First Song..! Yay!?

I like this one because it tell so much, but maybe it's a little long? Idk, constructive critisism would be nice

Titled: Light At the End of the Tunnel (Think)

Hello again, it's been a while, But I still remember your smile
and It seems like yesterday, I was asking you to stay
But now you're gone, and on and on my heart goes
Trying to fill the gaping hole you made

You're the light at the end of my tunnel
The deepest dark place for me
You're my bail out when I'm in trouble
I just need you next to me
Cuz when you're gone I get distracted
My feelings go radioactive
Cuz you're my light at the end of my tunnel
And I need you next to me

My heart goes on and on Reminding me of times gone by
And maybe it was telling me, all along, a little lie
Did you really care? Or was it all inside my head
Please explain to me, or I might as well be dead

Think of all the memories, think of all the times
Think of all times when your eyes met mine
Think of all those words you said, think of my replies
Think of those emotions we pushed down the well to die
Think of all the dreams we shared, think of how they went
Think of how we tried to make a compromise to send
Think of all the plans we made, now those are key
And above all, please please think of me

Don't forget to think of me
I will always think of you

Cuz you're the light at the end of my tunnel
The deepest dark place for me
You're my bail out when I'm in trouble
I just need you next to me
Cuz when you're gone I get distracted
My feelings go radioactive
Cuz you're my light at the end of my tunnel
And I need you next to me

There are plenty of rubies on my left side, emeralds on my right
Men carry their own gem, they won't give up without a fight
I know I want one, and I reach out, then a thought hits me with a shout
The cave's illuminated at the exit, by a diamond the size of my fist.
I just Need to wait, wait for it to come
Sacrifice my present happiness for future sum
It will all be worth it, worth it in the end
I just hope it gets the cheesy letters I send

Think of all the memories, think of all the times
Think of all times when your eyes met mine
Think of all those words you said, think of my replies
Think of those emotions we pushed down the well to die
Think of all the dreams we shared, think of how they went
Think of how we tried to make a compromise to send
Think of all the plans we made, now those are key
And above all, please please think of me

Don't forget to think of me
I will always think of you

Cuz you're the light at the end of my tunnel
The deepest dark place for me
You're my bail out when I'm in trouble
I just need you next to me
Cuz when you're gone I get distracted
My feelings go radioactive
Cuz you're my light at the end of my tunnel
And I need you next to me

So give me your all, show me how you ball, If we make it or not is your call
I'm as loyal as a dog, I will be there, it's up to you to decide how we fare
Will we make it? Or will we fall? I promise I will stand tall
Don't pull me down, I will not frown, if we make it through I'll give you a crown

Think of all the memories, think of all the times
Think of all times when your eyes met mine
Think of all those words you said, think of my replies
Think of those emotions we pushed down the well to die
Think of all the dreams we shared, think of how they went
Think of how we tried to make a compromise to send
Think of all the plans we made, now those are key
And above all, please please think of me

Don't forget to think of me
I will always think of you

Cuz you're the light at the end of my tunnel
The deepest dark place for me
You're my bail out when I'm in trouble
I just need you next to me
Cuz when you're gone I get distracted
My feelings go radioactive
Cuz you're the light at the end of my tunnel
And I need you next to me
You're the light at the end of my tunnel
from you ill never be free
You're the light at the end of my tunnel
That's how I want it to be
You're the light at the end of my tunnel
I swear, I need you next to me



Tell me what you think

Long, but pretty good for your first song.

Yea, way too long but some great stuff for your first time. Some of the rhymes are forced, like you tried too hard when you didn't have to because you were doing just fine with it. I love to see you tighten this up and repost it.