A Dying Dream

Dying Dream

Lost and old she sees herself
Lurking in the light of youth
Hope is rotting in the shell
of all she's ever held as truth.
With sightless eyes and scalding tears
She falls backwards into night
Calling, knowing none can hear
Her broken wings betraying flight.

Winter lasted far too long
Her bones grew brittle from the cold
What once was right has turned to wrong
Now nothing else can save her soul.
She'll drown inside her dying dream
And feel the promise turn to dust
And as she dies she'll hear them scream
"She's only like the rest of us."



I only did this to see if I could write something dark. It’s in the same meter as Poe’s Spirits of the Dead.

You can. And it's scary.

I really like this, it seems to be very dark and I love it!

Thank you guys !!

@Teshka: "her bones grew brittle from the cold" beautifully written, frightening enough!

Thank you amaryn and there is some symbolism in that line as well as literal meaning.....the "bones" of the soul becoming fragile to the point that the heart can figuratively shatter like anything else. Maybe thats obvious but i wanted to say it anyway

Have you crawled into my mind, Tess?

I would not have thought you were "trying" to be dark. Usually that ploy ends up overly dramatic, which your poem is not. "A Dying Dream" flowed out of you as though it was some hidden, inner part of yourself; it rings true. So . . . whatever technique you are using to delve into other areas in poetry, keep doing it. It is working "naturally" for you.

Good work. Love the ending. I want to say more, but sometimes "less" is better!

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

Have you crawled into my mind, Tess?

that's kinda funny (but not exactly that) bcs i was wondering about myself (lol) but also around the time that i wrote this i was remembering a "goth" friend that i had for a little while in college, and the thing is that she was 99% normal but she just didn't know, bcs she was so shy or withdrawn that she saw everyone else as "outside" of herself and that seemed to make her afraid to be "in the light" of day to day existence. But i suppose, or i know that everyone is like that in some way......which explains the ending in one way, tho not in every way.....bcs the ending is also a "fall" into reality..... of life and of death.

Finland has an overdose of goth youngsters. Amazingly enough young!! To face the facts of life and death is hard. They rather retreat. You could compare them to scary animals in the woods.strange as youngsters are supposed to "forget" ageing! Read your poem many a time. Absokutely love it!

Sorry mobile mistakes. Travelling

TY again amaryn

yea typing on cell, especially with long nails....and trying to go back and place the cursor to fix mistakes is even more irritating >.<

Originally Posted by Teshka

TY again amaryn

yea typing on cell, especially with long nails....and trying to go back and place the cursor to fix mistakes is even more irritating >.<

My guitarnails tell a story of their own

This is real neat-o!!!

Thank you Doug!

Originally Posted by Teshka

Dying Dream

Lost and old she sees herself
Lurking in the light of youth -
Hope is rotting in the shell - I particulary love the flow of these two lines.
of all she's ever held as truth.
With sightless eyes and scalding tears
She falls backwards into night
Calling, knowing none can hear
Her broken wings betraying flight. - I love this line, such flow and meaning that can be extracted from it

Winter lasted far too long
Her bones grew brittle from the cold
What once was right has turned to wrong
Now nothing else can save her soul.
She'll drown inside her dying dream - goood
And feel the promise turn to dust
And as she dies she'll hear them scream
"She's only like the rest of us."





I only did this to see if I could write something dark. It’s in the same meter as Poe’s Spirits of the Dead.

How did I miss this one? ^^ Good work, you should pursue more writing Teshka

Thank you Eccer

The thing is I've been exhausting my brain on my part-time job (and loving it) while also trying to learn FL Studio so that one of these days maybe i can actually write a whole song and as part of that i've written half a dozen lines 2 or 3 dozen times but i haven't come close to finishing anything at all.....haven't even done much reading in the Lyrics and Poetry sections either for way too long. But yea thanks for the encouragement! but i'm not the real talent around here, obviously there are quite a few better writers that i can't even try to keep up with, like you and Doug and several others

.....and ofc my sweetie Moon, bcs it was one of his old poems from about 3 years ago that gave me the thought of trying to write something like this. I'm just a copycat