rendered

i wrote this over a lunch hour, hope it isnt too fractured in itself. sharing for anyone that knows all that it means.


The labyrinths of the mind
are treacherous avenues
a step in one direction
will be rendered into two
and the pretty lights ahead
on the path that i prefer
obscure the wreckage waiting
just around that other curve
Lights and colored sounds
paint illusions on the way
as the silent-running demon
pulls me harder in its sway
The cliff is deep and vertical
that earthquake fractured ground
where the black hole at the bottom
unrelenting pulls me down
screaming in the fall
there is nothing left to hold
and the bright lights of the mind
crash head first into the soul

i left out a line at the end and now i dont remember what it was so i'll have to work on it again a little later.

It reads too good as is babe.

An excellent expression of the workings of a conflicted mind; the struggle to keep things straight, with all the spooky nooks and corners within our own selves.
A very good poem, Tess.

Wow!!!!

Just wanna say thanks on Tess's behalf, coz she may not be on for 2-3 days. She sends her best

I miss her already!

A poem of which "the end" stays open is IMO even a good idea sometimes;
It makes the brain of readers work.
Feel free to knit on, though, Tess, by all means!

Thank you so much guys! I only have a few minutes & i'm on cell which takes me 2x as long. Frankie it's never complete without your seal of approval but ofc i appreciate every vote of confidence, thank you guys again, you made my evening

Moon, znaesh' moya dushen'ka navsegda <33

Hi Teshka, I like a lot your poem, I think that writing about labyrinths or dreams makes the lines sound so unreal, as Frankie J, said the story is in your mind, so it makes the work fuzzy (or something like that), hope you understand what I want to express. Thank you

Hi mexico and thank you, and yes i think everything that you said is true but i also have to say that sometimes the labyrinths can become very real, very much too real, and then everything becomes so fuzzy and muddled that it just cant be expressed, no matter how hard we may try...so this is not finished and it will never be finished.

I just added the 2 lines that i left out at first, bcs it was supposed to be 5 verses of 4 lines each.

Nice job I love the "illusions" you painted in my mind favorite lines: "The labyrinths of the mind are treacherous avenues a step in one direction will be rendered into two" and "Lights and colored sounds paint illusions on the way". This poem caused me to go on a journey through my mind like the one you depict in your poem. I like this a lot!

Thank you!!