Love Letter

Thread: Love Letter

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  1. ShadowPaintedRose's Avatar

    ShadowPaintedRose said:

    Default Love Letter

    Last time I felt this I was in the same spot
    Staring at the books on the floor
    Holding off on things I knew I had to do
    Though I would rather make my way out the door
    Couldn’t swallow couldn’t think
    Sure destruction on the brink
    For the second time I fall to the floor

    Writers don’t get enough credit
    For words exposed and strong
    Pencil touching paper
    Can be forgotten or can set off a bomb

    I’m still staring at this blank page
    Another crumpled sheet of spotless paper
    I’ve got too many feelings and just enough words
    But not enough courage to say them
    I’m staring at a blank blank wall
    In a blank blank room
    But I can’t blank my mind
    My bleeding heart knows the truth
    I’m staring at this blank page
    My love letter to you

    Last time I thought of writing this I was eighteen
    I’m just nineteen, but does it really matter?
    An almost different person gave her heart away
    To a boy who sent it back all shattered
    Now the cracks cannot be seen
    But I’m still yearning to bleed
    Now a brand new love can make me stagger

    Artists don’t get enough credit
    Even though art can’t be wrong
    Pencil touching paper
    Can be forgotten or can set off a bomb

    I’m still staring at this blank page
    Another crumpled sheet of spotless paper
    I’ve got too many feelings and just enough words
    But not enough courage to say them
    I’m staring at a blank blank wall
    In a blank blank room
    But I can’t blank my mind
    My bleeding heart knows the truth
    I’m staring at this blank page
    My love letter to you

    Have I become older?
    Have I become wiser?
    Some things just don’t translate well to words
    I know love can seem harmless
    But fate is truly heartless
    I think my love could break our whole world

    The page is blank
    I think it should stay that way
    But every now and then
    I have the urge to say

    I’m still staring at this blank page
    Another crumpled sheet of spotless paper
    I’ve got too many feelings and just enough words
    But not enough courage to say them
    I’m staring at a blank blank wall
    In a blank blank room
    But I can’t blank my mind
    My bleeding heart knows the truth
    I’m staring at this blank page
    My love letter to you

    To tell you would break us whole
    ‘Cause I know just what you’d do
    So keeping the secret safe
    Is my love letter to you.
     
  2. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

    Default

    I can imagine this as like a folk song with acoustic guitar....Am i close? it's good. I'm not really a song writer and don't have the whole cadence but would want to pump up a couple of things just to give it a little more of an edge....

    4th line, 'Though I would rather run for the door'

    'Last time I thought of writing this I was....
    I'm just.....'
    Need to be a little less direct there, like the 2nd line could just say 'A year later does it really matter?'

    'An almost different person'.....I like that, it almost draws some visuals

    and idk......I keep thinking about switching the words 'crumpled' and 'spotless'?.....
    'Another spotless sheet of crumpled paper'
    .....not sure though, it's just an idea.

    Don't mean to just be critical, you write well and i enjoyed reading this
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  3. ShadowPaintedRose's Avatar

    ShadowPaintedRose said:

    Default

    Nono! I actually really appreciate the critique! Love the change to the 4th line, thank you for that.

    I'll keep the other two changes in mind. The second line of the second verse was intended to be direct, but I see where you're coming from and I'm considering the change. And the change you made to "crumpled paper" line certainly gives it a better flow, but doesn't make as much sense, so I'll have to think about which is more important to me.

    You've given me lots of great options to work with and some new ideas. Thanks so much for the feedback!
     
  4. ShadowPaintedRose's Avatar

    ShadowPaintedRose said:

    Default

    And as for the genre of the song, I was actually going for pop with a little bit of a rock vibe, but I think it would also translate well to something more acoustic.
     
  5. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

    Default

    That's totally fine about my comments, it's your creation and believe me I'm the same way about everything that I write

    One of my favorite songwriters (Emma Hewitt) is mainly EDM but many of her songs sound just as good or sometimes better in acoustic version. She does a lot of that, just her and a guitarist and I love everything that she does, either way.

    After I read 'Own Worst Enemy' I wished that I had read that one first, because it clearly showed that you really know what you're doing
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  6. ShadowPaintedRose's Avatar

    ShadowPaintedRose said:

    Default

    Wow thanks that means a lot! I used to try to write music and the lyrics were always really wishy-washy and cliché and I didn't feel very confident about it. I just started to write again and I've tried to change my voice (my voice as a lyricist, not a singer!) so I'm glad that it's working
     
  7. Jim Colyer's Avatar

    Jim Colyer said:

    Default

    Writers don’t get enough credit
    For words exposed and strong
    Pencil touching paper
    Can be forgotten or can set off a bomb

    I'll give you credit right now. These are strong words!
    Jim Colyer Girl albums
     
  8. ShadowPaintedRose's Avatar

    ShadowPaintedRose said:

    Default

    Thanks Jim!