Would like some thoughts on this verse I'm working on

Thread: Would like some thoughts on this verse I'm working on

Tags: rap lyrics song writing
  1. Dash20 said:

    Default Would like some thoughts on this verse I'm working on

    Hey guys, these are rap lyrics I'm working on from a very personal song of mine. I want it to flow and keep the listener engaged throughout, any feedback would be great. Thanks!
    Ps. I'm still working on the last 6 lines to make the end of the verse memorable.

    AABB
    every Time I hear your Voice / i Feel an OverWhelming Hate
    neVer knew that my Father could Bring me to this Place
    A place of emptiness / a place I feel alone
    That cold feeling has no place within my humble home

    AABB
    How could I help? / I had to hate you
    knew I'd forgive you for your ****ups if ever I faced you
    ....………………/instead I'm staring in the mirror
    Reflection ain't the same because perspective
    Got clearer

    AA
    Me and my brother you took for granted, forgot about
    Now you all on my line asking to talk it out?
     
  2. cashpapa said:

    Default

    great one .