First Legit "Song" want feedback

Thread: First Legit "Song" want feedback

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  1. Levi Pruett said:

    Default First Legit "Song" want feedback

    Say something now its crazy
    I been wasting my life im lazy
    I aint gunna lie
    You can say ima try
    But the old me has gone bye bye
    Im breaking down, im gunna cry
    Well, I guess we learn with time
    If time is money, im wasting dimes
    Just like this song
    My life is all wrong
    Lucky i get, to last that long-
    Verse 2
    Round 2
    Still in this ring
    I know im not there yet but ima be king
    My potential was wasted
    But it has been tasted
    Im not that good, but ive never copied and pasted
    Oh well,
    Aw h***
    So personal im sick and pale
    -Back to Chorus-
    Verse 3
    Right quick
    Before i go
    Ima tell you what you should know
    Lifes battles are rough
    But I am still tough
    But am I enough?
    But overally , whats in it for me?
    Twista Prueit
  2. Tokie said:


    Just like this song
    My life is all wrong

    Best part
  3. Levi Pruett said:


    Haa, yeah, it really sucks though
    Twista Prueit
  4. Tyler6270 said:


    Nah man everyone starts somewhere, the only reason I keep rapping is because I HAVE seen improvement from since I've started, I'm trying to work my way up to SBU's level lol. Read his lyrics, and other good rappers, to understand what they are trying to convey to you and how they deliver it. Puns, metaphors, similes, different styles of flow, it's all important. I try to think of things that would make people go like "damn! that line was crazy, and it didn't break flow!" Ya know? Like Rhyme Asylum, great example.. Poison Penmanship: "I was breastfed bottles of arsenic" ****ing crazy line right? In a battle on here I went from stuff like:
    "You come up on my turf looking like you tough
    you a fake a** gangsta boy, you ain't rough
    I'll say to yo face, and put you down on the ground
    Boy f**k making you a bi***, you'll be my hound
    To just stuff off the top of my head like:

    You wanna go some rounds then I'll take ya to five,
    All around blood-thirsty like a vampenize parasite,
    Dead inside, got cancer stage 5 and iller rhymes,
    Been high but I have seen taller times breakin lines.."

    work on syllable count, like each syllable count in at least a couple lines should be close to the same, don't want like 7 syllables and then 24 the next line. You'll get better man, don't be negative about it.
  5. Levi Pruett said:


    Hey tyler, if your looking for a more competetive site, google lyrical assault, im DjFlame on there, look me up
    Twista Prueit