Relentless

Verse:
Let's talk about your life for a minute
See if you can handle this to this finish without wearing a grimace
if you were alone with no one to keep your trust
and every other critic says that you got guts
but you ain't right about how you live and breath and you'll die
you couldn't ride with them because you fail when you try
and everytime that you convince yourself to keep on moving
to prove your worth, it's a mile backwards while you're sittin' out on the curb
beatin the **** out of yourself cause you can't learn how to dance with the devil
you feel like you're diggin yor own grave with your own shovel
maybe you can find a deeper level, you do it
yet no matter what you give your life to keep improving
you throw away your pride so far gone from reality all you do is fantasize
about getting money, you strive, so hungry for success
you imagine what it tastes like, you would do anything for it and relentlessly devise

Chorus:
This is your relentless offensive
you keep on going til you break your bones and show the scars
this world is built on top of risk, no one told you it wouldn't be hard
you can only help yourself, we're goin far

This is your relentless offensive
you keep on going til you got no motive and you touch the stars
this world is built on truth and if you use it you won't lose
infamous is what I choose-what I choose

Verse:
I'm breaking down every lane tryna feast like a starved shark
that's why I'm up everyday spittin' out these klondike bars
discard my want for flesh, these *****es get it twisted
and I don't dress to impress, I'd rather stress and confess
I am blessed to be alive even if I wasn't expected to arrive
I'm not special I'm just a paradox rolling up paradimes
I'm trying to fly, I'm writing designs with blind eyes

These people that try to play me, that hate me
Degrade the truth of what I'm saying because I'm not faking
They will get me up on stage with 50 bands in a case
When it happens then close my casket before someone close to me pulls out a hidden blade
I need a clean slate so I can drop a megaton in the shade
sit on top of it rollin a blunt, smokin until I fade and I'm numb until I'm grey
dissecting the anatomy of the word 'play'



Might just leave it at that or bring the chorus around again but the chorus sounds sort of monotonous. Need some advice.

Yeah man I mean this should be a rough draft for sure dude, this is good material for a song, all you have to do is spice it up and use a little more delivery and wordplay, this could be great if you take it far man, lemme see if I can help out with something to give you an idea, lemme know what you think.

Instead of : "I'm breaking down every lane tryna feast like a starved shark
that's why I'm up everyday spittin' out these klondike bars
discard my want for flesh, these *****es get it twisted"

Try something like:
"Tearin up MC'S tryna feast like a starved shark
grindin' every day spittin' up charred bars
only to embark on a mission, get people really listenin
put the rest of the game in an andaconda submission.."

the content of the chorus is okay...but thought you could try this....

"this is your relentless offensive
keep going till you break your bones and show the scar
the world's built on risk, no one said it ain't oppressive
you can only help yourself by aiming far

this is your relentless offensive
keep reaching for stars till you got no motive
coz the world's built on truth...if you use it you won't loose
infamous is my choice...yeah it's what i choose"