Dreamers

My first official "rap" song. I've always liked writing and was always decent at poetry. Putting in a lot of time now with my friends making some good beats to put my lyrics too. Like one of my favorite lyricists Macklemore says, "the greats arent great because at birth they could paint, the greats are great because they paint alot". I started writing a week ago and as of now I have about 50 rough verses and 3-4 songs completed. Looking to go back through and make changes though.

Read and respond with any criticism, positive or negative. I'm chasing a dream here so please help inspire me. Thanks!


Nothing on my mind
But I'm dreaming of alot though
Hard to understand but I live by just one motto
Life is always good but its better at the top yo

(CHORUS)
We just tryin to live the dream
Make a couple million while we chilling by the beach
Get money,count stacks and roll up the green
Young rich and high man we living like kings
(CHORUS)

My father always said hard work would make it worth it
But those who work the hardest,
dont always go the furthest
nothing is given
I always gotta earn it
Cause in the land of dreams
you are just a tourist


***So I ripped my old rhythms
feeling frusturated
I couldnt take it
So i push on everyday
feeling like i'll never make it

We just tryin to live the dream
Make a couple million while we chilling by the beach
Get money,count stacks and roll up the green
Young rich and high man we living like kings (like kings)

And girl that makes you a queen
Take you to the store
I will buy you everything
We can make it happen
when we working at our peak
Now lay back ya head girl and try to fall asleep
wake up,wake up you're living in a dream

We just trying to live the dream
make a couple million while we chilling by the beach
Get money,count stacks and roll up the green
Young rich and high man we living like kings

**** what the world says
Cause we coming with a mission
Take em by surprise
and then blind em with ambition

Kids open up your eyes
and turn up your speakers
i will be your dream preacher
open your minds i am your teacher
there is nothing for you to fear
We just wanted you to hear
that this is not a secret
and when your older you will never regret

When you start to dream
like weezy theres no ceilings

And its all about the feeling
of the world outside your vision
haters like to doubt, but don't see what they missing
Let em hate,for they are undeserving
And that was a verse but I call it a serving

(acapella)So consider it a service
that i let you know for certain
without your dreams your life is without purpose.

You're starting out how I started out, I can tell you have some talent with words. Though main transition to be made between writing and lyricism, especially 'rap', is the syllable counts. Sticking to a distinct syllable count from bar to bar is very aesthetically pleasing to the reader, and when put into vocals is quite nice sounding. Even switching up syllable counts in a drop (which I tend to do a lot) can be done as long as you stick as close as possible to the sylobal count per specific bar; per specific line.

Here's something that _sbu posted awhile back about flow and whatnot that is extremely helpful, I suggest taking a read.

~here's a few very basic tips on flow, incase it's useful to anyone.

usually an even number of lines will flow better than an odd number, with 16 lines being a common length for a verse. 32 lines is quite common too. it can be good to experiment and ignore those things though.

write a rhyming couplet, a pair of lines where the final few syllables of line1 rhyme with the final few syllables of line2.
rhyme with those syllables again in the first half of line3, then switch up to different syllables at the end of the line.
then simply rhyme with those new ending syllables from line3 again at the end of line4.

that technique gives a simple and smooth transition of rhymescheme between bars.
the rhymescheme from the first couplet carries on into the start of the new couplet which comes after it.
even when used occasionally throughout a piece this technique can stop it from sounding like a set of seperate stilted couplets by blending them together and helping flow.

consider adding in another simple variation at some point and that can make for a decent flow overall. for example, at the end of the verse just carry rhyming syllables over the end of four lines instead of two (quadruplet instead of couplet).

and maybe in the very last line of that verse, rhyme off the ending syllables again during the first half of the line.

~A few more tips and musings regarding flow.

Consider how many syllables in a row you're going to rhyme with.
For instance.. you could use a 5-syllable word at the end of a line, and then at the end of the next line rhyme it with a 2 syllable word + 3 syllable word.

Commercial popular rap and old school hiphop tend not to use extended polysyllabic rhymes. so if you aren't familiar with more technical hiphop lyricism I suggest listening to some as an educational experience. The track Multiplicity by the British crew Rhyme Asylum is a fine example of how a polysyllabic rhyme scheme can be carried over many bars without seeming 'forced'.
Check how many rhyme-repetitions they use and how long the rhymed syllable-chains are.

Consider whether you want a rhyme scheme with lots of switching up between new rhyming-syllable chains or whether you want to keep rhyming from the same syllable chain over lots of bars.. or both at different points in the track.

Consider where abouts in the track you want to use different flow chacteristics and why.
ie. how flow and content interact as a whole.

Remember that flow is not just about syllable count.. syllable duration and placement of emphasised syllables are very important factors, along with others.
That might seem a bit daunting but don't worry about that, just recite the rhymes out loud as you're writing and check that the rhyme sounds good.
From there you can go on to investigate 'why' some lines sound better than others later if you want to, but it's not strictly necessary.
(assonance. also consonance. aliteration. syllable placement: count/duration/emphasis).

The range of elements which make up flow is so large that it's possible to rap with an intricate, elegant flow without using many rhymes. Ex Anticon artist 'Sole' with his old track 'Bottle of Humans' is an ideal example of that.

Thanks man. That should help me out a lot, I did start to take notice of syllable arrangement while rapping this over the Good Morning instrumental. I'll keep all of these in mind as i write.