Hey guys! I picked up the first song I posted here and reviewed it...what's best the old or the new version?
OLD:
Sitting here thinking about it...again
been six months since I decided
to give it a try
But I'm still here doing nothing
More afraid then ever
It's so scary to me
should I just keep it a dream
inside my heart
or maybe I should quit those thoughts
and do what I still have'nt done
I cant keep being afraid
Have to belive its going to be alright
so much to gain
I've been living to long in its shadow
It's time to make it my life
Ch:
I wanna change my future
Not gonna waist this one life
that's been given to me
I must give it a chance
'cause this is my time
I'm gonna live my dream
NEW:
Still thinking about it
six months since i decided
to take the chance
More afraid then ever
I'm still right here doing nothing
It's so scary to me
should just keep it a dream
inside my heart
or should I quit those thoughts
do what I still haven't done
I won't hold back no more
it's gonna be alright
so much to gain
nothing at all to fear
it's time to make it my life
Ch:
Gonna change my future
Not waisting this one life
that's been given to me
Gotta give it a chance
'Cause this is my time
I'm living my dream
Tags:
None
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Live my dream
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The old one sounds like something from "There's One in Every Crowd," while the new one sounds like something from "Slowhand."
The old one seems to convey what I take to be the spirit of the tune in a way that hits me much harder in the gut. It may not be half as polished metrically, but this does not weaken it in any appreciable way to my ear; in fact, I'm still struggling to understand why it seems to be so much more effective at communicating something to me than the new. The old is bacon fat, the new is sizzlelean. -
Thanks Aristotle Graham...well,I was not aiming for Pointer Sisters/Slowhand, but actually more country. I really appreciate your review and hope you'll want to continue reviewing my stuff
Thanks!
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The new version probably makes more sense. Of course a lot depends on the melody.
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Just proof that you are continually getting better and better as a song writer
just remember though some songs are better in there raw unrefined state
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I like the old, unpolished version, which doesn't bring you too close to Neat Country Phrases,
the roughness being a kind of harness against slick feelings.
Sure, if managers would get their hands on it they'd probably want the newer version and as I avoid managers
like cityrats I say: the old one definitely! -
Thank you guys! I kinda feel that the old one is closer to my heart and the new one is much more technical correct.
Well I'll keep them both, and see what happens!
Thanks again for taking the time to review my song. It's much appriciated!!!! -
As long as you don't let managers swallow you, I'll settle with that decision. Be careful<3 our musical world has a lot of
emptyheads! -
Love the name of the song
My First English Rock Song + Clip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUmkbv-v-vI
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Sooner or later, we have to live our dreams or risk dying miserable.