the choice

the result of a 20 min car drive today (rough draft, i would normally write one or two more drafts ) thought it would be interesting to get some input on the first draft instead of a latter one.

hollow words on hollow pages
empty cries of empty changes
there's no hope, there's no love
you say as if you're not beloved
let me share with you this message my love

there's a road we all must travel
a choice we all must make
and in the end time will unravel
the lives that we forsake

lonely days on lonely nights
fading dreams in fading lights
you're my hope, my beloved
know that your well loved
and when you need me just look above

there's a road we all must travel
a choice we all must make
and in the end time will unravel
the lives that we forsake

(music and singing slows)

there's a road we all must travel
a choice we all must make
and in the end time will unravel
the lives that we forsake

(music)

*whispers* so choose me.

Hey only one thing to fix from what I see "you say as if your not beloved" your would be you're as in you are any part in the song like that needs to be changed. Other than that this is really good I love the chorus It flows so well and it's just perfect and really reflects on the rest of the song.

i was looking over this song again, and noticed the second verse seemed a little choppy or off to me, any tips?