MERCY VALENTINE a first song writing effort

Hello, never tried writing a song (or anything else for that matter) but this has been scratching around in my head for the last couple of days. Hope it's okay to post here.

Mercy Valentine. By D.M Daniel

Did our cries so delight you
Did our screams meet the price
Did our tears put on a little show
Did our suffering suffice

Did our obedience amaze you
Did our virtue so impress
Did our sins call out for reckoning
Did our soul’s, for you, undress

Were the sweet shores of misery/ reflected in our eyes
Were the angels all around us/ unaffected by our cries
Were the agonies you gave us/ just pities in disguise
Were the sweet shores of misery/ reflected in our eyes

Were the dreams that you gave us/ just a mercy valentine
Were the years of blood we paid/ just another cup of wine
Were the lies that enslaved us/ just a game, so divine
Were the dreams that you gave us/ just a mercy valentine

We know its what you want to hear
We know it's us to blame
We know we’re here for crying time
We know it’s for our shame

We know our crimes are yours to pay
We know we asked for this
We know its mercy that you give
We know you can’t resist

So give us your depravity/ for our suffering is sweet
Give us blinded angels/ and know we’ll be discreet
Give us gracious violence/ our flesh is to mistreat
Give us all God’s fury/ for our suffering is sweet

Were the dreams that you gave us/ just a mercy valentine
Were the years of blood we paid/ just another cup of wine
Were the lies that enslaved us/ just a game, so divine
Were the dreams that you gave us/ just a mercy valentine

Was our agony like roses
Was your nature to consume
Was the lie just a jealous lie
Was it our fault to think it true

Was this all we ever wanted
Was our nature to obey
Was our purpose to enflame you
Was freedom just a grave

Let our flesh and all it’s treason/ be your to crucify
Let hope and all it’s tyranny/ be yours to petrify
Let blood and all it’s wickedness/ be yours to purify
Let our flesh and all its treason/ be yours to crucify

Were the dreams that you gave us/ just a mercy valentine
Were the years of blood we paid/ just another cup of wine
Were the lies that enslaved us/ just a game, so divine
Were the dreams that you gave us/ just a mercy valentine

Will you ever think about us
Will our sacrifice be true
Will our flames keep you warm at night
Will our children burn here, too.

Even for veteran that's an impressive song so a new write to have such a high level to start of with is awesome!! Great effort and keep writing

Very, very well-written. I'd say it's more poem than song, simply because of parallelism/structure. Still, an excellent first piece. Keep up the good work, and welcome to ATL!

Thanks a bunch for the kind words. It means a lot. I'm snowed in this weekend ,so I'll try another.

Simply amazing! Right from the opening section, it grabs a hold of you and does not let go. I love the following lines: "Were the years of blood we paid/just another cup of wine" and "Was freedom just a grave". The use of questions is a smart choice (did/were/was/will); it forces the reader to contemplate the theme and message. The closing section is even more powerful than its opening counterpart. I would recommend you sharing this set of lyrics with as much people as possible. Get this published because it deserves to be considered as a classic.