch her leave out the window Guess that's why they call it "window pane".
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry Well that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie.
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me But when it comes to love, you're just as blinded. Baby, please come back, it wasn't you, baby, it was me Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano All I know is I love you too much to walk away though. Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk? Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall. Next time? There won't be no next time I apologize, even though I know it's lies I'm tired of the games, I just want her back, I know I'm a liar If she ever tries to ****in' leave again, I'ma tie her to the bed And set this house on fire.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry Well that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie.
___________

That's about a 4-1/2 minute song, and I know it's intense, but I could name plenty of songs (at least in my favorite genre) that run 6 minutes or longer.

Just food for thought.... it may not be as impossible as it first appears.

Very very useful idea ^ I appreciate you searching for and posting these lyrics, very much. I had been asked to do a piece on a VERY important subject so I had pushed this to the side for the moment because I need to commit SO much time into very deep research, but when I'm finished I will get back to it, and I will again be highly active in responses and feedback to peoples pieces. So I am not ignoring you guys or have been fed up lol I'm just extremely commited to this. Take care moon and the rest of whom will see this.

Great piece Smooth'.
Just my opinion, but I reckon it could work brilliantly as a dryly delivered spoken word track performed over textural ambience or subtle atmospherics, processed field recordings etc. I'd imagine the whole thing performed as a single deep and dense spoken word verse, with a slight delay before the final sentence.. "It is a trechorous privelage." ..and then an intense beat coming in immediately afterwards with more conventionally structured rapping performed on it.

also, kindof reminds me of some of the beat poets like burroughs and ginsberg.
I'd recommend checking out '50 gallon drum' and 'supper at sundown' tracks by Buck65, a canadian rapper heavily inspired by tom waits and the beat poets.

I was listening to some Tech n9ne yesterday and there are a few of his songs that are even more lyrics extensive, and so now i feel even more strongly that this is more than possible!