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  1. #1
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Default Is this poem suitable as the basis for a Greek song? Please tell me your opinion

    Is this poem suitable as the basis for a Greek song? Please tell me your opinion. Thanks.

    Tο κοίλο του χεριού μου

    Καθώς περπατούσα μέσα από τους λόφους
    κατά μήκος ενός μικρού σαφές ρεύμα
    Σταμάτησα για μια στιγμή
    για να πάρετε ένα ποτό του νερού .


    (As I walked through the hills
    along a small clear stream
    I stopped for a moment
    to get a drink of water.)


    Και όπως εγώ έπιναν λίγο νερό
    από το κοίλο του χεριού μου,
    ξαφνικά ένιωσα την παρουσία σας
    όπως αν εσείς οι ίδιοι στάθηκε δίπλα μου .


    (And as I drank some water
    from the hollow of my hand ,
    I suddenly felt your presence
    as if you yourself stood next to me .)


    Και εσείς ψιθύρισε ότι
    η καρδιά μου περιέχει την ψυχή σας ,
    σαν την ψυχή σας ήταν νερό
    μέσα στο κοίλο του χεριού μου .


    (And you whispered that
    my heart contains your soul ,
    as if your soul was water
    in the hollow of my hand .)

  2. #2
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    1. Translation makes almost no sense in Greek

    2. A song like this one could had been a hit back in the 60's

    3. I'm not a musician to answer whether this could be a proper basis for a Greek song or not...
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

  3. #3
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Amethystos - thanks as always. The translation was actually understood quite well by an "average-Joe GreeK" but maybe that guy is so used to the way Google speaks Greek that he doesn't have a big a problem as you do. LOL !!!

    But speaking of a good translation, I don't suppose you'd have a few extra minutes to show us what the Greek SHOULD look like in this case ???? LOL !!!

    Best as always ...
    djh

  4. #4
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Amethystos -

    The young Greek songwriter Ελεάνα Τσεσμελή has asked me for a poem she can adapt for a song that Lydia Mavrou might like to sing.

    I have reworked the song at the top of the this thread ... here are the new lyrics in English. I've asked Duffy to try and do a translation, but I beg you to do a translation as well, if you have the time, of course.

    Streams

    Last night I dreamt of the stream
    where we take our walks together.
    You knelt and cupped your hand,
    and filled it from the stream.

    And I said to you "Be careful -
    my soul is in your heart
    like the water in your hand.
    Do not let my soul slip
    from your heart like
    water thru your fingers.

    My love, life will offer
    many streams instead of ours,
    and many women instead of me
    to walk with by these streams.

    And so I say to you: "Be careful -
    my soul is in your heart
    like the water in your hand.
    Do not let my soul slip
    from your heart like
    water thru your fingers."

  5. #5
    Ange ou Demon Amethystos's Avatar
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    Το ποτάμι ονειρεύτηκα εχτές
    που στις οχθες του βαδίζουμε μαζί
    και τις χούφτες λέει έσκυψες
    με νέρο και γέμισες εσύ.

    Κι σου πα "Πρόσεχε!"
    "η ψυχή μου στην καρδιά σου
    όπως το νερό στα χέρια.
    Μην αφήσεις να γλυστρήσει
    από μέσα απ' την καρδιά σου
    όπως το νερό απ'τα χέρια."*

    "Αγάπη μου η ζωη θα δώσει
    ποτάμια άλλα απ'το δικό μας,
    γυναίκες άλλες από μένα,
    να τα βαδήσετε οι δυο σας"

    * If you need a translation you have to replace "χέρια" (hands) with "δάχτυλα" (fingers)./ But I suppose there must be some rhyme somewhere in there....
    "Gilgamesh, where are you hurrying to?
    You will never find that life for which you are looking.
    When the gods created man they allotted to him death,
    but life they retained in their own keeping"

  6. #6
    Senior Member David Halitsky's Avatar
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    Thank you as always, K. Amethystos ...

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