MUSE - THE MIND INSIDE (Lyrics) Criticism

The people slaving to this world bowing down to restrictions.
The little ones in the third worlds fighting with ammunition's.
I know I don't have it as cruel as them OK,
But I still feel the urge to express these stress filled days.

With society as my witness, the earth on my shoulders,
Were abruptly taking over the atmosphere couldn't hold us.
To step to this pure literal bliss my soul will be,
Crimping gripping aint nothing slipping in my line of sight.

I will keep brawling til this bullshit resides,
Or fall unswerving with the strife seared in my sights.
Cause when my moons and my stars collapse,
Is when ill be knocking on heavens door and that's a fact.

And until then i promise to be a hefty load stronger,
But i don't know if i can take digging this path any longer.
Until that day I, Pray I make it to say I,
Lived life my way with all these wires unfrayed.

Now im flying im flying come catch up with me now,
Ill lead you through the maze above the clouds make you soul proud.
We'll rid of this viciousness and with be peace be christening
A new world order where humbled bodies be living in.

I know these may be gathered thoughts of a mad mind,
But its clear i have faith in success of this pass time,
We refer to as life you cant break my concentration,
Cause im staring right into the beast of inspiration.

Im on the top of the world you cant stop me cause
Records on standing ovation this is my plot because
I can make it if i use participation i can
prove myself worthy of my expectations and i

I wont stop until ive reached the constellations and i
I wont drop because im stronger than a nation your facing
I'm overtaking spacious places in paces

Now I'm the rapping duke beats on my chest the hard to hard
Never thought my influences would take me this far
Biggie was in the limelight but its my turn to shine tight
Compose illuminating flows with styles that equip bright lights

I know im so young but i can prove that im ready
Just gotta keep running with the flows, just keep on rocking steady
My minds hoping fences i can feel it in my senses
That some day this kids will grown up making some sense and

In my past life felt like i was a human being
Now im starting to see the supernatural me
Stress is lifting of my back good is coming over me
Its all so clear now its all so plain to see

For what its worth the silver lining on the other side seems fine
Looks im gonna have to keep shoving until the shining is mine
Im gonna display my pride and strongly stand alongside
There's no swallowing that substance it hurts the mind inside.

I liked the way the first two lines were played out and their flow, but I don't like how you made gave ammunition an (s) to further the end rhyme when ammunition is already plural. I felt like it was well-written it could just use some work on areas of flow and rhyme, but that goes for any artist, no one is perfect. Good stuff man, I like the lyricism and it's meaning along with the way you came about it. Keep it up and stay writing man!

Originally Posted by Logix

I liked the way the first two lines were played out and their flow, but I don't like how you made gave ammunition an (s) to further the end rhyme when ammunition is already plural. I felt like it was well-written it could just use some work on areas of flow and rhyme, but that goes for any artist, no one is perfect. Good stuff man, I like the lyricism and it's meaning along with the way you came about it. Keep it up and stay writing man!

Thanks alot, i will put what you said into consideration with my next piece