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Thread: Bedroom Eyes

  1. #21
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Since I try to comment on as many songs as possible...........reposting this to get some new eyes on it.........

  2. #22
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    Good stuff Doug, I like it a lot. Very catchy with a lot of good lines.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Thanks........I appreciate it.

  4. #24
    Senior Member BackInBlack's Avatar
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    Classic! A grand example of songwriting at it's finest. Sure I haven't heard it on the radio?

  5. #25
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BackInBlack View Post
    Classic! A grand example of songwriting at it's finest. Sure I haven't heard it on the radio?
    Maybe if I get lucky,someone will come and steal it.......that's the only way it'll be on the radio!

  6. #26
    Senior Member BackInBlack's Avatar
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    I hear ya. Same here. I've never sold one song in my life. Yet I still keep doing it...

  7. #27
    Member jessie zuppo's Avatar
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    Doug,
    I love re-reading your pieces. You have the gift of engaging the reader WITH ALL THE SENSES...visual- "Dishwater Blonde"....smell "30's perfume"...Touch "it's now or never, time to make my move." Sound.."It's now or never she whispered"...the more I dissect this piece, the more I just love it.....It has a burlesque feel to it. I see an ivory woman with flowing blonde hair...fishnet stockings...and sensuality that jumps off the page...BRAVO!!
    s

  8. #28
    Member jessie zuppo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BackInBlack View Post
    Classic! A grand example of songwriting at it's finest. Sure I haven't heard it on the radio?
    I agree that it's classic, but I feel a more modern poem, than a song from this piece. Perhaps if there was a repeating stanza...Doug, I know you imagine your lyrics in a more 60's ish music scene, but some of your pieces could be in punk rock songs, emo music, some folk, even gospel (modern) and R&B

  9. #29
    Member jessie zuppo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by coolhand92 View Post
    Good stuff Doug, I like it a lot. Very catchy with a lot of good lines.
    I agree!! These lines are mind-blowing!! The whispering with the bedroom eyes is stuck in my head!! And the visual of a burlesque, curvy woman with wind in her dirty blonde hair, fishnet stockings, a satin see-through cream colored blouse, with only 2 buttons actually buttoned and a long skirt, with a slit all the way up..and the 30s and 40s inspired 5 inch pumps. She has one leg casually on a chair, and one long finger with long red nails, doing the "come here" point. I also imagine a very smokey eye, green, that speak volumes .....I got this all from your piece Doug. You've really mastered including the reader in the visual aspect of the piece. I really REALLY like this one. It could definitely be published in an anthology of modern poems or as a song.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to jessie zuppo For This Useful Post:
    Doug Denslowe (03-12-2014)

  11. #30
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    If you are familiar with Vargas,the illustrator in Playboy magazine,the guy that drew the curvy "old fashioned dames" if you get my drift,that's the vibe I was going for.I think you,Jessie,picked up on that perfectly......

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