Aaron

Devastated
by a
self-inflicted
blast
to the head-
Blood
Wet and Sticky
sprayed on the bed.

They said
I killed my man
In Reality
I couldn't understand
why anyone would
think
that I could
take someone's life
much less the man
who called me his 'wife'.

Worry, sadness, tears
it all came out
Is he alive?
Is he dead?
I plead
with the police
to let me see
the man
I was to wed.

Instead,
I got a one-way ticket
to the Psych. Ward,
where I was sedated
while They waited
for me
to face Reality

And to go head to head
with what was
traumatizing me...
which was the sight of
Aaron-
halfway dead...
sprawled out
listlessly
on our bed

My Heart, My Love
had been shot..
He was in a bed
on Life Support
on the floor
above my head

Security escorted me
to see
my sweet baby
in ICU-
when I saw his limp body
my face went blue.

I was there, by his side..
while they pulled the plug
I cried salty tears into
his shampooed hair
and gave his
lifeless body
a huge hug-
even though I knew
he was barely there...

But I didn't want to leave
even when his hand
was hard and cold
I couldn't believe
that my fiancee was gone
at only 22 years old..

The police told me
repeatedly
to get off of the bed-

As they pulled me off of him
my stomach filled with dread

I took one last look at
my soulmate
my heart
filled with an ache
of love
and hate.

Goodbye my NYC boy,
you brought me love, immense joy

I need to move on now
even though
I know
that I will never find
another "Aaron"
and that leaves my heart
and my soul empty-
completely barren.



Written on September 2, 2013 in dedication to my fiancee Aaron who took his life in a desperate act of impulsiveness and selfishness...I miss him, but I also allow myself to be angry with him. Thank you.

Wow,Jessie!This isn't what I expected!It's ten times better than I ever thought you'd write.I thought I'd be a "Aaron this,Aaron that".This is both heartfelt and great poetry!I hope you get some feedback on this,it deserves it!Another great piece,I'm very proud of you!As I come back to read this,again,let me add that I love the way you posted it.It has a great rhythm that helps the reader get the heaviness of the poem!Great job!

Originally Posted by Doug Denslowe

Wow,Jessie!This isn't what I expected!It's ten times better than I ever thought you'd write.I thought I'd be a "Aaron this,Aaron that".This is both heartfelt and great poetry!I hope you get some feedback on this,it deserves it!Another great piece,I'm very proud of you!

Thanks Dougie...wish I had the time to network with all the other great writers on this site- but, well, you know how my life is...lol, so thank you for the compliment..

Jessie, one word = HEAVY. Make that two = HEAVY DUTY.

From the opening words, I thought perhaps I would not like your poem--fearing it would be a reliving of gore. No way. HONESTY IN WORDS. Your expressions are direct, simply stated, but emotionally charged. Your personal experience of the entire sequence of events also allows the reader to become involved along with you (if s/he chooses--I did!). "Aaron" had to be painful to compose, bringing painful feelings and memories afresh. I hope you also found it cathartic.

Jessie, I am also sad that you experienced such a tragic, life-altering trauma. Obviously you will never forget Aaron . . . May you be comforted.

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

Jessie, one word = HEAVY. Make that two = HEAVY DUTY.

From the opening words, I thought perhaps I would not like your poem--fearing it would be a reliving of gore. No way. HONESTY IN WORDS. Your expressions are direct, simply stated, but emotionally charged. Your personal experience of the entire sequence of events also allows the reader to become involved along with you (if s/he chooses--I did!). "Aaron" had to be painful to compose, bringing painful feelings and memories afresh. I hope you also found it cathartic.

Jessie, I am also sad that you experienced such a tragic, life-altering trauma. Obviously you will never forget Aaron . . . May you be comforted.

No,Frankie,this isn't fiction.That's why it's a "must read" rather than "one of the many".You're right,it does appear to be yet another "horror" post or something out of "Alfred Hitchcock Hour".No,this is all too true.I'm glad Jessie has finally put Aaron to rest in this compelling poem.

dear Jessie- you have managed to describe a tragedy of immense intensity in such compact, yet clear, honest
words not hiding it's uglyness, horror and despair that I sit here clinching my fists not to hit the wall full of anger at the world;
Even so, you realize already bravely: "I need to move on now"...an astonishing sign of your budding strength, though you admit:
"that I will never find another Aaron"

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

Jessie, one word = HEAVY. Make that two = HEAVY DUTY.

From the opening words, I thought perhaps I would not like your poem--fearing it would be a reliving of gore. No way. HONESTY IN WORDS. Your expressions are direct, simply stated, but emotionally charged. Your personal experience of the entire sequence of events also allows the reader to become involved along with you (if s/he chooses--I did!). "Aaron" had to be painful to compose, bringing painful feelings and memories afresh. I hope you also found it cathartic.

Jessie, I am also sad that you experienced such a tragic, life-altering trauma. Obviously you will never forget Aaron . . . May you be comforted.

Frankie, first of all it's an honor for me to have you read this piece! I love and admire your critique.
Yes, Aaron's death was incredibly painful, but not so much anymore...instead of a pulsating and unrelenting pain/grief- today there is only the occasional 'ache'.... it's a process. And most definitely a cathartic one!

In many of my poems, one thing I did learn from studying poetry/literature, was to add very visual and graphic adjectives as a way to draw the reader in more closely, almost to the point where the image of the work is vivid and realistic inside their minds. At the same time, there's a certain aspect of 'mystique' that a writer must adhere to, as this allows each individual reader the opportunity to speculate/analyze about the poem and draw their own independent
Again, THANK YOU so much for your comments- it means the world to me!

Damn, this was hard to read. So much pain, real pain. How you managed to write this down, must have taken many years of consideration, but the important fact is, you really did it! Now unto the writing, the flow is really great here and easy to read. And every picture settles as the next unfolds and ends with a nice resolution. What you said about mystique is true, however such a piece like this. Deservers no more than this and what you have written here. True honesty and nothing more. Perhaps an improvement would be to expand your imagery through new words, and play with your imagination and connect that to pieces like this. But I don't know you, and I look forward to see more of you Keep writing, peace!

Originally Posted by Eccer

Damn, this was hard to read. So much pain, real pain. How you managed to write this down, must have taken many years of consideration, but the important fact is, you really did it! Now unto the writing, the flow is really great here and easy to read. And every picture settles as the next unfolds and ends with a nice resolution. What you said about mystique is true, however such a piece like this. Deservers no more than this and what you have written here. True honesty and nothing more. Perhaps an improvement would be to expand your imagery through new words, and play with your imagination and connect that to pieces like this. But I don't know you, and I look forward to see more of you Keep writing, peace!

I very much appreciate your critique of my poem. Thank you so much- yes, you are right- expanding out of my 'realist' poems would really catapult my writing...that is such an awesome suggestion! I will keep writing, it's therapeutic for me!