Serendipity

Thread: Serendipity

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  1. PointZero's Avatar

    PointZero said:

    Default Serendipity

    (Verse 1)
    Fourteen nights and fourteen days
    Struggles, fights and troubled ways
    Will you be there in the end?
    I guess I'll have to see again

    You tried to run but you ran too slow
    And now I suppose it's time to go
    Do you even remember my name?
    I guess your story stayed the same

    (Chorus)
    Don't let go
    of me
    You're the light in my sky
    tonight

    (Verse 2)
    Where to start where to begin?
    You closed the door as I walked in
    I didn't have time to scream
    because you ripped out everything between;

    my heart and this endangered life of mine
    Focus now, we're low on time
    Too much jealousy and hate;
    a double edged sword called Fate

    (Chorus)
    Don't let go
    of me
    It's time to move
    on
    Don't let go
    of me
    You're the light in my sky
    tonight

    (Bridge)
    So I'll tell you what,
    I'll give you an ultimatum
    Tonight we're going to end this
    once and for all

    So I'll make you beg
    for this apology you crave
    Tonight I'm going to end this
    for once and for all

    (Chorus)
    Don't let go
    of me
    It's time to move
    on
     
  2. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

    Default

    PointZero,
    This I love.I don't know how to tell you how cool I think this song is.Notice I said song,not Song Lyric.It "sings itself"right off the page.This is great writing.
    One Suggestion;(Verse 2)Cut "between"from the line,it still rhymes,and has more impact,in my opinion.
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 11-03-2012 at 02:25 PM. Reason: Everything to between
     
  3. PointZero's Avatar

    PointZero said:

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Doug Denslowe View Post
    PointZero,
    This I love.I don't know how to tell you how cool I think this song is.Notice I said song,not Song Lyric.It "sings itself"right off the page.This is great writing.
    One Suggestion;(Verse 2)Cut "everything"from the line,it still rhymes,and has more impact,in my opinion.
    Ah, thanks Doug!

    And thanks Rickey, you always have positive things to say.
     
  4. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

    Default

    See above correction,sorry for the confusion!