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Thread: In A Moment

  1. #1
    Junior Member Justin Cayce's Avatar
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    Default In A Moment

    Okay. I thought the second verse was a little weak, but have I now overdone it?
    I'm not fragile - honest opinions appreciated. [and I still has no real music]

    In A Moment - v2(cc) Justin Cayce, 2015
    -------------------------------------------------

    I've made it to another morn
    Another false day starts to dawn
    Still looking for a bright tomorrow
    But today is grey and hollow
    My faith and hope are dead as dust
    My charity's begun to rust
    Trapped between my ego's vanity
    An' the fear I've lost my sanity

    But in a moment
    I'm gonna drink some wine
    In a moment
    I'm gonna feel quite fine
    In a moment
    I'll lose (all) track of time
    To think that you were nearly mine
    In a moment...

    When I was young I was the one
    Who recklessly ran on and on
    And lost my way in days to come
    And played with shadow far too long
    Though years had gone I took a chance
    I thought that I could join the dance
    And disappear from life’s mundanities
    And cling forever to my fantasies

    But in a moment I will drink more wine
    And in a moment I will feel quite fine
    And in a moment I will slip through time
    And think of when life seemed to rhyme
    In a moment...

    But by the time that you were twenty-one
    You'd seen the moonlight and the sun
    You'd seen more sadness turn to madness
    And there was nothing could be done
    Why you're not near to me is clear
    In a moment... love gave way to fear
    I didn't know how much I held you dear
    Didn't know how far this flame could sear
    In a moment...

    So in a moment
    I will drink more wine
    And in a moment
    Think about the time
    And in a moment
    I can say I'm fine
    In a moment
    Sure it’s just the wine
    In a moment...
    Just give me a little time
    Another moment...
    Just give me...
    Another moment... ... ..

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    Ol'Lew (02-24-2015)

  3. #2
    Senior Member Kerri Faye Yates's Avatar
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    I haven't seen you around here before, maybe I'm just late to the party!
    Anyway, nice work. It's refreshing to read new work of talented individuals.
    What really stuck out to me was:
    But by the time that you were twenty-one
    You'd seen the moonlight and the sun
    You'd seen more sadness turn to madness
    And there was nothing could be done

    I think it just flows very nicely and I could "hear" it in my head. I like that the chorus is simple, yet gives a lot of insight still.
    Hope my rambling is useful!
    ~Kerri Faye

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    Justin Cayce (03-01-2015)

  5. #3
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    I'm new to this website and thought I would try reviewing some lyrics from other members!

    I really enjoyed this. You didn't really stick to anything predictable in the sense that some writers/lyricists do. The descriptions were well done and I for one am a visual person when it comes to lyrics/poetry. This song has alot of potential, in that I mean that with music you could make it a nice journey for the listener.Very poetic and creative! Keep it up!

    " When I was young I was the one
    Who recklessly ran on and on
    And lost my way in days to come
    And played with shadow far too long"

    Really cool.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Ol'Lew For This Useful Post:
    Justin Cayce (03-01-2015)

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