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Thread: Real Problems

  1. #1
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Cool Real Problems

    Hunt and Kill
    Until there's animals,no more
    Wasted lives and billions
    On pointless war
    Middle class is over
    You're either rich or poor
    Carry a weapon
    When you go to the store

    Real Problems
    Hide your head in a hole
    If asked your opinion
    Say you don't know

    When scientists warn
    It's easy;just deny it
    Age old myths
    Don't think;just buy it
    And if it feels good
    Don't even try it
    When you eat chicken
    It's best not to fry it

    Real Problems
    Hide your head in a hole
    If asked your opinion
    Say you don't know

    Can't be too rich or too thin
    So they say
    If you want to get married
    Better not be gay
    Keep raping the forests
    Until it's gone away
    Why think about tomorrow
    Just live for today

    Tornadoes and hurricanes
    Global Warming;that's insane
    Overpopulation
    Just a silly claim
    No Ozone layer
    Too much rain
    Too late to turn back
    Such a shame

    Real Problems
    Hide your head in a hole
    If asked your opinion
    Say you don't know
    When it's time to Vote
    You're too busy to go

    10/28/12
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 07-04-2013 at 03:43 PM.

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    mexico62 (11-09-2012)

  3. #2
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Doug, this song is super and very different from your usual ones (which you know I like too). I really like "Real Problems."
    But what's really weird . . . and I have NO IDEA WHY . . . It DOES have a similar vibe to my poem, "CONSCIENCE." I promise ... I didn't read your song first! (This is really weird.)

    Anyway, back on topic. Great Refrain. I don't know how to say this ... Wait a minute! I've got it - Your song is very contemporary! And I enjoy the "beat."

    P.S. ...And the meaning and how you've constructed it blows me away...!
    Last edited by Frankie Jasmine; 11-05-2012 at 10:51 AM.

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    Doug Denslowe (11-05-2012),Zakynthos (11-10-2013)

  5. #3
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Thanks Frankie,I'm glad this got one response!
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 11-08-2012 at 03:56 AM.

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    HEY HO LETS GO!!!! i loved this man, a great piece. i think frankie hit the nail on the head with contemporary, so the first word i can offer is progressive and i am partial to allot of progressive. good poetry and imagery, i especially like the chicken line... although the one point i will make is the flooding, tornadoes and hurricanes line, i just think it's a little wordy and sort of throws the beat off i think. apart from that a fine piece of progressive contemporary work!!! great stuff dude!!!!

  8. #5
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doug Denslowe View Post
    Thanks Frankie,I'm glad this got one response!
    Doug, I think you can expect a lot of response on this one! If not, I'm gonna campaign for people to come read it!


    Quote Originally Posted by Tomatomic View Post
    HEY HO LETS GO!!!! i loved this man, a great piece. i think frankie hit the nail on the head with contemporary, so the first word i can offer is progressive and i am partial to allot of progressive. good poetry and imagery, i especially like the chicken line... although the one point i will make is the flooding, tornadoes and hurricanes line, i just think it's a little wordy and sort of throws the beat off i think. apart from that a fine piece of progressive contemporary work!!! great stuff dude!!!!

    Tomatomic, your input is highly valued around here; I'm glad you commented--I enjoyed reading your opinion! I must admit that I like your word better--progressive! When I wrote "contemporary" it fell just short of what I felt. Now you've given me the right word! Thanks. . . . I do disagree to an extent on the "weather" line. By that I mean that if it were broken down, each one on a separate line, it would read better with the same words. The other option would be to go to a less defined description like "messed-up weather" or "screwy weather." What would you suggest instead of the specific "floods, tornadoes, hurricanes"--did you have something in mind that could be shorter but just as powerful?

  9. #6
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tomatomic View Post
    HEY HO LETS GO!!!! i loved this man, a great piece. i think frankie hit the nail on the head with contemporary, so the first word i can offer is progressive and i am partial to allot of progressive. good poetry and imagery, i especially like the chicken line... although the one point i will make is the flooding, tornadoes and hurricanes line, i just think it's a little wordy and sort of throws the beat off i think. apart from that a fine piece of progressive contemporary work!!! great stuff dude!!!!
    Atomic One,
    Once again......busted!(Frankie J. Busted me once before,on a song called "Life")Let me tell you what I mean by this;I ran out of ideas on Life and just threw some lines together to finish a real good,personal song.I just put in lines that really didn't go with the first half of the Song Lyric.On Real Problems I had written it,to completion.Ah, then Hurricane Sandy raised her ugly head.I felt
    compelled to add it in.It may not fit,I wrote it as an afterthought!Tomatomic,you saw through this
    and I congratulate you for pointing it out!I respect someone that can give constructive criticism and
    you hit the nail on the head.I did try to include something that was happening as I wrote it,but it really didn't fit!Thanks for having the insight to call me on it.And Thank You Frankie,for being the pal you always are!
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 07-24-2013 at 06:33 PM.

  10. #7
    Senior Member Johnb31's Avatar
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    Doug this song is freaking amazing and it's topic is something I've been trying to write since this election started. Seems as if we are more focused on the little things instead of focusing on the real issues and it seems as if we are blinded by these little things causing us to not see or completely ignore the real problems. Great song this one hit right at home with me brilliant execution of your words, I was really moved by this one.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind

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  12. #8
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnb31 View Post
    Doug this song is freaking amazing and it's topic is something I've been trying to write since this election started. Seems as if we are more focused on the little things instead of focusing on the real issues and it seems as if we are blinded by these little things causing us to not see or completely ignore the real problems. Great song this one hit right at home with me brilliant execution of your words, I was really moved by this one.
    Thanks John.I'm glad some of the folks at ATL did get what I was trying to say.when it's time to Vote,You're too busy to go,was an afterthought as well.My favorite line: And if it feels good,Don't even try it,When you eat chicken,It's best not to fry it!You know,I'm well known for my diet tips!

  13. #9
    Senior Member Jim Colyer's Avatar
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    Doug,

    A good comment on modern society. It seems like things are going downhill.

    Jim
    Jim Colyer Girl albums

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    frankie i would not think about changing the line to any great extent, but i think that removing 'flooding' from the line would retain the beat and still retain the power of the lyric.
    Last edited by Tomatomic; 11-08-2012 at 08:54 PM.

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    doug, i'm not going to lie, i massively appreciate that you can appreciate criticism, i know far too many writers of poetry who break down at one iota of criticism which sorely irritates me. but dude the piece itself is perfectly sound by any reckoning and i really enjoy it. speaking of criticism, i think i require some on man consumes man...... ASSIST ME!!!!!!!! but but to your art... i solely believe that the removal of flooding from the line would make it flow much better... other than that man i love it!!!

  16. #12
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tomatomic View Post
    frankie i would not think about changing the line to any great extent, but i think that removing 'flooding' from the line would retain the beat and still retain the power of the lyric.
    Tomatomic: I bow to your higher critique (truly!). Plus Doug really let the cat out of the bag.

    Hey, Doug, dontcha know it kind of ruins it when an artist explains their lyrics/poetry?? A wise man once said, "I think it's best left to the reader's imagination."

  17. #13
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Frankie,
    I wasn't explaining the "meaning"just how I came up with the decision to include which lines,where.The meaning is pretty clear,but I'd never argue with the Great and Wise Oz!!!

  18. #14
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tomatomic View Post
    frankie i would not think about changing the line to any great extent, but i think that removing 'flooding' from the line would retain the beat and still retain the power of the lyric.
    DONE!!!Now should I remove "that's" from "that's insane" It seems to be an extra word now.What do you think;Atomic One,Frankie,smoothtung?

  19. #15
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    You better not argue, buddy. You'll be stuck in Oz forever, and I'll never help you go back home . . .

    (P.S. I wasn't explaining the "meaning" to my poem either--just what triggered the idea--and the meaning was pretty obvious as well! Punct. Oh, excuse me, let me say it in English, PERIOD. I.e., Do not talk back to the great WIZ.)

  20. #16
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Stuck in Oz forever?Hmm.......maybe that's exactly what I'm looking for!Please except my apologies,oh Magnificent One!

  21. #17
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    "Silence! You whippersnapper! The Great Oz has spoken!!"

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    from my perspective dude that sorts it out perfectly. i am flattered beyond measure that you changed it sole because my point... doug i salute you

  23. #19
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    The great and powerful Oz just foud your question, "that's insane" is fine!!

  24. #20
    Senior Member Doug Denslowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tomatomic View Post
    from my perspective dude that sorts it out perfectly. i am flattered beyond measure that you changed it sole because my point... doug i salute you
    When you're right,you're Write!

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