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  1. #1
    Senior Member Teshka's Avatar
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    i wrote this over a lunch hour, hope it isnt too fractured in itself. sharing for anyone that knows all that it means.


    The labyrinths of the mind
    are treacherous avenues
    a step in one direction
    will be rendered into two
    and the pretty lights ahead
    on the path that i prefer
    obscure the wreckage waiting
    just around that other curve
    Lights and colored sounds
    paint illusions on the way
    as the silent-running demon
    pulls me harder in its sway
    The cliff is deep and vertical
    that earthquake fractured ground
    where the black hole at the bottom
    unrelenting pulls me down
    screaming in the fall
    there is nothing left to hold
    and the bright lights of the mind
    crash head first into the soul
    Last edited by Teshka; 10-06-2012 at 06:39 PM. Reason: added 2 lines that i left out at first, to make it an even 20, 5 sets of 4 lines
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~

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    mexico62 (10-05-2012)

  3. #2
    Senior Member Teshka's Avatar
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    i left out a line at the end and now i dont remember what it was so i'll have to work on it again a little later.
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~

  4. #3
    Rock Mod MoonRide*r*'s Avatar
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    It reads too good as is babe.
    There is no glamour in sudden death, and nobody ever wins a war.
    :
    Rockers Unite! =>
    ROCK 'n' Roll Halls of Fame

  5. #4
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    An excellent expression of the workings of a conflicted mind; the struggle to keep things straight, with all the spooky nooks and corners within our own selves.
    A very good poem, Tess.

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    Teshka (10-04-2012)

  7. #5
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Wow!!!!

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    Teshka (10-04-2012)

  9. #6
    Rock Mod MoonRide*r*'s Avatar
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    Just wanna say thanks on Tess's behalf, coz she may not be on for 2-3 days. She sends her best
    There is no glamour in sudden death, and nobody ever wins a war.
    :
    Rockers Unite! =>
    ROCK 'n' Roll Halls of Fame

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    Teshka (10-04-2012)

  11. #7
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    I miss her already!

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    Teshka (10-04-2012)

  13. #8
    Senior Member amaryn's Avatar
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    A poem of which "the end" stays open is IMO even a good idea sometimes;
    It makes the brain of readers work.
    Feel free to knit on, though, Tess, by all means!

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    Teshka (10-04-2012)

  15. #9
    Senior Member Teshka's Avatar
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    Thank you so much guys! I only have a few minutes & i'm on cell which takes me 2x as long. Frankie it's never complete without your seal of approval but ofc i appreciate every vote of confidence, thank you guys again, you made my evening

    Moon, znaesh' moya dushen'ka navsegda <33
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~

  16. #10
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    Hi Teshka, I like a lot your poem, I think that writing about labyrinths or dreams makes the lines sound so unreal, as Frankie J, said the story is in your mind, so it makes the work fuzzy (or something like that), hope you understand what I want to express. Thank you

  17. #11
    Senior Member Teshka's Avatar
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    Hi mexico and thank you, and yes i think everything that you said is true but i also have to say that sometimes the labyrinths can become very real, very much too real, and then everything becomes so fuzzy and muddled that it just cant be expressed, no matter how hard we may try...so this is not finished and it will never be finished.

    I just added the 2 lines that i left out at first, bcs it was supposed to be 5 verses of 4 lines each.
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~

  18. #12
    Senior Member Johnb31's Avatar
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    Nice job I love the "illusions" you painted in my mind favorite lines: "The labyrinths of the mind are treacherous avenues a step in one direction will be rendered into two" and "Lights and colored sounds paint illusions on the way". This poem caused me to go on a journey through my mind like the one you depict in your poem. I like this a lot!
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind

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    Teshka (10-06-2012)

  20. #13
    Senior Member Teshka's Avatar
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    Thank you!!
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~

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