I understand it is determined what the actual beat would be for me to rhyme to.

Some writers from my city say I'm the wild south-style type who is all over the place on the beat, not really controlled.

I'm from Tennessee, in Memphis.

I'll just put up a short hit to show what I mean:

Laid so back
I'm cut
I don't need a patch
cause I got cold-blood
it doesn't run when I bleed
cross me
better believe it's in your dreams
even while you sleep
I'd double-cross back
like hop-skotch
but it ain't fun
no
evisceration to every organ
jugulars pour blood
like black-red pancake mix
and your body's battered up
so it doesn't matter
if there were cops
cause you're beat so bad
they never had to stop
to give discrimination
hate me?
obliterate yourself for your own sake
if I decimate it's only a tenth of what I could have really done
so it's better off to run
into the street
than try and act fake

Your rough; you remind me of early triple 6 mafia but your not really smooth with it. When project pat raps about murder it comes out easily; it seems a little forced in my opinion. It's like Ludacris bravdo, eminem violence without the ease and polish. Personally I think the best bet is to temper violent/aggresive lines with story like or more imaginative pieces. Try to be less "Dead wrong" Biggie Smalls and more "Can-i-*****" Eminem.

TJ20dimes: I am not a rapper; I prefer poetry, so I may have no place here. I am defo not into violent bloody paybacks, not even intial violent, bloody first-times.

But as for your song. I too consider it "wild Southern" and have a similar way of writing when it is a "train-of-thought" piece (I'm from Kentucky). I understand and can "hear" your lyrics exactly; perhaps it's the Southern thing goin' on there. It can be effective in open or free-style poetry, even read aloud, poetry (similar to rap) without music. I like the style because it is spontaneous and unexpected. So your style of writing is right up my alley. I even have that tendency to throw in the one-word/phrase thing at the end after a long dissertation, as you did. That is, "cross me," "No!" "Hate me."

However, rap/hip-hop is different, and I cannot speak for that art, because I have no experience in writing it. Best to listen to the pros here.

Mine is free-style poetry with some inner-rhyme with a sort-of rap sound, meant to be what I call "performance poetry."

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P.S. Just to be clear, I get the beat! To me it's ON. But you gotta consider the art form I use is different than rap.