Jim Colyer

COUNTER-PUNCHER

I attack no one
Unless they attack me
I hurt no one
Unless they hurt me
Then I strike back
Come off the ropes
Hit them hard
Rope them dopes

Counter-Puncher
It's self-defense
Get off the floor
Get off the fence
Counter-Puncher
In for the kill
Bring them down
Exert my will

I love everyone
Until they hate me
I care for everyone
Until they harm me
Then I hit hard
Atomic bomb
We'll be friends
Just stay calm

Counter-Puncher
It's self-defense
Get off the floor
Get off the fence
Counter-Puncher
In for the kill
Bring them down
Exert my will

JimColyer.com

HIGH ON THE STARS

He talked about his mother
Said she was on medication
I misunderstood
Thought she was on vacation
I don't believe in that stuff
Taking pills ain't smart
I get high on the sun
I get High On The Stars

She talked about her doctor
Must have been in love
That's how women are
Their husbands aren't enough
Women are from Venus
Men are from Mars
I get high on the moon
I get High On The Stars

Antares, Canopus
Deneb, Arcturus
Betelgeuse, Vega
Spica, Capella
Rigel, Sirius
Altair, Regulus
Beta Crucis
Alpha Centauri

My favorite is Achernar
In the southern sky
Of the 21 brightest
I'm not sure why
Women are from Venus
Men are from Mars
I get high on the moon
I get High On The Stars

JimColyer.com

Play http://jimcolyer.com/sitebuilder/fla....xml%3Ft%3D120

I wrote this in 1967 with Dolly Parton in mind

WELCOME MAT
Most anyone at my front door is welcome
With a special invitation for a few
But long as I've got right to my own choosing
That Welcome Mat's not out there for you

That Welcome Mat's not out there for you
I've made it clear, I don't care what you do
My door's one that you're not passing through
That Welcome Mat's not out there for you

You've been trouble ever since I've known you
But I ain't had the heart to put you down
Now there's someone else that I've been seeing
And my new friend won't want you around

That Welcome Mat's not out there for you
I've made it clear, I don't care what you do
You're headed wrong on a one-way avenue
That Welcome Mat's not out there for you

That Welcome Mat's not out there for you
I'd rather have a monkey in a zoo

solo

So don't plan on coming 'round when I'm alone
Don't call my number on your telephone
I don't want no stupid letters in my mail
Unless you want to find yourself in jail

That Welcome Mat's not out there for you
I've made it clear, I don't care what you do
So hit the road, I'm sorry, but it's true
That Welcome Mat's not out there for you

JimColyer.com

REVIVAL

It's a 50s Revival
Singing Blue Suede Shoes
Elvis Revival
Singing GI Blues
It's a 60s Revival
Singing Nowhere Man
Beatles Revival
I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Bringing these songs
Outta the past
You know these classics
Are gonna last
Singing these songs
In a karaoke bar
It's my turn
To be a star

I love these songs
Oh so much
It's up to me
To carry the torch

It's a 70s Revival
Singing Dancing Queen
ABBA Revival
Take A Chance On Me
It's a 90s Revival
From This Moment On
Shania Revival
You're Still The One

Bringing these songs
Outta the past
You know these classics
Are gonna last
Singing these songs
In a karaoke bar
It's my turn
To be a star

JimColyer.com

HALF GOOD, HALF BAD

I've been divorced
Quite a while
I like to make
The young women smile
I like to hang out
I like to flirt
They never know
I've been hurt

Half Good, Half Bad
Part happy, part sad
That's my life
Half Good, Half Bad

Sometimes I score
I get someone
Bring her home
Have some fun
But they're few
And far between
Half the time
I'm lonely and mean

Half Good, Half Bad
Part happy, part sad
That's my life
Half Good, Half Bad

Fifty percent's
Better than nothing
At least I know
I've got something

Half Good, Half Bad
Part happy, part sad
That's my life
Half Good, Half Bad

Half Good, Half Bad
Part happy, part sad
That's my life
Half Good, Half Bad

JimColyer.com

Never knew if it was about a girl or a guy.
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MAKINGS OF A STAR

She packs them in every night
To watch her sing and dance
And once you've laid eyes on her
You haven't got a chance
She's got you in her spell
As she strums her guitar
She's got the Makings Of A Star

She's played in Las Vegas
Nashville and Hollywood
Everyone who's seen her
Says she's mighty good
Everyone's agreed
This girl's going far
She's got the Makings Of A Star

I remember when this star
Was just a hometown kid
Starry-eyed and dreaming glory
Playing guitar on her bed
I remember when she told me
She could never stop
Fame was all that really mattered
And she'd get to the top

solo

So once more she's out on stage
Performing in her show
Responding to applause and people
That's what makes her go
She's a mystery to us
But she knows who we are
She's got the Makings Of A Star
She's got the Makings Of A Star
She's got the Makings Of A Star

jimcolyer.com

OUT IN VEGAS

Out In Vegas
At a big hotel
Playing poker
Raising hell
In walked a woman
In a green dress
More important things
Than getting rich

Out In Vegas
Rolling the dice
Dealing the cards
Aces are nice
In walked a woman
She told me her name
Her name was Margaret
I left the game

We spent that night
In a queen size bed
Best damn sex
I ever had

Out In Vegas
Spinning the wheel
In the casino
Making a kill
In walked a woman
In a green dress
More important things
Than getting rich

JimColyer.com

THOUGHTS

Every morning I wake up
And I'm surprised to find
That I'm still alive
I didn't die in the night
I'm a bit disappointed
While a bit relieved
That the Reaper himself
Didn't come for me

I hate facing another day
Knowing they're all the same
Exercises in futility
A pointless pursuit of fame
Staring into a computer
Until I'm frozen stiff
Critiquing others' songs
Posting my own lyrics

Every night I lay in bed
Wondering if I'll awake
Knowing I'll have bad dreams
Chaotic images in my brain
I'm a bit disappointed
While a bit relieved
That the Reaper himself
May come for me

JimColyer.com

WHEN I HIT BOTTOM

I've been down to Memphis
Three or four times
Took my son to Graceland
To ease my mind
We hung out on Beale Street
The Heartbreak Hotel
Lonely Street
Rock n' roll hell

When I Hit Bottom
I put on Elvis CDs
He may be gone
But his spirit's with me
When I Hit Bottom
I turn to the king
Play that blues, boy
Play that thing

If there's a perfect record
It has to be "Hound Dog"
Scotty's guitar is like
Falling from a log
I feel every note
I feel every beat
I feel every word
I feel the heat

When I Hit Bottom
I put on Elvis CDs
He may be gone
But his spirit's with me
When I Hit Bottom
I turn to the king
Play that blues, boy
Play that thing

He's been gone
Almost forty years
You know those women
Shed some tears

When I Hit Bottom
I put on Elvis CDs
He may be gone
But his spirit's with me
When I Hit Bottom
I turn to the king
Play that blues, boy
Play that thing

JimColyer.com

SUPERIOR GIRL

She's a Taylor Swift
Without the money
Such a sweetie
Dripping with honey
She's just starting
In pre-fame
One day soon
She'll make a name

(She's a) Superior Girl
Don't put her down
You can bet your life
Money will come
Superior Girl
She's going far
Hang on to her
She's a star

She's a newcomer
On her way up
Stay with her
Don't break up

Don't rip down her photos
Cos you'll regret it
Better make her
Your love interest
Clear blue eyes
Sweet sexy smile
Golden girl
Got that style

(She's a) Superior Girl
Don't put her down
You can bet your life
Money will come
Superior Girl
She's going far
Hang on to her
She's a star

JimColyer.com

ROLL MY EYES

When we go out
It takes two hours
For you to get ready
It's all gone sour
We're in the car
You're on the phone
Telling your mom
You might come home

You make me Roll My Eyes
Grit my teeth
Clinch my fists
Stomp my feet

You love your dog
You love your cat
You eat too much
You're gonna get fat
You started to snore
I'm sleeping alone
In the back room
On my own

You make me Roll My Eyes
Grit my teeth
Clinch my fists
Stomp my feet

You made up your mind
To control the TV
Now you say
You'll vote for Hillary

You make me Roll My Eyes
Grit my teeth
Clinch my fists
Stomp my feet

You make me Roll My Eyes
Grit my teeth
Clinch my fists
Stomp my feet

JimColyer.com

Tight

The more you give
The more they want
So I never tip
In restaurants
I never give
To charities
They should give
Money to me

I'm Tight
Tight as a flea
Stretched over
A rainbarrel
I'm Tight
Tighter than Scrooge
At your
Xmas party

When I see a bum
Begging on the street
Holding a sign
No one can read
I drive on by
Shooting the bird
Hey! Get a job!
You lazy nerd

I'm Tight
Tight as a flea
Stretched over
A rainbarrel
I'm Tight
Tighter than Scrooge
At your
Xmas party

Never go to church
And I never tithe
I keep my money
Locked inside

I'm Tight
Tight as a flea
Stretched over
A rainbarrel
I'm Tight
Tighter than Scrooge
At your
Xmas party

JimColyer.com

PLEASE! PLEASE! SOMEBODY LOVE ME! - I tried to get this to Mindy McCready
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I'm an old-fashion girl
I'm driven by the basic needs
I need a man to tame my body
And ease my mind
I need a man to hold me close
Whisper in my ear
I need a man who's understanding
Gentle and kind

Please! Please! Somebody Love Me!
Somebody make a move and take away this hate
Please! Please! Somebody Love Me!
Somebody love me now before it's too late

I was hurt before in a one-way love
I get lonely
I get bitter when I think about
The way I was done
I go crazy when I'm by myself
It's tough being on my own
I go crazy with just the thought
Of sleeping alone

Please! Please! Somebody Love Me!
Somebody calm me down and put a leash on my pride
Please! Please! Somebody Love Me!
Somebody drive away these demons inside

solo

I'm co-dependent, suicidal, schizophrenic
My worst enemy
I'm going postal
If somebody doesn't pay some attention to me

I'm an old-fashion girl
I'm driven by the basic needs
I need a man to tame my body
And ease my mind
I need a man to hold me close
Whisper in my ear
I need a man who's understanding
Gentle and kind

Please! Please! Somebody Love Me!
Somebody make a move and take away this hate
Please! Please! Somebody Love Me!
Somebody love me now before it's too late
Somebody love me now before it's too late

Jim Colyer
http://www.jimcolyer.com

BREAKING NEWS!

I realized it this morning
When I woke from a dream
I had to text and tell you
I've made the quantum leap
Broadcast it to the world
So everyone will know
Put it on Fox news
So my love will grow

Breaking News!
I want you
Breaking News!
I need you
Breaking News!
I love you
Breaking News!
I want you

I'll tell all our friends
I'll run through the streets
Shout out the good news
You swept me off my feet
I'll post it on facebook
It's hot off the press
I'll send out a tweet
I love you the best

Breaking News!
I want you
Breaking News!
I need you
Breaking News!
I love you
Breaking News!
I want you

JimColyer.com

WOMEN ARE LIKE FRUIT

For one perfect moment
They're sweet and savory
For one perfect moment
They're oh so tasty

Women Are Like Fruit
They grow
They mature
Reach perfection
Then shrivel
Like apples
Like oranges
Like bananas

In their mid-twenties
Women ripen
Better strike then
Or they'll be rotten

Women Are Like Fruit
They grow
They mature
Reach perfection
Then shrivel
Like apples
Like oranges
Like bananas

Women Are Like Fruit
They start out green
Then they blossom
Peaches and cream

Women Are Like Fruit
They grow
They mature
Reach perfection
Then shrivel
Like apples
Like oranges
Like bananas

I'm telling you, son
Women Are Like Fruit
Better act now
If you're gonna do it

JimColyer.com

PERFECT WOMAN

The Perfect Woman has no parents
No mother to interfere
No father to guard his daughter
No brother to cause me fear

The Perfect Woman is like a goddess
The Perfect Woman never grows old
The Perfect Woman is always warm
The Perfect Woman is never cold

The Perfect Woman has no sister
Calling constantly on the phone
The Perfect Woman has no pets
Dogs or cats in the home

The Perfect Woman is like a goddess
The Perfect Woman never grows old
The Perfect Woman is always warm
The Perfect Woman is never cold

There was one Perfect Woman
And her name was Eve
Even she screwed up
It's all mythology
Eve was tempted by evil
Then she tempted her man
They ate forbidden fruit
Corrupted God's plan

I've lost the Perfect Woman
Would find her if I could
I know I'll die alone
Not settle for damaged goods

The Perfect Woman is like a goddess
The Perfect Woman never grows old
The Perfect Woman is always warm
The Perfect Woman is never cold

JimColyer.com

ELVIS ON MY MIND

I'm going down to the Beaver
I got Elvis on my mind
I'm going down to the Beaver
I got Elvis on my mind
Gonna sing all the old songs
Leave my troubles far behind

I'm gonna sing Burning Love
Gonna sing Treat Me Nice
Gonna sing Teddy Bear
I'm gonna sing One Night

I'm going down to the Beaver
I got Elvis on my mind
I'm going down to the Beaver
I got Elvis on my mind
Gonna sing all the old songs
Leave my troubles far behind

Blues guitar

I'm gonna sing Way Down
Gonna sing All Shook Up
Gonna sing Money Honey
I'm gonna sing Too Much

I'm going down to the Beaver
I got Elvis on my mind
I'm going down to the Beaver
I got Elvis on my mind
Gonna sing all the old songs
Leave my troubles far behind

JimColyer.com

WE GOTTA GET MARRIED

Divorce comes second
Marriage come first
Don't put the cart
Before the horse
We'll have a wedding
Invite all our friends
Really live it up
Before it all ends

We Gotta Get Married
We Gotta Get Married
We can't get divorced
Until we get married

We'll spend all our money
Someone else's too
We'll hire a deejay
Pay a preacher too

We Gotta Get Married
We Gotta Get Married
We can't get divorced
Until we get married

When it's time
To get divorced
We'll pay the lawyers
And pay the court

We Gotta Get Married
We Gotta Get Married
We can't get divorced
Until we get married

We Gotta Get Married
We Gotta Get Married
We can't get divorced
Until we get married

JimColyer.com

GATEKEEPERS

I tried to break into Nashville
Write myself a hit song
The Gatekeepers kept me out
Said my music's all wrong
They said I sound like the 60s
And that stuff's out of style
They threatened to call the cops
The Gatekeepers threw me out

Gatekeepers
Guarding the door
Human watchdogs
Guarding the store

I tried to break into heaven
Saint Peter stood in my way
Said I belong somewhere else
And for my sins I'll pay
He said I laughed at Jesus
And I know what it means
It means I've been banished
Exiled for eternity

Gatekeepers
Guarding the door
Heavenly watchdogs
Guarding the store

Now here I am in hell
And I'm still writing songs
With all the dead writers
It's where we belong

Gatekeepers
Guarding the door
Human watchdogs
Guarding the store

Gatekeepers
Guarding the door
Heavenly watchdogs
Guarding the store

JimColyer.com

THIRD WIND

Got my first wind in the 70s
Ain't nobody could compete with me
Got me a job, made lots of money
Jumped in my car, traveled the country
Now it's time for a real comeback
Gotta keep moving, that's a fact
What I need now is a young girl friend
Gonna find her with my Third Wind

Got my second wind in the 90s
Things were better after I retired
Bought me a house, moved to Elk Creek
I'm here now even as we speak
Now it's time to set my sights
On one more round to set things right
What I need now is a young girl friend
Gonna find her with my Third Wind

If Trump can do it
So can I
I'll find her
Before I die

Got my first wind in the 70s
Ain't nobody could compete with me
Got me a job, made lots of money
Jumped in my car, traveled the country
Having my Third Wind in the teens
I'm leaving soon for the Ukraine
What I need now is a young girl friend
Gonna find her with my Third Wind

JimColyer.com