Living in Twilight

Thread: Living in Twilight

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  1. Peter Both said:

    Default Living in Twilight

    I'd like to turn off the TV
    And pour myself a drink
    No more talkshows or movies
    I need some time to think
    I still recall how it felt when I was small
    I thought I could win it all
    There was one thing I was sure of
    One day I would sell out the Albert Hall

    (chorus) Don't wanna live in twilght
    Don't wanna live my life in twilight
    Wanna live my life in the limelight
    Wanna spend my time in the spotlights
    I don't wanna live my life
    In twilght

    All my life I have been trying
    But it's always been unfair
    There's no point in denying
    It didn't get me anywhere
    It is true I have banged on a thousand doors
    Guess I know the score
    They slammed the doors right in my face
    But I'll never give up trying
    That's for sure

    chorus

    I am destined for stardom
    I know that for a fact
    It's my only objective
    I won't settle for any less
    Blind ambition will never leave me alone
    I'll never change my tone
    Should I fail to succeed it
    Forever I'll be trapped in a twilight zone
     
  2. Wilson said:

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    Dang!..this is awesome!! I like the rhyimg too.keep up
     
  3. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    Quote Originally Posted by RickeyJoe View Post
    I really like the verses. However, I am not too keen on the chorus, I feel that it could definitely be better so as to match the caliber of the verses.
    I completely agree with Rickey.Verses are good,the chorus seems rushed,not as near as clever as the verses.
     
  4. Peter Both said:

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    @ Wilson: Thanks!
    @ RickeyJoe and Doug: I wrote the chorus years before I wrote the verses. Somehow the chorus became 'fixed' in my head. When I finally took the time to complete the song, it never occurred to me to change the chorus. However, when I try to imagine how these lyrics would seem for somebody who has never read them before, your critique definitely makes sense. I will give a rewrite of the chorus some serious thought. I think this is what this forum should be about: critically evaluating each others lyrics so we can all improve our writing skills.