Words

Thread: Words

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  1. RobberBaron said:

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    Words - Copyright © RobberBaron Enterprises 2012

    The singers use their words,
    They are loud and long,
    And they use words like love and heart,
    But they don't always mean them

    The poets use their words,
    They are odd and blunt,
    And they use words like solitude,
    But I can't always feel them

    The authors use their words,
    They are fast and one,
    And they use words like sad and run,
    But they're not about real men

    Some people don't use words,
    They are only scared,
    And they fear words like me and love,
    But I don't make promises

    I sometimes use my words,
    They are just a sound,
    And I use words like hide and wrong,
    But they never use their ears
    Last edited by RobberBaron; 12-25-2012 at 04:09 AM. Reason: line breaks
     
  2. Guest said:

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    I liked this, except the very last line; the poem falls flat for me. The idea is excellent and with some work, there's a very promising piece here. It is unclear who the last 'they' means ("everyone else"?) and the very nicely built suspension fails to reach its climax.
     
  3. RobberBaron said:

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    Thanks for a useful comment "They" was supposed to be everyone else, but I'll think about it, thanks :P This was just something I wrote quickly on holiday
     
  4. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Agree that the meaningful ending you were headed for did not materialize; but then, so do you agree! Otherwise, I like this song very much--the playing with words of how various artists "portray" love. Now hone in for the "kill"--that your words about love the best and most meaningful! Rob, you always impress me.
     
  5. Guest said:

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    It's often the quick, intuitive writes well-honed by good editing that turn out to be your best work.
     
  6. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    I have to agree with my two contemporaries.Everything but the last line is thought provoking and well said.Do rethink the last line.
    "It's just noise to them"or something to tie into the sound falling on deaf ears.
     
  7. RobberBaron said:

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    OK thanks everyone For a minute there I was thinking "Who's Rob?", but alas :L
     
  8. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Quote Originally Posted by RobberBaron View Post
    OK thanks everyone For a minute there I was thinking "Who's Rob?", but alas :L
    ANONYMOUS: Awright, mate. That's what them Yanks do, in'nit? Always 'breviatin' stuff, 'n'all!

    FRANKIE: Hey, who's callin' me a Yank?
     
  9. amaryn's Avatar

    amaryn said:

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    I
    Dear Baron! As you use the word "the authors" e.g. it makes on me the impression of generalizing, which I suppose is not what you meant.
    You rather feel frustration. (last stanza seems to acknowledge that)
    Battering the heads of the socalled victims here this way is rather brutal, done without pardoning, yet honest.
    I haven't dived into your work as yet, but it could be promising!
    Thanks for waking me up, Baron!