I didn’t care that I had a boyfriend.
I didn’t care that we had just met.
She was everything I’d ever wanted,
I just hadn’t known it yet.

When you fall in love with a girl who can’t love you back…

You wonder
What her lips taste like after she eats an ice cream cone.
What her skin feels like wrapped around yours under the sheets.
What color underwear she wears when she dances around the kitchen making coffee in your t-shirt.

You imagine
The way her eyelids flutter open when she’s waking up from a deep sleep.
The smile that lights up her face when she sees the flowers that you’ve brought her from the garden.
The sound of her voice as she sings the words to her favorite song in the car.

When you fall in love with a girl who can’t love you back,
You have to pretend.

Pretend that when she asks you for advice about a lover, she is talking about you.
That when she says she looks “ugly” today, you bite your tongue from saying that she is the most beautiful sight you’ve ever laid eyes on.
Pretend that when she cries on your shoulder, you are just being a good friend by comforting her, even though inside it is tearing you apart at the f*cking seams.

But you can’t tell her you love her, because you know she doesn’t love you back.

How do you explain to her
That when she walks away, you count her steps?
That when you look in her eyes, you want to take away her sadness?
That you could be the person to go to the ends of the earth to make her happy?

What a strange idea that a person could bring one such fulfillment.
But when you look at her, it’s as if the world around you stops moving and all that matters is being there in her presence.
When she becomes your source of happiness, oh god do you have a problem.
You’re standing on the outside, physically telling her that you want her to be happy.
You want her to be happy, you want her to be happy, you want her to be happy…
with you.
You want to be enough, you want to be worthy of her love, you want her for yourself. Because if she makes you happy, can’t you do the same for her?

Because when you fall in love with a girl that can’t love you back,
You can only hope that you won’t lose her completely.