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  1. #1
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Default παρακαλώ, Αμέθυστος: ένα μικρό μετάφραση (Please, Amethystos: one small translat

    If you have time, please do a translation that will make the meaning clear in Greek. (It doesn't have to have the same line structure - I just want the meaning to be clear to a Greek lyricist.

    Here in town it's now
    around nine pm
    So if you are alone.
    pour yourself a drink
    and listen to me
    sing you this song.

    When your first woman leaves,
    there is always another woman.
    And when your next woman leaves,
    there is always more wine.
    But when your last woman leaves
    there is only music.

    So since it is now
    past 9pm here in town,
    and since you must be alone
    (because you have listened this far)
    pour yourself another drink
    and listen to me
    sing you this song again.

    When your first woman leaves,
    there is always another woman.
    And when your next woman leaves,
    there is always more wine.
    But when your last woman leaves
    there is only music.
    Last edited by David Halitsky; 04-24-2015 at 11:37 AM.

  2. #2
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    Εδώ στην πόλη είναι τώρα
    εννιά το βράδυ
    Άμα είσαι μόνος
    βάλε ποτό
    και άκουσε με
    να σου τραγουδήσω αυτό το τραγούδι

    Όταν η πρώτη σου γυναίκα φύγει
    πάντα υπάρχει μια άλλη γυναίκα
    Και οταν φύγει κι η επόμενη
    υπάρχει πάντα κι άλλο κρασί.
    Αλλά όταν φύγει η τελευταία σου γυναίκα
    υπάρχει μόνο η μουσική

    Κι αφού είναι τώρα
    περασμένες εννιά το βράδυ εδώ στην πόλη
    και μιας και είσαι μόνος
    (μια που με άκουσες ως τώρα)
    βάλε άλλο ένα πότό
    και άκου με
    να σου τραγουδάω αυτό το τραγούδι πάλι.


    Βtw 9pm in Greece doesn't have a "proper" meaning.
    It'll be better if lyrics were talking about midnight or even dawn.
    Last edited by Amethystos; 04-24-2015 at 02:45 PM.
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

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    David Halitsky (04-24-2015)

  4. #3
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Thank you as always, A.

    Is this correct:

    κοντά στην αυγή

    for "close to dawn"?

    If so, I will change

    εννιά το βράδυ

    to

    κοντά στην αυγή

  5. #4
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by David Halitsky View Post
    Thank you as always, A.

    Is this correct:

    κοντά στην αυγή

    for "close to dawn"?

    If so, I will change

    εννιά το βράδυ

    to

    κοντά στην αυγή
    In that case

    Here in town it's now
    close to dawn


    should be translated as

    Εδώ στην πόλη
    κοντεύει να ξημερώσει.


    Ps. I edited my first post cause there was some misspelling
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Amethystos For This Useful Post:
    David Halitsky (04-24-2015)

  7. #5
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Thanks - I will update my facebook page accordingly ...

    https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008134184696

    Thanks very much again, A.

  8. #6
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    I forgot!!!

    We have to change the last verse because it is no longer 9pm in the first verse.

    So instead of:

    So since it is now
    past 9pm here in town,
    and since you must be alone
    (because you have listened this far)
    pour yourself another drink
    and listen to me
    sing you this song again.

    we need this:

    So now the sun is almost up,
    and you must still be alone
    (because you have listened this far.)
    So pour yourself one last drink,
    and listen to me
    sing you this song again.


  9. #7
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    Τώρα που ο ήλιος ανάτειλε
    και είσαι ακόμα μόνος
    (μια που με άκουσες ως τώρα)
    Βάλε το ποτό το τελευταίο
    και άκου με
    να σου τραγουδάω αυτό το τραγούδι πάλι.


    You should know that all these translations are not word to word exact, cause I had to deliver the proper meaning in Greek....

    for example
    "και είσαι ακόμα μόνος" is directly translated as "and you're still alone" but in Greek we have the meaning you wanted to give to.
    Last edited by Amethystos; 04-25-2015 at 11:56 AM.
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

  10. #8
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Thank you very much, Amethystos. I have simplified the FB cover art to just the middle verse, so I can fit the English in also:

    https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008134184696

    But I very much appreciate your "expressive" translation, because I would like to find a composer for the entire song.

    In that regard, I have a question to ask you. People tell me this song could never be a Greek song, because it does not "paint pictures" with pretty words. (I am sure you will recall our discussion some months ago about Greek songs painting pictures and US songs telling stories.)

    But to me, this is such a classic "cafe" or "bistro" song in the general European tradition that Greeks would surely feel comfortable with it. Don't you think so?

    Or am I again wrong about this? Am I still missing the point that Greek want to see pictures that the song paints?

  11. #9
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    You won't have any problems with this storyline.
    And when you added "drinking and nighttime" the whole song "acquired" the images you were looking for.

    The only thing I'm thinking about is that in your 2nd verse there should have been some secret revealed, some phrase that will make people remember the whole song. I only speak this out cause you expressed your will to turn lyrics to music by finding a composer.
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

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    David Halitsky (04-25-2015)

  13. #10
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    I will think about the "catch phrase" in the second verse - thanks Amethystos.

    Also, I have given you credit for the translation here:

    https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008134184696

    If you do not see the post on top, scroll down until you see it. It says:

    Θα ήθελα τη γνώμη σας . Νομίζετε ότι οι στίχοι στο τέλος αυτού του μηνύματος είναι κατάλληλα για ένα ελληνικό τραγούδι ; Εάν αυτοί οι στίχοι γράφτηκαν στα γαλλικά , ξέρω ότι αυτοί οι στίχοι θα ήταν κατάλληλο για ένα γαλλικό τραγούδι . Και το ίδιο για μια ουγγρική τραγούδι . Αλλά πώς για ένα ελληνικό τραγούδι ;

    (I would like your opinion . Do you think that the lyrics at the end of this message are appropriate for a Greek song ? If these verses were written in French , I know that these verses would be suitable for a French song . And the same for a Hungarian song . But how about a Greek song ?)

    Κρασί , γυναίκες, και τραγούδι
    (Wine, women, and song)

    Εδώ στην πόλη
    κοντεύει να ξημερώσει.
    Άμα είσαι μόνος
    βάλε ποτό
    και άκουσε με
    να σου τραγουδήσω αυτό το τραγούδι

    (Here in town
    it is close to dawn.
    So if you are alone,
    pour yourself a drink
    and listen to me
    sing you this song.)

    Όταν η πρώτη σου γυναίκα φύγει
    πάντα υπάρχει μια άλλη γυναίκα
    Και οταν φύγει κι η επόμενη
    υπάρχει πάντα κι άλλο κρασί.
    Αλλά όταν φύγει η τελευταία σου γυναίκα
    υπάρχει μόνο η μουσική

    (When your first woman leaves you,
    there is always another woman.
    And when your next woman leaves you,
    there is always more wine.
    But when your last woman leaves you,
    there is only the music.)

    Τώρα που ο ήλιος ανάτειλε
    και είσαι ακόμα μόνος
    (μια που με άκουσες ως τώρα)
    Βάλε το ποτό το τελευταίο
    και άκου με
    να σου τραγουδάω αυτό το τραγούδι πάλι.

    (So now the sun is almost up,
    and you must still be alone
    (because you have listened this far.)
    So pour yourself one last drink,
    and listen to me
    sing you this song again.)

    Μετάφραση στα ελληνικά από Αμέθυστος σε
    :
    (Translation into Greek by Amethystos at

    https://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/sh...d.php?t=158666
    Last edited by David Halitsky; 04-25-2015 at 05:21 PM.

  14. #11
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by David Halitsky View Post
    Θα ήθελα τη γνώμη σας . Νομίζετε ότι οι στίχοι στο τέλος αυτού του μηνύματος είναι κατάλληλα για ένα ελληνικό τραγούδι ; Εάν αυτοί οι στίχοι γράφτηκαν στα γαλλικά , ξέρω ότι αυτοί οι στίχοι θα ήταν κατάλληλο για ένα γαλλικό τραγούδι . Και το ίδιο για μια ουγγρική τραγούδι . Αλλά πώς για ένα ελληνικό τραγούδι ;
    Θα ήθελα τη γνώμη σας . Νομίζετε ότι οι στίχοι αυτού του μηνύματος είναι κατάλληλοι για ένα ελληνικό τραγούδι ; Εάν αυτοί οι στίχοι γράφονταν στα γαλλικά , ξέρω ότι αυτοί οι στίχοι θα ήταν κατάλληλοι για ένα γαλλικό τραγούδι . Και το ίδιο για ένα ουγγρικό τραγούδι . Αλλά πώς είναι για ένα ελληνικό τραγούδι ;
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

  15. #12
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Amethystos - how about "punching up" the second verse something like this:

    When your first woman leaves you,
    you can smooth the sheets for another.
    And when your next woman leaves you,
    you'll have more money for wine.
    But when your last woman leaves you,
    only the music will make life worthwhile.

    Maybe not quite it - but something like that????
    Last edited by David Halitsky; 04-25-2015 at 06:08 PM.

  16. #13
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Also - one other thing, Amethystos.

    I imagine a hasapiko for the music, a really slow and beautiful one, but one that still "moves" or "flows", like this one:

    Μια γυναίκα φεύγει -Γρηγόρης Μπιθικώτσης
    Στίχοι: Ελένη Λιάκου
    Μουσική: Γρηγόρης Μπιθικώτσης

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPYSc0lmCjE

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