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  1. #1
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    Default Loose Lipped L-Kid

    You lay lines in the path of the intruders
    pricked ears saviour every sour drop
    you hold your head high and brush me off smoother
    than my touch that's lingered enough to rot

    You've a legion of listeners swimming in the pond in your palm
    they'll hunt for scraps to store away
    hoard the power to get one over
    for when jibes that ache the soul run dry

    How do you save un-saveable face?
    when the seams had burst prior to the farce
    repercussions sting like mace
    so embrace the curse on the spell that you cast

    Now, have me break down your barriers
    the ones you least want me to break
    let me find the truth in you and fumigate the fake
    you must scan the very depths of you
    find assurance and refrain
    from ridding me of acknowledgement
    muttering my name in vain.
    Last edited by Olly West; 02-27-2015 at 04:17 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Eccer's Avatar
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    Oct 2012
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    This is very well written, and the flow is impeccable. I like how you experiment with that type of free flow of words. My first impression makes up for a puzzle, which is by all means positive! Although after further re-readings I see this is about someone keeping you out of something. (which is strangly relative) but that's what good about poetry! Anyways, it is overall a very pleasing read, because there is nothing forced about it. You rhyme naturally, and the lines wind into each other poetically. Keep it up man! (I accidentally deleted my first review of this, so this is what I remember from it...briefly, so that's why it sounds a little bit staccato, anyways. If i get to come back to this, i'll give it a more deserved constructive review.)

    Also, would you mind checking out my latest?https://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/sh...d.php?t=156825
    I'm also working on another, which should be up soon..

  3. #3
    Senior Member Teshka's Avatar
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    wow I loved this right off because it's so unconventional and freestyle, but then the context really rocked in line 3 of the final verse....then had to go back and reread from that attitude. This is really great and i think it says that you can probably do anything that you would ever want to do with poetry and wordsmithery
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~

  4. #4
    Junior Member
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    Feb 2015
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    Teshka & Eccer....

    Thank you both for your lovely comments. It really is so nice to find that people enjoy something that I've written.

    Eccer, you are right it is a bit of a puzzle. Glad you got there in the end!

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