Celebrate

Verse: Lying here, I'm staring at a ray of light
The morning sun comes thru the blinds
It lights up the space you've left behind
I recall my dreams of you, they felt so right
In my mind I see your face
Memories falling into place

Prechorus: Those vivid dreams at night
Really put it right

Chorus: I know I can celebrate
The good things in life and I just can't wait
Tomorrow will make me forget the day
You broke my heart and the sky went grey
The day you went away

Celebrate
The good things in life and I won't debate
My heartache belongs to yesterday
Colours instead of shades of grey
It's a beautiful day |

Verse: I'm doing what I please, I feel so alive
So many things that I can do
Feel like strolling thru the zoo
I get behind the wheel, I go for a drive
My car obeys my hands and feet
It's me who's in the driver´s seat

Prechorus: Just going for a spin
With the sunlight on my skin.

Chorus

Good rhymes but you need to edit this so the lines aren't so wordy.The lines have to be easy to sing,I couldn't figure how to approach your lyrics.Like I said,it's good,just make it more accessible.(to sing)

Thanks for your comments. As a non-native speaker of English I'm maybe a bit too eager to get my message across in 'good English'. I've played this song with a singer and she said she liked the song in general, but the lyrics tripped her up a bit. So, she did have a point after all. Conciseness is the thing to be after!

Look into song structure... and you will be able to whittle this idea down.

I came back to this because I remembered I liked it, and I super respect people who can not only speak, but create in other than their own language. I know, speaking English has an advantage, as far as a Rock and Roll songwriter. All the early blues were written in English as well. (I know lots of Folk songs come from other cultures but the blues and Rock are primarily American) I hope you work on this song, it's got potential. See if you can edit it, I'd like to see what you come up with.

Thanks for the kind words and the encouragement! I will surely have a go at a rewrite of the song.

Peter, it's definitely worth thinking about taking a word or phrase out here and there. I suggest working on it with your vocalist, she may have ideas that help bring this to it's full potential. You do know American music, you understood exactly the mood I was going for on Baby Won't You Please (Come Home) Now take this knowledge and trim this down to make it easier to sing.