The Forest in Fall
In the forest
the leaves whisper among themselves
with hoarse voices in the wind
The bunnies and squirrels
have a battalion
for the last bits of food
The bears get their beds set up
for the crisp cold
of winter
The birds start to feel
the lungs of winter rise
and they fly South
just before it lets go
In the forest
the leaves whisper among themselves
with hoarse voices in the wind.
-Spacecats
Tags:
#poetry
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Forest In Fall
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Good poem, spacecats. Opening & ending stanzas are great (leaves ... with hoarse voices) with good imagery. The "bunnies" didn't sound right to me, but neither does "rabbits". ...May I make a suggestion that for me resolves the problem? Instead of:
The bunnies and squirrels
Have a battalion...
Try:
The bunnies and squirrels
Form a battalion...
The juxtaposition of the soft-sounding "bunnies" along with the regimen of "form a battalion" is much stronger; then, the last line indicates the struggle.
Well done! And welcome to poetry...